Christmas is Coming (so are finals...)
Date: Dec 12th, 2005 3:00:31 am - Subscribe
Mood: Just happy.
What I'm hearing: Sugarland

The first quarter is winding down to a close. Finals are this week. How do I feel about my first quarter at college? Fantastic. Overall, that is. Sure, I'm stressed about finals this week, but I feel confident I'll do well. Tests were never that much of an obstacle for me, especially not in subjects that I'm interested in. I'm thrilled with the way my classes went this quarter. College is more fantastic than I imagined. I just feel so free, and so... valued. I love my job, and I can't wait to actually start driving. I'm learning to just accept who I am and be comfortable with that. I'm learning that this is the only life I have to live, so I better make the most of it, do what I want in order to be happy, and help as many people as I can along the way. I'm starting to figure out what things I want out of my life and myself, and frankly, there are a lot of them. But I am getting started. I am excited about going home for the Christmas break and being to just relax with my family for a few days. This Christmas is going to be fantastic, I think. I am also excited about coming home to Davis a few days early to hopefully finish my bus training. I truly feel that I have made the right choice, and that Davis is the beginning of the exciting journey that is my life.
Although, not everything is hunky dory for me here. I am very annoyed and stressed by this Lacey situation. I didn't ask to be put into it, and I have no idea how to handle it. I've always felt awkward in these situations, where a girl likes me and I don't really like her back. And every time, it is really awkward and alters the relationship permanently afterwards. Only this time it will be more difficult and awkward because we have the same circle of friends and we all live together. I don't think I should feel so consumed and annoyed by this though, since it isn't really my fault. It wouldn't bother me except for the fact that she treats everyone else like they are inferior, and so she causes a lot of tension in the group. I know they already deal with a lot from her because of how she feels about me, and I feel really bad about that. I just want to enjoy my coming Christmas break, and my entire year at college. And I dont' want something as stupid as drama to hinder it.
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Date: Oct 29th, 2005 7:20:07 pm - Subscribe
Mood: longing
What I'm hearing: Something Corporate-Leaving Through The Window

I want a girl that I can talk to. I want a girl who dresses up, who is beautiful, but isn't sure if she is. I want to be the one to tell her. I want a girl who cares about something. I want to care about her. I want a girl who wants to talk to me, and who is interested in what I have to say. I want to bring her home to my parents, and have them nod their heads in approval after dinner is over. I want her to be mysterious, so everyday is a new adventure. I want to be pushed to do things I've never done before. Fuck, I want the movies. I was close to having that before, but... it didn't work. I'll admit, I got hurt, and now I'm.... afraid? I don't know if that's the right word. Part of me is scared, scared of getting hurt again. I know that is a risk you have to take. But part of me just also doesn't want to waste my time on something that is.... frivolous. That's why I don't have somebody. I know I could, but I haven't really found someone I could fall for, not after what happened between me and... her. I wish all my "friends" would get off my back about that. I don't like to pour myself out to too many people, that has ended ugly for me in the past. I find the pen to be a more trusting confidant. Although, there is a girl whom the more I see, the more I want to see. I just hope I can pull myself together enough to not fuck it up.
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Date: Oct 11th, 2005 12:37:28 am - Subscribe
Mood: smashing
What I'm hearing: Aaron Sprinkle

I'm embracing the sun. Or trying to. I've gotten a small taste as to the warmth that the world can offer me. And I can't get enough. The taste of endless possibilities fills my soul. I have been lifted to a place that I have not ever been to before. The words and the sounds flow off my tongue to form the sensual and exotic syllables of language. I can't shake this feeling and I don't want to. I feel consumed to only heighten my high, and that's exactly what I'm here for. God, I'm excited.
But something still feels like it's missing. And I can pinpoint exactly what it is, yet I have no idea what it really is. I've come close to having it before, but that's ancient history. It didn't work then, but I want it to work now. I think actively looking for what I want only causes my desire to clout my judgement. I want substance to take precedence, even if that means waiting. This is all so new. I'm finally here, I've finally made it to a stage in life that I was starting to question if it even existed.
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And it begins...
Date: Sep 26th, 2005 1:27:39 am - Subscribe
Mood: jazzed
What I'm hearing: Weezer-Beverly Hills

So I'm starting my first year at college. I just moved in this weekend, and I'm pretty excited. I think dorm life is going to be fun. It's kind of weird not living at home anymore. Once you're used to something for your whole life, a sudden dramatic change is kind of weird. But I love it so far. Classes start this week. I want to start over. Better than before. Later.
Comments: (1)

I don\'t like to lie.
Date: Jun 25th, 2005 2:30:42 am - Subscribe
Mood: fake
What I'm hearing: The Goo Goo Dolls

I don't understand. Why is it that I feel so compelled to lie? Would it be so bad to tell them the truth. Yes it would. I can't wait for the day when I'll have freedom, and not have to run everything by somebody. Bah! In the meantime, I have to do some damage control to make sure everyone has their story straight. Ugh, why is this difficult?
Comments: (2)

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