The One with The Confusing Boy
Date: Aug 18th, 2007 7:36:18 am - Subscribe
Mood: baffled
But I guess its good that I'm not going out with C.C. anymore because I wouldn't have met my latest boy toy as S. calls him...T.R.
Even if you don't read all this, please give so advice on the stuff after the line hah...
He also lives 3 hours away. Luckily he's moving to a small town 45 minutes away from me so we're planning on hanging but I'm so confused.
This all started with me meeting him at my cabin...yet again in the sauna. I met him and his friend Z who were both gorgeous. My friend and I chatted it up with them and ended up hanging out for 2 days straight with them. On the night before they left T.R. and this younger guy came to y cabin to drink.
We played Sociables and I made the stupid mistake of mixing 2 shots of vodka in with Orangina...twice. Then another 2 with rootbeer so like 6 shots, which is a lot for me, I'm tiny lol.
I drank all this and then we settled down to watch a movie. T.R. and I started to cuddle which just kind of happened no questions asked and then we ended up making out. With this other kid in the room. And again this is full on making out. I'm trying to remember this all now but its too fuzzy!
Anyways I was afraid of gagging or throwing up from the alcohol and went upstairs for "2 minutes" and proceeded to pass out.
I woke up the next morning to a text from T.R. saying thanx for having him but he had to leave and couldn't wait any longer. PS: I also tripped over my coffee table and smashed above my lip, above my nose, my arm and my legs...oh and a glass. There was a fuckload of a mess that I had to clean up the next morning while I was still drunk.
So then I'm thinking "oh God well that was it, we were going to be friends but now I'm screwed"
But no. He gets home and adds my on Facebook right away and texts me saying he got home. We text for a bit. We message for a bit. Then no talk for like a week. And again after flirting theres nothing. But then he texts me to say he's in my city for hockey stuff.
We text. We message. We flirt. We plan to get together.
We finally get together and can't think of anything to do since its mid-day and not very much time (in between practices). So its awkward and I'm like wow that was it...it was flirting but he's going to get back to where he's staying and be like why did I do that?
But no. He texts me and says that he got home alright. So I go to the party mentioned earlier and we text. We message (Facebook Mobile). Then we don't talk again for a bit and I'm like WTF? by this time. Then tonight we talk again but I can't even tell if he's flirting or not. I've never come across a guy like this before! He had practice and was saying how he can't come out tonight because he's a cripple now so i coon and fuss and say "aww poor baby are you ok?"
And he doesn't answer for like a million years and finally says that everything hurts and that he might die in his sleep from pain so I say "Aww don't k? That's what painkillers are for! Aww you sound so sad" and he says yes I'm so crippled and it hurts so bad...
So what? Do you want me to baby you or not? This is the most confusing situation.
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If he didn't wanted anything to do with me at the cabin he wouldn't have started talking to me, right?
And if he wasn't at least a bit attracted to me, he wouldn't have hooked up with me, right? (He was drunk but sober enough to be in control and manage my drinking).
And if he justv wanted a hook-up he wouldn't have talked to me after and planned things and talked to me even when I've completely written it off, right?
And if he just wanted to be friends he wouldn't have set aside time to meet me for a day to do nothing just the two of us and go on Facebook all night to talk to me and send me messages to say he got somewhere safely, right?
Or am I just completely wrong?
Innocent? I think not.
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The One After The Break-up
Date: Aug 18th, 2007 7:32:48 am - Subscribe
Mood: Disturbed
Ok so it is possible that my first and second entres have been read...
So now to carry on. Really I just need to talk and I'm thinking I might actually allow comments this time because I could really use someone who actually listens to me.
Ok well after C.C. and I broke up I was kind ready to just grab the next available guy and do something spontaneous like some wacky threesome or something. C.C. and I never did anything sexual, probably from his lack of interest in PDA's or wanting to be alone. We made out and that was pretty much the extent of it all.
It wasn't as if he didn't want more though...God he did. I'm still young though and I want to do that kind of shit when it means something. He continually asked me (when I was rather drunk I might add) if I would ever consider doing certain things such as a threesome or sexual positions or something. He actually convinced me at one point to three-way make out with two other girls when I was drunk and proceeded to tell all his friends later that if they wanted to see girls making out they should just watch me.
