That's all there is to it.
Date: Apr 13th, 2005 5:56:16 am - Subscribe
Mood: apologetic
What I'm hearing: "Pain" by Jimmy Eat World
In the middle of the day, when I'm nothing but a speck in the crowd, I let my mind wander. The sound of everyone me is deafening. Life is so sloud that I'm not able to focus on the task at hand. Instead, I find that I withdraw myself from any type of social interaction. Not even the slightest invitation, the small suggestion will get through my defenses. With my self-cleared schedule, I waste the time by splashing about in the oceans of my mind. Drowning in self-pity, trying to stay afloat in the sea of doubt. I'm thrashing about, beggin for the attention of a lifeqguard, only I just remembered that I chased them all away. In the depths of my heart and mind I know that I don't want to be so utterly alone, but why do I keep doing it this way? Why am I bringing this upon myself? I know the answer. What's familiar is easier to deal with than the unknown. I don't want to risk opening mysel fup to somebody else, out of fear of rejection or judgement. Instead, I force myself to close up at the slightest notion or faintest hint of somebody breaking through. Then something happens that makes me realize that I'm not the center of the world, that my problems aren't the biggest obstacle at hand. Somebody else's situation is more important, and they've been dealing with it in silence. How could I be so blind? How could I be so ignorant? How could I be so self-absorbed? Fuck. That's all there is to it.
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