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My Friends: the_empty, emogirlie, bobo, aya
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aya take me for a ride aladdin! - Subscribe

ok..so i will tell a story..a dora loves a diego..then the diego chooses to lie to the dora about countless things and dora is left all distraught. how sad. a dora is not one to mope but because of certainties, she allows herself to be miserable. a diego is not one to work on his mistakes nor make up for them. ayayay and ariba ariba!..and the plot thickens..chickens

i am a wreck. i wish i had alcohol or maybe even a spooning buddy to get over everything. the latter, an exaggeration of course. or is it? i wish i had a magic carpet! (which is still, by the way, the main component of my sexual fantasy)..you know what else would help distract me from my shit telenovela? a horse. if there was a big horse in the room, now that would be wild.

on a lighter note, i just came from the NU rock awards. twas kickass, as expected. i was able to watch all the bands i wanted to watch plus cheap booze. the awardees however..eh..

hguoht ereht saw he

oh well

i'd love to work as an organizer for events like that. it would be the best! i wouldn't have to be a groupie to be a part of that sorta scene. free concerts, performances, and a few freebies here and there. that's the shit, man.

wonder if my course covers that field. multimedia arts. hmm. sounds like it would.

well, i'm pretty much at a loss for words. exhausted and hungry too. dang it. that's it, i'm good. i'ma head off to my magic carpet dreams, if ya know what i mean

1 Comments
Mood: psssshhh

aya help..start reading 12345 Nov 23rd, 2008 - Subscribe

my my, now where do i start? i find there's more for me to do nowadays than ever. i have encountered many surprising advances as well as lashed out at crazy bitch girls who i'd love to just pile drive into mounds of cow shit..but other than that, i'm pretty damn good.

i've been trying to just relax. avoid the drama. new tactics for my 20 year old self. instead of using this as a portal for my excessive rants and banter, i will make this more of an opinions column. or even sex column. or even, hmm..iunno..sports column.

i've gone a long way. i used to write poems and short stories here. that ended and then became this drama log. now, well..let's talk about..mmm..randy couture

i'm not like other girls. i don't shop, don't know how to put on make up, i curse like a sailor, and i don't own a dress. the only girl thing that i actually make sure to purchase frequently are sanitary napkins..

anyway, couture fought against lesnar about a week or two ago. AND GOD, that sucked. i mean, yes, obviously i'm a couture fan but c'mon, the fight could've gone so much better! randy couture looked tiny in lesnar's guard. lesnar's huge! do you know that they have to custom make his gloves cause none of the standard sizes fit his gorilla fists?? he's like a...XXXXXL?!?!

oh but lesnar's strong. i can admit that. and FAST for such a big guy man geez. when randy fell, then brock started to just pound his face (which really did look as if he was jacking off randy's face) it looked like his fist covered half of randy's head. it was a disappointing match, i thought that it would go on for at least 3 rounds. even joe rogan sounded disappointed..haaay..next time

brock looks like a baby. with no eye brows.
12345
my project for my design concepts class is to do a mini-thesis on any topic you like. my topic that was approved was on body art. now i'm not sure what that entails. tattooing, piercing, branding..does it include that suspension thing where people are pierced through their backs and chests to hang from wires? or is that performance art.

i'm trying to avoid making my topic too broad but i must know which too include. i have to do so much for this actually. i have to come up with a story board for a TV commercial, a script or audio ep for a radio commercial, a poster, a flyer, a billboard design, and several promotional items.

god i hate school

it would help though, if i got opinions from other people. i know i don't got much readers but to those who come across this and decide to comment, THANK YOU!