Sadly I just swooned over him...
Frankly I just want him back so i can dump him all over again because really if I'm the one getting treated like crap (and there were many times of crap-like treatment) shouldn't I atleast get to be the one to dump him?
Plus now: S.C. one of C.C.'s friends has been hitting on me now ever since we broke up and he's getting more and more in there. T.H. is confusing the boundaries of friendship and Like and then last night I nearly get mauled by this other guy. Like I have to pause my story for this...
K so i go to this dance party with some of my dance gals who I'm really close with by now and we just sit outside with our food and our shisha and beer/coolers/vodka. It's me, and 6 girls and 2 guys (one of them being the hostesses boyfriend). These two lovebirds get to inhabit this house that she is housesitting for 10 days straight sleepover fest. The people basically encouraged her having sedx there though. Anyways so her boyfriend's friend (we'll call him E) decides that he has taken a liking to me. And boy did he ever move in...he like grabbed onto my arm for like 10 mintues straight and tried to convince me that I needed to drink more.
Everyone can see whats going on and they all start trying to convince me to make out with him to make him feel better becuase he's never had a girlfriend.
Don't get me wrong he is a nice guy and everything but the attraction was definately not there especially with T.R. in the picture.
I spent the whole night running from this because I'm 100% sure that even if I had told him I wasn't interested, he wouldn;t have listened.
He then preceeds to "go to bed" and mouths at me to come sleep with him. I just walked away. Like fuck I know you're drunk but take a hint!
He then ransacks the fridge, comes in our room again and drops a couple beers on the floor which spray everywhere and flops down pretty much on top of me! My friends boyfriend got him safely away before I went beserk on him but I was creeped for the rest of the night.
I wish I could just enjoy signleness but I have an unhealthy obsession with being in relationships. Is that really bad?
Uh oh.
Innocent? I think not.
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The One That Explains It All
Date: Aug 18th, 2007 6:11:11 am - Subscribe
Mood: out
So pretty much I started this blog a while ago in an attempt to keep track of my life, but then the more tempting option of actually going and living my life came up...
Sadly though, I find myself in another sticky situation. But like I said, I have to explain things first or nothing will ever make any sense and this will be useless. The problem is though that I don't know where to start...
I suppose I could start when in my mind my life actuslly began. If a person where to ask me what my life was like before my Grade 10 year, I would most likely say non-existant. Or worse yet, I would say that it was quite sad and I would rather forget about it. I never really had any self-confidence before Grade 10 and was often the victim of the lesser recognized "girl-bullying". Pathetic, I know. I was quiet, sweet, smiley and too open. Anybody could walk all over me and I would "be the bigger person" and just go on trying to get them to like me.
I still remember switching to my junior high school M.A.C. I was so excited and instantly fell into "the cool crowd". I began best friends with the most popular girl in our grade and thought that I was set for life. We ended up ending our friendship though and I thrust into three years of insecurity and irrational obnoxiousness in an attempt to fit in. I still remember the first guy that I liked there, G.G. I'm not going to lie...I was quite unfortunate looking then. I wore like retrieved '70's clothes, glasses and had bush-like, unstyled hair. Truth be told, he was completely out of my league which I discovered when the school found out about it and made that known to me.
No big though because I grew to hate him and even if he had asked me out by the end of the year I wouldn't have gone out with him.
I spend the next 2 years liking another guy who quite possibley liked me back but I was way too naive to act on it. I did however gain some confidence from believing that he was flirting with me. Anyways this is all irrelevant...and boring as hell.
By the end of Grade 9 I waqs sick of my little sheltered Christian private school life and ready to go exploring. I searched around but already knew where I wanted to go...WCHS.
Somehow I ended up 2 years later, finishing my second year at BCHS. A separate Catholic school. Not even going to explain this wack-job of a school though. All I can say is no teachers, no classes, no bells, and homework and tests when you feel like it...you do the math.
