The One That Explains It All
Date: Aug 18th, 2007 6:11:11 am - Subscribe
Mood: out
So pretty much I started this blog a while ago in an attempt to keep track of my life, but then the more tempting option of actually going and living my life came up...
Sadly though, I find myself in another sticky situation. But like I said, I have to explain things first or nothing will ever make any sense and this will be useless. The problem is though that I don't know where to start...
I suppose I could start when in my mind my life actuslly began. If a person where to ask me what my life was like before my Grade 10 year, I would most likely say non-existant. Or worse yet, I would say that it was quite sad and I would rather forget about it. I never really had any self-confidence before Grade 10 and was often the victim of the lesser recognized "girl-bullying". Pathetic, I know. I was quiet, sweet, smiley and too open. Anybody could walk all over me and I would "be the bigger person" and just go on trying to get them to like me.
I still remember switching to my junior high school M.A.C. I was so excited and instantly fell into "the cool crowd". I began best friends with the most popular girl in our grade and thought that I was set for life. We ended up ending our friendship though and I thrust into three years of insecurity and irrational obnoxiousness in an attempt to fit in. I still remember the first guy that I liked there, G.G. I'm not going to lie...I was quite unfortunate looking then. I wore like retrieved '70's clothes, glasses and had bush-like, unstyled hair. Truth be told, he was completely out of my league which I discovered when the school found out about it and made that known to me.
No big though because I grew to hate him and even if he had asked me out by the end of the year I wouldn't have gone out with him.
I spend the next 2 years liking another guy who quite possibley liked me back but I was way too naive to act on it. I did however gain some confidence from believing that he was flirting with me. Anyways this is all irrelevant...and boring as hell.
By the end of Grade 9 I waqs sick of my little sheltered Christian private school life and ready to go exploring. I searched around but already knew where I wanted to go...WCHS.
Somehow I ended up 2 years later, finishing my second year at BCHS. A separate Catholic school. Not even going to explain this wack-job of a school though. All I can say is no teachers, no classes, no bells, and homework and tests when you feel like it...you do the math.
I settled right in though and scraped by through Grade 10 barely finishing the work but still getting a 91% average. That didn't even matter to me though, I realized that that year I had figured out the outside world including the forever mysterious realm of guys. I'm an only child and don't have any close guy cousins or family friends really so they were kind of foreign to me. But it was that year that I met my closest guy friend T.H. He is truly amazing and will continually be mentioned in this blog as my counselor, close friend, and the guy that caused me to understand guys. I did have a small crush on him when I met him and maybe I still do...who really knows. One thing for certain though, we have a deal that if we're not married by the time we're 30, we marry each other. He suggested we set the date at 20 but thats in like 2 years for him...
I still remember going into school the first day thinking I was Miss Cutie. Unfortunately no one clued me in that short puffy boy hair, braces and the figure of a 12 year old is not attactive no matter what cute clothes you have, how nicely your make-up looks and how funny your jokes are. Ok maybe it wasn't that bad but trust me it was bad. Somehow T.H. managed to see past that though and a year later all truth is revealed and I discover that he had a crush on my at the same time I had one on him.
So anyways, I get through Grade 10, the developing part of my life but still naive, gullible and fresh-faced. I had never had a boyfriend, maybe had one Smirnoff Ice, and still thought of a shoe when I heard the term Mary Jane. This was pretty much the time when my bestfriend who was slowly slipping out of my life decided to set me up with her boyfriend's friends. She had started dating him last Christmas and the effects of him were obvious. I had been best friends was A.R. since I was 4 and she was 3 and she had always needed me and couldn't go a day without me. Suddenly though I waqs the furthest thing from her mind and our convos were filled with talks of Andrew, her new sex-life (no joke, I did not want to hear about that), the drugs she was trying, the amount of times a cop had almost caught her and how much alcohol she could now down.
We slipped away but she felt it necessary to set me up with one of his friends first. He was ADD and this crazy wannabe asian gangster. A funny guy but completely the furthest thing from my type. Failed attempt #1. The next guy I met on my own but he was friends with her. He was a great guy and we really liked eachother but the fact that I wasn't what you would call a party girl then, he couldn't make time for my in his scheduale of drinking, breaking stuff, sneaking out and wandering around and pot. Tons and tons of pot. Failed attempt #2. The next guy actually turned out to be..oh here I go *blush* my first kiss...What a fucking waste! He was this intense gotti kid with brass knuckles and shit who enjoyed the casual shroom-fest. Again, doing shrooms and then having meaningless sex was not what i wanted. Failed attempt #3.
Who do I start dating? None other than my acne-ridden, two years older, socially challenged manager of McDs were I worked. Now that sounds horrible but he really was a great guy and he spoiled me. He payed for everything no matter what, treated me like a queen and for our 1 month anniversary bought me this gorgeous gold necklace and took my to watch fireworks over water. Of course this could only last so long though and really after 2 and a half months and a thought-filled trip to Barbados, I ended it. The summer however was filled with amazing times and even though the necklace is no longer part of my daily attire anymore (cough, cough) he was always be in my memories.