Now, just lemme know what your take is on body art. tattoos, piercings, whatever. if you have any, explain why you got them and what is the sentiment behind them. oh and lemme know if i should also write about the suspension thing.

i'm out. adios

0 Comments
Mood: badabing badaboom

aya imagination oblation Oct 4th, 2008 - Subscribe

kablam, boy. i haven't been here in a very very long time. my computer got fucked and well, didn't have time to really find somewhere else to do my ranting. well haven't had much to really write about.

well no, that's a lie. there have been days that i was literally itching to just let it all out. i get so weird at times and i tend to think way too much, so i'm there mindlessly grinding my teeth till i hurt myself.

my mind thinks in alternate levels and i feel like i have to catch up with myself sometimes or even pin down my restless thoughts. when my imagination gets wild enough i even imagine myself doin' a tombstone pile driver on my subconscious ass.

i imagine the guinea pigs. i wish them well yet i don't consider returning to my once sanctuary. i feel that it would be too much for me to take once the emotions start kicking back in. plus, concrete has become so unappealing to me.

i imagine at times if the beats ever went away. i imagine sometimes what it would be like with that one. i continue this imaginary world til half way through i see him and everything freezes. i then imagine how horrible it would've been if he were gone.

i imagine her. i imagine girl. i imagine woman. i imagine what there would've been. i imagine how it would work. i spiral out of control and then freak myself out with these raunchy thoughts...now this is where the tombstone pile driver comes in...

after regaining composure,

i imagine him hurting me again. i imagine him imagining her imagining if they were wrong about each other. then i imagine him imagining me imagining whether or not i'm paranoid enough to spy and catch him.

i drive myself completely insane. it's 4 am and i'm still clawing my way into bed..

ciao!

0 Comments
Mood: i'm a day dreamer..err..day nightmare-er

emogirlie My Dreams Are Coming True. Oct 4th, 2008 - Subscribe

So... I used to blog on here all the time... a long time ago. Some of you may remember me. I was pretty depressing... complaining a lot and such. Telling disgusting and dirty secrets...

I got rid of all my blogs because I'm over that part of my life. Anyway, I did blog about how I was going to publish a book one day. Well, I'm doing it. A publishing company accepted me. The book's going to be out in ebook, audiobook, paperback, and maybe hardcover by next summer. I'm psyched. But... I knew it would happen. If you want something THAT bad... eventually it'll happen.

Things have been going so well for me. I'm just radiating light and love and joy.

Read The Power of Now. It helped me A LOT... with life in general. It'll help you too... even if you "don't need help..."

That's all. Just randomly felt like coming back here. Every once and a while it is nice to return to the past.

1 Comments
Mood: A little buzzed. :O

aya evolution of billy joe AANGstrong Aug 7th, 2008 - Subscribe

check this, if we were to skidaddle our ways through blue floors and orange fields we must believe that we are purple snowmen on the verge of orgasm.

so life has been as normal as normal allows me. there ain't much to it, actually. less drama, away from the guinea pigs. i am enjoying my current stray quite immensely, to be honest. although slowly, i do feel that sooner rather than later, i will be faced with overpopulation and claustrohobia. not to mention, the pain stricken re-runs of attack of the flashbacks and the redundancy of it all if it were to pan out that way.

i can't fathom going through anything like that again. i'd prefer going through a combination of dicks and hughs rather than that explosion of romance extremities all over again. why exactly would you like to return to where you once escaped?

it's a different story though when the lemmings find their way back to you... lemmings, wide eyed lemmings... incessant, they are but admirable? ..too much has happened for me to make any remotely correct analyses. so i just refuse to.

it's mature in it's own way. i try to be more of an optimist nowadays. despite the bickering, little friendship tiffs, and grappling, i have managed to maintain a sunny disposal to anyone i get close enough to...but then again, i could be lying to myself.

it's like marching to your own drum in a way... or sum'n like that...OH...and speaking of drums...

well, i am officially the proud girlfriend of the avatar. he has evolved from jack 5 to popeye, and now he's the avatar..that boy makes me smile.

0 Comments
Mood: yabmats traboks, tol

aya hush Jul 25th, 2008 - Subscribe

mahal mo pa ba ako katulad ng dati?
sana oo..sana mas grabe..
bago matulog, naiisip mo pa ba ako?
sana oo, sana hanggang pag gising mo

na sa akin pa ba ang puso mo?
o binigay mo na sa iba at sa aki'y tinatago?
kulang ba ang pagmamahal ko?
sabihin mo sana bago mahulog mas lalo

masaya ako habang kapiling ka
pero bale wala rin kung may iniisip kang iba
ako ba'y binibigyan mo ng halaga?
ano ako sayo? may pagtingin ka pa ba?