I settled right in though and scraped by through Grade 10 barely finishing the work but still getting a 91% average. That didn't even matter to me though, I realized that that year I had figured out the outside world including the forever mysterious realm of guys. I'm an only child and don't have any close guy cousins or family friends really so they were kind of foreign to me. But it was that year that I met my closest guy friend T.H. He is truly amazing and will continually be mentioned in this blog as my counselor, close friend, and the guy that caused me to understand guys. I did have a small crush on him when I met him and maybe I still do...who really knows. One thing for certain though, we have a deal that if we're not married by the time we're 30, we marry each other. He suggested we set the date at 20 but thats in like 2 years for him...
I still remember going into school the first day thinking I was Miss Cutie. Unfortunately no one clued me in that short puffy boy hair, braces and the figure of a 12 year old is not attactive no matter what cute clothes you have, how nicely your make-up looks and how funny your jokes are. Ok maybe it wasn't that bad but trust me it was bad. Somehow T.H. managed to see past that though and a year later all truth is revealed and I discover that he had a crush on my at the same time I had one on him.
So anyways, I get through Grade 10, the developing part of my life but still naive, gullible and fresh-faced. I had never had a boyfriend, maybe had one Smirnoff Ice, and still thought of a shoe when I heard the term Mary Jane. This was pretty much the time when my bestfriend who was slowly slipping out of my life decided to set me up with her boyfriend's friends. She had started dating him last Christmas and the effects of him were obvious. I had been best friends was A.R. since I was 4 and she was 3 and she had always needed me and couldn't go a day without me. Suddenly though I waqs the furthest thing from her mind and our convos were filled with talks of Andrew, her new sex-life (no joke, I did not want to hear about that), the drugs she was trying, the amount of times a cop had almost caught her and how much alcohol she could now down.
We slipped away but she felt it necessary to set me up with one of his friends first. He was ADD and this crazy wannabe asian gangster. A funny guy but completely the furthest thing from my type. Failed attempt #1. The next guy I met on my own but he was friends with her. He was a great guy and we really liked eachother but the fact that I wasn't what you would call a party girl then, he couldn't make time for my in his scheduale of drinking, breaking stuff, sneaking out and wandering around and pot. Tons and tons of pot. Failed attempt #2. The next guy actually turned out to be..oh here I go *blush* my first kiss...What a fucking waste! He was this intense gotti kid with brass knuckles and shit who enjoyed the casual shroom-fest. Again, doing shrooms and then having meaningless sex was not what i wanted. Failed attempt #3.
Who do I start dating? None other than my acne-ridden, two years older, socially challenged manager of McDs were I worked. Now that sounds horrible but he really was a great guy and he spoiled me. He payed for everything no matter what, treated me like a queen and for our 1 month anniversary bought me this gorgeous gold necklace and took my to watch fireworks over water. Of course this could only last so long though and really after 2 and a half months and a thought-filled trip to Barbados, I ended it. The summer however was filled with amazing times and even though the necklace is no longer part of my daily attire anymore (cough, cough) he was always be in my memories.
I then went through a very confusing time when I discovered that guys did see me and they were starting to want me just a little bit. This was the beginning of Grade 11 and I was now long raven-haired, braces-free and much more stylish. Plus a sudden spurt of hormones had given my some killer surfer hips...
I went after tihs guy that I saw at school, N.F. Another great guy and I thought it was a match made in heaven. I lured him to a party, got slightly drunk, made sure he was very drunk and kissed him. This was no awkward kiss though...oh no, it continued long into a sauna. Nothing but a little lip action though for the curious or in reality for my own records becuase who seriously would read this...
Feelings got mixed though and lets just say i liked him him when he didn't like me, we swapped and it stuck like that...to this day.
In the process of getting over him though I unfortunately made the mistake of kissing my good friend too who also liked me and pretty much made a complete awkward fool of myself.
Next came D.W. the cute guy from my cabin. Saunas really are good places to meet...He was sweet, friendly...and lived 3 hours away from me. But I still fell in like with him for lack of a better word. The day I was leaving, 15 minutes before I walked to my cfar, he tells me he likes me too and kisses me. Well that caused an uproar. We decided we were kind of going out and just going to visit each other as often as possible. Well that feeling lasted about a week and the actual plan lasted maybe a month when I felt it necessary to "break up" with him to clear the air even though we had never actually gone on a date.
