Waiting for his chance to shine.
Date: May 2nd, 2005 6:24:30 am - Subscribe
Mood: perplexed
What I'm hearing: Ultimate Dance Party 1997
Not really seeing the need, the purpose, the reasoning behind any of these things. I know I'm just going through the motions. I'm trying to pass as an ordinary person. I feel incredibly conscious of myself, as if everyone around me is judging my every move, my every action. Borderlining paranoia follows me around everyday, and I haven't the slightest idea why. Well, okay, maybe I have a slight reason. But I know that not a single soul knows that secret, and I'm not about to let that go. Mystery makes life more interesting. If everybody had all the answers, there wouldn't be much interest to living daily life.
Now I can sense my future. I can smell the freedom and the adventure. I can feel independence breathing down on my neck, just tempting me to jump for it. Everyday I want to just drop all of my things, and run out the doors of my high school, and just leave. There isn't a point to all of it. I'm done. I've gotten all I can out of it. There's nothing stopping me now, except everyone else's expectations. But screw them. The only expectations I need to meet are my own. I know it's a horrible thing to plan or to wish, but I don't see any aspect of my current life fitting into my future. I put on this facade, and this show for everyone else everyday, while inside of me, the real person grows anxious, waiting for his chance to shine. The only problem is I don't think my current audience wants to see it.
Comments: (1)
lovepain - May 02nd, 2005 |