wag mo ko saktan nanaman, di ko kaya
ayoko ng umiyak, ayoko ng umasa
ayoko ng mataranta, ayoko ng matulala
ayoko na..ayoko ng mawala ka

pakiusap lang, mahal na mahal kita,
mahalin mo naman ako, at sana kaya
alagaan mo naman puso kong na sa'yo
wag mo ng itapon, wag ka ng lumayo

at para sa'yo, pinabayaan kong yumaon
ang mali mo, at pagkakataon mo ngayon
para mapakita sa'kin kung andyan pa talaga
ang pag-ibig mo sa'kin at kung may halaga

0 Comments
Mood: ****

aya menage a trois Jun 30th, 2008 - Subscribe

wow. didn't think it would get to me. this is somewhat of a surprise to be completely honest. didn't think it would be this difficult. i have no preparation for this. didn't think it would hurt. i'm left feeling like shit again but hey, what else is new?

first off, you my midget skaterboy, i did not expect mistreatment from you. treat me better. then you, ice breaker, what the hell is going on in your freakin head?! tone down the massive headphones why dontcha? you're gona cause permanent damage. and of course there's you, you with your clean uniform lookin all fresh and smellin good, samson himself. you see in the stories, once delilah cuts your hair off that's he end of all torment. why's it you keep haunting me?!

the skaterboy, i can deal with. hell, surprisingly, you're the least of my problems. ice breaker, just as long as you maintain skating on what appears to now be wafer-thin ice without breaking through and taking the plunge, it's cool. but samson, god damn it!!! i wana bash your face in half of the time. but i dont know how i'd do that considering how hard it is for me to look at you. i look at your chest whenever a conversation strikes, in case you have not noticed.

it's not that much of a feat since you are really tall anyway, it causes less strain on the neck talkin to you the way i do now at my head level.

it's when were sitting down it gets difficult. i run out of places to look and i find nmyself jumpin glance from your cigarette to your breast pocket. it's so dumb..and probably obvious..

i dont want you speaking to me any longer. especially about things i do not wana hear!! can you not see my grimace every freaking time you bring it up?! dense retard boy.

ah no wait..strike that..i dont want you to figure this out..waaaayy to much at stake..but fuck man, i wish you'd just shut the hell up and keep good distance..well..no not stay away..just..dont bring her..maaan...this is driving me insane!

..te va no mi dice nada que pasa que ya no te veo..

insane in the membrane

0 Comments
Mood: and not the good kind

emogirlie The Bitch Posse May 27th, 2008 - Subscribe

Hey! I just read The Bitch Posse. It was the best read I've had in a long time!! Go out and read it today! SOOO GOOD! Here's the synopsis:

These are the confessions of the Bitch Posse. Cherry, Rennie, and Amy were outcasts, rebels, and dreamers. And their friendship was so all-encompassing that some would call it dangerous. This is the story of three women �" as seniors in high school and as women in their mid-thirties �" who formed a bond in order to survive the pitfalls and perils of their lives.
In the present day, one of them is a wife and mother-to-be, trying to live a "normal" life. One of them is a writer who engages in a number of self-destructive relationships. And one of them is in a mental hospital �" and has been ever since that one fateful night fifteen years ago, when a heart-wrenching betrayal and the unraveling of relationships led them to a point of no return, where their actions triggered unimaginable consequences. These secrets have torn them apart while inextricably binding them to one another. What happened to them? And can they survive their shared history, even today?

The Bitch Posse is an anthem for friendships that defy society's approval or disapproval. It's a novel of secrets, courage, sacrifice, and hope against the odds. It is both a journey back to being a girl on the verge of adulthood, and a journey forward, showing how the events of our past can unearth the best in us today.

Dare to jump in.