End of January Grade 11 came though and I had the brilliant idea to host a party...alcohol provided. Yep that's right. It was tame though with only 30 kids and all from my school which speaks for itself. That's when I lured my new crush in. I had developed quite the self confidence now. I thought any man was mine now. I even had two after me at the same time. This may seem like bragging but after my rotten luck with boys earlier in my life, I think I have the right to brag now. Well my plan worked beautifully and by the end of the night we were making out in full view of the party and my mother (who stayed home because she was "feeling ill"). My mom is pretty chill though, cool with alcohol, making out and sleazy dress and make-up actually. And by the next morning I was dating J.S. He and T.H. (my best guy friend) had stayed over being too drunk to go home.
It was a pretty boring relationship I'm not going to lie. All woman-dominant, girl- on-top kind of business. Again not sexually but you catch the drift. I'm actaully still pretty innocent when it comes to matters of the birds and the bees...or am I?
We dated for a good two months but after that the boredom kicked in. I started avoiding him and flirting with his friends (bad I know). This continued on until nearly our 4th month anniversary! Like Jesus you would have thought he would have dumped me by now but as soon as he couldn't be my superman, he was...cry. A nasty sniffly cry that I despised. I just hate it when guys cry...so awkward. But I waqs now friends with his friends, his parents loved me and his younger brother and I even kind of got along. I didn't want to give this paper-perfect relatonship up! But I did. 90% because it wasn't working, 5% because of another interesting prospect and 5% out of sheer boredom and the desire to change things up.
I have now been termed a boy-hopper...with a whole two boys under my belt. Hah.
This other boy was C.C. I had liked him since I learned what boys were good for. We met at age 5 and lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same school. He was perfect. Kind, smart, cute and completely into me. i didn't see him for 5 years but when we saw eachother again, the pieces feel into place. He had grown up into a hot, blond haired, blue-eyed, football player who was still just as into me. We just clicked.
One night after a bit to much to drink and a shitload of shisha we finally admitted to liking eachother and began th Phase 1 dating section. It was admitted that we liked each other and we were content there. He even sent me a sober text the next day repeating my middle name (which I told him the night before but declared he would forget by the next morning), called me beautiful and admitte4d he liked me again. Here comes Phase 2. He would ask me to hang out but treat it as a casual hang out with friends. Then one night over some more shisha (I never had more shisha than when I waqs dating this kid), he aqsked me to pass the smoke and kissed me. There we go! First contact...yippee! Phase 3. He invites me over one on one for a scary movie. We of course start making out...full throttle. Like I'm talking Cosmopolitan magazine style due to the amount of that that I read. I suddenly blurt out:
"How long are we going to be "dating" before we actually start dating?"
Not quite the thing to say but it did the trick. Now we were actually dating. Well that lasted all of a month. He pulled some dick moves though...such as leaving me at a party with his friends while he hung out outside with a girl he liked and still likes for an hour and a half then bailing on me and leaving me to find my own way home. And getting mad that I was mad at him. It ended two days later. I was hurt. He broke up with me and then told his friends that I cryed and begged for him not to dump me which couldn't have been further from the truth.
All I can say now though is that its all good now...kind of. We're friends...kind of and I still hang with or without him with his friends he introduced me to. They're pretty cool kids I'm not going to lie. even if they are alcoholics and crazy football players haha...
This whole thing occured in July though so that does take us up to speed...hahaah
Almost.
Too much to say and too little finger typing capability. But this was the one that explained it all. I'm sorry if you're not asleep but come on you have to admit that it was slightly entertaining? Yes?
K maybe don't answer that...
Innocent? I think not.
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This is a test...
Date: Jul 20th, 2007 7:45:14 am - Subscribe
Mood: zen
This is simply a test to get things going and to really set up what I'm going to use this site for. This will now be like a diary or journal since who really writes things on paper these days?
My life has gotten too complicated to not write some of this shit down so i might as well post it somewhere where eith my luck one of my friends will see it and read it and uncover everything.
Everything will be written with fake names though not for other people's privacy because really they're not going to care, but more for my privacy. The only people will know what is going on is if they follow the blog i suppose. Maybe if they read enough entries they'll end up having some sort of daily entertainment by reading this stuff. Oh well, if anything it'll give me a good laugh to look back on...
Well here goes!
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