You do a damn good job.
Date: Apr 11th, 2005 5:13:46 am - Subscribe
Mood: zonked
Forever just doesn't seem long enough. The time between now and when my forever starts doesn't seem to be passing quickly enough. Time doesn't seem to be something that I can manipulate, rather it seems to manipulate me. And it does it a damn good job of it, too. I'm so disgusted at the lack of effort here. I am honestly trying to contribute, and for a while, I thought you were too. Yet, still the same old subjects cause the same old, ugly reactions. I don't want this. I want to run. I want to escape. But I'm still bound here. At least now I have a destination. I want to hit the reset button of my life. I don't want to die, I want to truly live. The way people place their unreasonable, Hollywood expectations on you is completely undeserved. The only person's whose expectations should matter are my own, but why then do I find myself bending over backwards to meet the superficial needs of others? Am I not as special as I thought I was? At the end of the day, I feel so emotionally drained that it disgusts me. Everyday is like an epic war that costs me all my energy, all my willpower, all my thoughts, all my emotions. I'm a caffeinated shell of a real person who must resort to posting anonymously on the Internet. But, I'll keep doing it day after day. I'll keep my chin up, put a smile on my face, sip my Red Bull, and continue living this .... life ... until I'm able to move on. It's so cliche.
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