1 Comments
Mood: whatever

aya shut down May 24th, 2008 - Subscribe

that was heart pounding. seeing you again after everything you've said. seeing you again after totally wrecking friendships. we are one sick and twisted duo, sir. although you couldn't look at me. is it wrong to say that hurt? i don't expect you to be the total cheese ball you were before but hey, it's me. i mean, i know that's probably not the right thing to say to you given everything that's happened but come on..please?..don't hate me..

we both knew this was to happen someday, our encounter. did you expect me to just pretend like i didn't see you? pretend that you weren't there? that's dumb. look, i tried to say hi. i tried to wave. what the hell did you do? you hopped from front seat to back seat and what you're like 6 feet tall? that's not easy to do for a guy with your stature. and don't tell me you not minding me was a good thing. do you honestly think that that decision of yours will make it easier for you to gain peace of mind? if there was an exchange of any sort of acknowledgement at least both of us would know that there is chance for reconciliation.

i know we need time and i'm not rushing it but that was just so sad. it was all messed up. you won't believe how much my heart was pounding knowing that you'd be in the car when we walked her over there. it was so unbelievably awkward! your vocalist acknowledged me and octopus boy rolled down the window and asked me for a hug. it was so weird.. not a word from you, not even a glance.

i'm feeling incredibly guilty. i'm feeling like i've hurt you so much so that there is no more for us but to be mere memories of former friends. it sucks!

i wish there was a way that we can undo everything. or at least a way to ease the process of getting back on track. i actually do think about how much i'll miss you, you know. which i will, and perhaps already do.

damn fuck, this is a difficult situation..

0 Comments
Mood: ****

aya my long overdue heart's cry (2) May 14th, 2008 - Subscribe

soon there after, he would come running back to me and i'd be thrilled. i love him. of course, i'd want him back. he did this thrice.. and left me thrice..for her.. he poured his heart out to her, he told her she was beautiful and she was amazing.. he tried to offer her his heart when i thought all the while that his heart belonged to me.. i was crushed.

i let him go for good then. but we had a deal that when he and i would end, i would sing to him one whole song and that he would slow dance with me throughout a whole song. neither of which we ever accomplished during our 17 months together. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do.

he was holding me, swaying me back and forth while i sang. we were both crying and it was very hard to sing with his grip so tight. i thought for a second that that meant he did not want to let me go...i guess he was just more of guilty than sad about losing me..

i'd come home wishing that i would find some sort of sanctuary, it wouldn't work. i'd go out finding comfort in friends, it wouldn't work.. then he calls and i feel the safest i've ever felt in my life but also, i'm scared shitless of how i'd handle sleeping when he puts the phone down..

i was lost and i was not sure of how i'd find my way back. if i were to journey back to my old ways, i would lose ever winning him back completely. but if i were to continue to be the better person i became with him, it would hurt knowing that he's not there to root me on anymore. he tells me to keep my chin up and smile.. hearing that from anyone else though would just destroy me.. how can i be strong when he was my strength?

..i'm still in recovery and hopefully this long overdue rant works as some sort of therapy..

0 Comments
Mood: i'm pathetic

aya my long overdue heart's cry (1) May 14th, 2008 - Subscribe

i was hurt. more than i can ever explain. it hurt so much to the point of not wanting to move or get off my ass to eat something.

i tried to put up a front when speaking with him. i tried to be strong. but hearing his voice just felt like repeated stabbing of my heart. it just continued to make me aware that i would never hear him say that he loves me or that he misses me anymore.

every time he'd call would break me even more but i thought, well this is the only way i'd be able to keep him as close as possible, to be able to hear his voice even if he was talking about someone else. it hurt so much.

it was hard to breathe and i'm a smoker. imagine how hard it was on my lungs as is then he had to go take every inch of will power in me to breathe. i wanted someone to hold me. then when i'd finally have that someone, it made everything worse because i knew that this person i have chosen to take me into his arms is not the person whose arms i wish were holding me.

i gave him my heart and it was the first time i ever gave someone my heart. i trusted and loved him so dearly thinking that he would never hurt me. he broke it. he let it die. i never thought he'd be the one who'd hurt me. he wasn't happy with me. although just earlier on, he told me how he could see himself marrying me and how i was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

i fell to floor and i could my feel my chest throbbing. the tears wouldn't stop. i was just there hoping, waiting for when he'd come back and save me. hell tends to crash down on me a lot, especially because of the family i was born into but no matter how bad that got, he made everything better..

he made everything worthwhile. he was what i believe god gave me as a gift. making him happy was something i knew i was doing right in my life..and then he took it all away..