I then went through a very confusing time when I discovered that guys did see me and they were starting to want me just a little bit. This was the beginning of Grade 11 and I was now long raven-haired, braces-free and much more stylish. Plus a sudden spurt of hormones had given my some killer surfer hips...
I went after tihs guy that I saw at school, N.F. Another great guy and I thought it was a match made in heaven. I lured him to a party, got slightly drunk, made sure he was very drunk and kissed him. This was no awkward kiss though...oh no, it continued long into a sauna. Nothing but a little lip action though for the curious or in reality for my own records becuase who seriously would read this...
Feelings got mixed though and lets just say i liked him him when he didn't like me, we swapped and it stuck like that...to this day.
In the process of getting over him though I unfortunately made the mistake of kissing my good friend too who also liked me and pretty much made a complete awkward fool of myself.
Next came D.W. the cute guy from my cabin. Saunas really are good places to meet...He was sweet, friendly...and lived 3 hours away from me. But I still fell in like with him for lack of a better word. The day I was leaving, 15 minutes before I walked to my cfar, he tells me he likes me too and kisses me. Well that caused an uproar. We decided we were kind of going out and just going to visit each other as often as possible. Well that feeling lasted about a week and the actual plan lasted maybe a month when I felt it necessary to "break up" with him to clear the air even though we had never actually gone on a date.
End of January Grade 11 came though and I had the brilliant idea to host a party...alcohol provided. Yep that's right. It was tame though with only 30 kids and all from my school which speaks for itself. That's when I lured my new crush in. I had developed quite the self confidence now. I thought any man was mine now. I even had two after me at the same time. This may seem like bragging but after my rotten luck with boys earlier in my life, I think I have the right to brag now. Well my plan worked beautifully and by the end of the night we were making out in full view of the party and my mother (who stayed home because she was "feeling ill"). My mom is pretty chill though, cool with alcohol, making out and sleazy dress and make-up actually. And by the next morning I was dating J.S. He and T.H. (my best guy friend) had stayed over being too drunk to go home.
It was a pretty boring relationship I'm not going to lie. All woman-dominant, girl- on-top kind of business. Again not sexually but you catch the drift. I'm actaully still pretty innocent when it comes to matters of the birds and the bees...or am I?
We dated for a good two months but after that the boredom kicked in. I started avoiding him and flirting with his friends (bad I know). This continued on until nearly our 4th month anniversary! Like Jesus you would have thought he would have dumped me by now but as soon as he couldn't be my superman, he was...cry. A nasty sniffly cry that I despised. I just hate it when guys cry...so awkward. But I waqs now friends with his friends, his parents loved me and his younger brother and I even kind of got along. I didn't want to give this paper-perfect relatonship up! But I did. 90% because it wasn't working, 5% because of another interesting prospect and 5% out of sheer boredom and the desire to change things up.
I have now been termed a boy-hopper...with a whole two boys under my belt. Hah.
This other boy was C.C. I had liked him since I learned what boys were good for. We met at age 5 and lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same school. He was perfect. Kind, smart, cute and completely into me. i didn't see him for 5 years but when we saw eachother again, the pieces feel into place. He had grown up into a hot, blond haired, blue-eyed, football player who was still just as into me. We just clicked.
One night after a bit to much to drink and a shitload of shisha we finally admitted to liking eachother and began th Phase 1 dating section. It was admitted that we liked each other and we were content there. He even sent me a sober text the next day repeating my middle name (which I told him the night before but declared he would forget by the next morning), called me beautiful and admitte4d he liked me again. Here comes Phase 2. He would ask me to hang out but treat it as a casual hang out with friends. Then one night over some more shisha (I never had more shisha than when I waqs dating this kid), he aqsked me to pass the smoke and kissed me. There we go! First contact...yippee! Phase 3. He invites me over one on one for a scary movie. We of course start making out...full throttle. Like I'm talking Cosmopolitan magazine style due to the amount of that that I read. I suddenly blurt out:
"How long are we going to be "dating" before we actually start dating?"
Not quite the thing to say but it did the trick. Now we were actually dating. Well that lasted all of a month. He pulled some dick moves though...such as leaving me at a party with his friends while he hung out outside with a girl he liked and still likes for an hour and a half then bailing on me and leaving me to find my own way home. And getting mad that I was mad at him. It ended two days later. I was hurt. He broke up with me and then told his friends that I cryed and begged for him not to dump me which couldn't have been further from the truth.
All I can say now though is that its all good now...kind of. We're friends...kind of and I still hang with or without him with his friends he introduced me to. They're pretty cool kids I'm not going to lie. even if they are alcoholics and crazy football players haha...
This whole thing occured in July though so that does take us up to speed...hahaah
Almost.
Too much to say and too little finger typing capability. But this was the one that explained it all. I'm sorry if you're not asleep but come on you have to admit that it was slightly entertaining? Yes?
K maybe don't answer that...
Innocent? I think not.
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