Could you be the one to save me?
Date: Apr 12th, 2005 5:39:55 am - Subscribe
Mood: secretive
What I'm hearing: "I won't Make You" by Something Corporate
Even the smallest smile on my part is a welcome escape from this seemingly never-ending cycle and routine. Today brought me distraction and amusment, although it was short lived. I'm slowly learning that while you can temporarily postpone your problems and your life, you can not ignore it forever. Problems do not like to be ignored and left to fester, this only makes them worse. At the same time though, I haven't the slightest idea how to effectively approach these problems. I yearn for an answer, but where can I find it? I search deep within myself, but alas, I can't seem to produce any feasible solution. Am I waiting for it from God? Or has it already been given to me and I'm just too naive to see it? I hate having to toil through these problems in the silence of my mind and the click-clack of the keyboard, but there isn't any other way to do so. Not without being judged. Nobody wants to be judged. I don't want to be judged. I want to belong. I want to be accepted. Not just by those around me, but by my own life. By my own mind. I'll continue to hide out underneath this laughter, behind my smile, never letting on to anyone about what is really going. And that one time I did almost slip up? The time I did almost let out what bothers me? Needless to say, my mind is already putting in place the necessary defensives to try and prevent any further release of ... feeelings to this person. Isn't it safer this way? Will anybody ever know this way? Is this way the right way?
Why are there always more questions than answers? Why are there always questions resulting from the answers? Why? Most importantly, what do I do next?
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