0 Comments
Mood: bear with me

aya HEADLINE: monkey man attempts an attack on the tall dark tree May 8th, 2008 - Subscribe

uncalled for, one might say. that was unfair and not to mention inappropriate. what must i do now, sir? there are so many things i wish i could've said but now, i can't look at you.

i'm not sure if it's guilt or frustration or fear but i just can't talk to you. i can't see you. this is one for the books. you drive me insane. and more than i could have ever fathomed. you're one persistent cookie, dear. you make it so difficult.

i don't wish to blame you. you didn't mean for things to pan out this way. i just wish you didn't give in. i just wish i didn't give in. you made everything so much more difficult. you have implanted the thinking of a possible huge regret. although luckily, i stand firm.

now it's upto the monkey man to save me from the tall dark trees that seem to loom and crowd around me. it's left to him to keep me grounded. it's left with him to seal the deal. god i hope i did the right thing.

the monkey man has not yet failed me before. except for that one time. i was practically hanging for dear life on that lanky yet proud tree branch. fortunately enough, he caught me before falling completely.

it was one of the hardest things i ever had to do, letting go. a small part of me still wishes i never did cause though the tall dark tree scares me, it still proves to be stable and strong and at times, more of a refuge than a big ass annoying tree in the middle of my shit forest of young adulthood.

it's too soon to tell but it looks like things are looking up. let's just see if the positivity keeps up with me.

let's just hope mr. monkey man doesn't choose to just chop down the trees... what's a forest without it, right?

0 Comments
Mood: timber says the lumberjack on speed

aya blaHH Apr 26th, 2008 - Subscribe

he is far away in a yellow land and i'm stuck here with the green boy. green boy has a sidekick we call mr.octopus. mr.octopus seems to be making some advances too. now isn't that entertaining? it leaves me boggled with how the world thinks.

sometimes i'm strong..and other times i cry like a bitch. i'm not sure why. i feel that i can control my emotions but sometimes i break down in a heartbeat (i think it's cause i don't want to control them at that particular moment)..again, i'm not sure why.

i tend to dwell too. i know it's wrong but i can't seem to just move on a whole lot of the times. it takes forever for me to move on. it's always been like that for me. it makes everything so much more depressing and i'm aware of it being my own fault. i just..can't help it.

it's hard when i'm alone too. i tend to think too much. i'ma start seeing a councilor. i never liked going to those. i never thought they helped as much as my mom expected. what they do for me, my friends can do for me actually. plus with my friends, it's for free and so much comfortable.

green boy makes my heart skip a beat and mr. octopus makes my tummy flutter. although, i still i was in yellow land with someone else.

i really am losing it.

peace and love...

1 Comments
Mood: ****

aya triangulo Apr 22nd, 2008 - Subscribe

hi babe. why are we like this? i don't think there's anything wrong with me. well, there are a lot wrong with me but i treat you right. of that, i'm sure. treat me right, baby. i deserve it. stop getting mad so unreasonably. pano ako? puta!..i love you so much. what happened to the boy who seemed so willing to change for me? to fight? i miss you

hi sir. ano ba talaga yung nararamdaman ko para sayo? ba't parang pag andun ka umiikot tiyan ko? di naman kita mahal. pag kaharap kita, di ako nakikilig o ano..parang takot? di ko ma explain e. gusto kong lumayo. mahirap lang talaga e. magkaibigan tayo, matagal na. di pwedeng mabura ka sa buhay ko ng ganun lang e. sana ganong kadali.

you have your period, you're probably just PMSing. stop being such a fucking pussy. get into the game and step up. don't bend down to the little bitch boy you. stop loving him too fucking much. well at least stop loving him too much to the point of degrading yourself like crazy.

