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1st_escape
Boggled by a Drop of Iron - Subscribe
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Right now, flowing through my bloodstream, pulsing through my veins, there is but a single drop of iron. My body needs this. The iron flows through my heart, being pumped through my body. It flows through my mind, past the memories of years gone past, friendships gone stale, relationships destroyed. Still, this drop of iron flows. Bits of it, in my fingers, as I type this very message. This iron was not created for me. It is part of the static, already determined supply of iron in our universe. No more can be created, and it cannot be destroyed. Before, I was born, this iron belonged somewhere else. A million years ago, was it but a piece of iron ore, buried deep within the earth, perhaps in a place I have never even been. But still, the same drop of iron persists through to today. And it will continue after I am gone. I am simply the keeper of this small bit of the universe during the limited window of my life. And so it is with every other component of my being. I am connected to the rest of the universe. I am constructed of "borrowed parts," we all are. We are innately tied to everything and everyone else. We can not separate ourselves from the rest of the world, no matter how hard we try. My mind is completely, and utterly boggled. "If I die and go to hell real soon, it will appear to me as this room, and for eternity I lay in bed." |
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1st_escape
One More Attempt at the Last Time Feb 13th, 2008 7:19:40 am - Subscribe
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The smoke swirls around in front of my eyes. I tell myself again, "this is the last time." I have already planned the ceremonious act in my head. I have adapted the ritual from previous attempts. Trying to romanticize that which is killing me (Doesn't that sound familiar?). These are the choices I have made. I know this in my mind, but do I really understand what it means? I am playing with my own time. Maybe, just maybe, I like to be in control of something in my life, even if destroys me. I know you can't control that behavior in others. On the path to acceptance. On the path to .... somewhere. I can't really see that far in the distance. Is the smoke, or the fear, or the denial blocking my view? |