0 Comments
Mood: godamit

aya being a drama queen must be extremely difficult Apr 8th, 2008 - Subscribe

so..i'm confused..let's call them george and charlie. you see, george and i have been together for almost two years now. he and i have been friends for about 5 years. charlie has too been my friend, longer than george has actually. oh but george and charlie are like best friends, closer than i've ever gotten to either of these boys. they've been like brothers since high school.

here's where it started to get complicated. george and i reach a little over a year and charlie finds himself falling in love with me. wrong wrong WRONG timing. although, given how much of a prick george can be sometimes, charlie had a solid chance then. i brushed it off though, finding my love for george is far too great to lose.

a couple of months pass and i thought charlie was long gone from the situation. then the shit hits the fan, george turns a complete 180 and tries his luck with another girl. this moment in my life was the lowest i've ever felt. ever. it hurt a lot. it didn't last long though. after a lot of yelling and crying and my fist to his face, well george realized his mistakes and comes right back to me.

during this whole ordeal though with george's fuck up, charlie was my run to. charlie is an amazing guy but..eh..he's not george. oh but you should've heard the things he would tell me. it was flattering and tempting to the point of me having half a mind to just drop george and give it a go with charlie. i find out this time that his feelings for me never went away, he just got better at hiding it..

but again...i chose to stick it out with george..god, i don't know what's going on half of the time. i'm never sure if i'm making the right decisions! i still have this huge what if feeling towards charlie but i have a huge kiss and make up feeling towards george.

the fact that these two are practically brothers makes everything so much more difficult! they never used to fight before..until i came into the picture..i'm worried that the longer i think the way i do (the undecided, emotionally drained psychopath), the worse my condition can get..and i'm probably gonna lose one of them if i keep this up..

i can't avoid either of them. george goes to my school. we're in the same freakin course. and charlie is the drummer of the band i manage. plus he lives nearby.

i love george. a shit load. so why do i wonder about charlie so much? why do i picture me and charlie happening someday?

although, when i'm with george. i want only george. i want to keep him. he really does make me extremely happy. and after all the shit (which he took total responsibility for, mind you), he promises he would make it up to me. that he'll make everything better and we'd be happier. we've been through so much already, he says. he asked for the chance to prove himself.. see how tempting??!

and then, on the other hand, there's charlie. he tells me that george has not been giving me the importance i deserve. that he should have waited instead of withdrawing if george was just going to hurt me anyway. even my closest friends have told me that charlie really does love me. and if i were to give him a chance not only will he be the happiest guy in the universe, he'd make me smile 24/7...charlie told me, he could be the guy who'd give me back the same amount of love plus more..which is just as fucking tempting!!

this is so gossip girl. well i wouldn't know. i don't watch that show. but i guess this is what they call teen drama. at least i can say i'm actually experiencing it before i hit my twenties..which is in about..oh wow..3 months..fucker..it's not fun! i don't understand how the popular girls in my highschool could do it. i'm a sophomore in college and it's driving me up the wall. glad, i was a huge tomboy in highschool. these kinds of problems at the age of 16?!? whew! i would've been smokin reefers dusk til dawn..insane man

0 Comments
Mood: no wonder lindsay lohan's losing it

aya just like that. Mar 23rd, 2008 - Subscribe

i can't believe he let it go like that. i fought when the drummer boy pulled me close. he didn't even fight for me. i can't believe it's over. he chooses a girl he falls for about a week ago over the girl he's loved since highschool. i didn't think i could feel so much pain.

you really can feel so much emotional pain that it hurts throughout your entire body. and he admits that i have been nothing but amazing. he just fell out of it. it's one of the heaviest feelings in the world. i'm young i know. and this is just one sad drama scenario of a babbling 19 year old. but hell, it's hurts.

although, no matter how many people have told me i deserve better and he's not worth it. i'm still waiting. waiting in the wings. i'm a stupid girl that way. he's made it pretty clear though that he doesn't want me. but also, he admits that there is a part of him that still sees me with him. because i am the masochist i am. i'm just gonna let him hurt me.

ain't that pathetic? wish i had more to go on though.

i just love him to fucking much.

0 Comments
Mood: how's that now?

aya cry baby Mar 18th, 2008 - Subscribe

how are you? are you happy? i know this was my idea. i just can't believe it was that easy for you to decide. when i thought about it was so hard to fathom. i guess i'm a bigger mess than i thought huh. don't make promises, you can't keep.

i bet you're happier now. i'm not though. i'm not happy but surprisingly neither am i that broken up about it. i wish though i could feel something. i wish i had a better idea of what's going on. i really hope that i'm not gonna have to be the one chasing him all over the place.

maybe once, he'd fight for me. never would i ever leave him hanging like that. i wouldn't avoid him. no matter how bad his shit gets, i would still be there. i guess he just can't take that kind of stress. i'm more trained than he is. but i honestly don't think that's an excuse.

maybe this'll be good for him. it'll just hurt a lot if i find out if he's better off without me. which is probably what's gonna happen. i'll just hope that soon he'll start to miss me then.

0 Comments
Mood: ****

aya ah fuck Mar 15th, 2008 - Subscribe

oh my god. i just got turned on by another boy. this is weird. he's one of my best guy buds. great friend. great guy. he had a sex dream with me last night. he told me about it. i thought about it. thought about it too much. boy, this is weird.

know what else? i think i wanna go on a break. i'm not sure what i'd say is the reason though. i just think he really is much more damaging to my condition right now. i'm not well. many issues regarding family and finances. i think i wanna go on a break. i'm not sure though. like i don't wanna see him for a while. i wanna be with friends. i think i'm getting suffocated.

my friends make me feel better than he does.

what the fuck am i gonna do?

0 Comments
Mood: ****

aya boy next door Mar 15th, 2008 - Subscribe

he can be a huge prick sometimes. it's like every other day he pisses me off. don't know what that's about. wish he'd get a clue. he used to be much better with the whole make me smile thing. now, i find myself wanting to wring his neck more than cuddling, y'know.

well anyway, this'll boil down. don't wanna rant like crazy.

so i'm extremely bored. there's nothing to do when stuck at home alone. i don't even have cigarettes. there's nothing to watch on TV. there are re-runs of the simpsons though. might wanna check that out later.

i wish i had a neighbor with an xbox 360 or PS3. preferrably a boy, cause they play cooler video games. plus, i'm more of a boy than a girl half the time so having a video game homebody neighbor would be extremely convenient for me during times like this. those type of boys usuallly have quite a selection of chips and junk so it'd really be great cause i constantly have cheetos cravings.

i'd also appreciate having a neighbor with one hell of a tv room or den. surround sound with wall to wall dvd racks. i can watch movies and series all day long. those type of people have the frito-lay madness as well. that'd be great, wouldn't it?

i have a girl neighbor who lives right across. she's gay and going with a girl from my group of friends in college. i can't see myself hanging out with her much. she's girly. her girlfriend, my friend, is the butch. she's sweet though. i just don't think we'd have much in common.

i wish i had a car and a license too. that way i could go wherever i feel like. although, i am usually broke so i wouldn't know where to go.

maybe to one of my video gamer/moviebuff guy friend's houses...haha

fucker..i want cheetos

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Mood: sad saturday

aya stripperella and glass blow jobs Mar 10th, 2008 - Subscribe

i still have a problem sleeping. everyday, my class starts at 8 AM. i live an hour away from school, well depending on traffic. and yet, i still choose to sleep at 3-4 in the morning. my alarm's set at 5:45 AM. i never get enough sleep. my mother's worried, she thinks i might have insomnia. i would love to get a good night's rest. i just.. don't know my definition of a good night.

speaking of mom, she's taking these weird lessons. i always knew they held lessons like this one in the U.S. and maybe europe. i didn't think they'd do this in the philippines. well anyway, she's taking up stripteasing as a weekly workout routine. she came home today saying she learned how to striptease while using a chair as props. my mom just turned 49.

my mom such a character.

and people wonder why i'm such a weirdo.

i would love to take some martial art. or maybe cooking lessons. i know how to defend myself (man, when i get into fight, it's insane..i don't care if i'm a girl) and i know how to cook. i just wanna hone or enhance my skills..or whatever you call it..plus, it'd be cool to have a certificate afterwards. the last award i received was...grade school. well, aside from my high school diploma.

or maybe i can take up glass blowing! that'd be kickass. i love watching glass blowing on tv. i wonder if they anything like that here..

i'd make beavis and butthead shaped vases and elephant shaped ashtrays.

but i'm real clumsy..glass wouldn't probably be my best medium.

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Mood: ****