44caliber's Blog

I thought I'd give an update...
Date: Jan 29th, 2007 1:24:06 pm - Subscribe
Mood: fine


Yesterday was pretty bad. Besides the fact that I'm still grounded, a lot of drama went on thanks to him.

First, I woke up to Mike calling me telling me he had quit his job because the manager ticked him off. He said he'd call me later so I hung up and went back to sleep. I finally decided to not be completely lazy and got up and played guitar hero 2 for an hour or so. My mom was at work and called to tell me she was renting some movies when she got out and if me and Matt were hungry she'd pick up food. She got bakers and rented that movie with the rock, nacho libre, and the break-up. Then I went online and was talking to Mark for awhile while I was messaging Josh. Of course, me and Josh were arguing, but I was trying to make peace with him. I figured everything between us still hasn't been "let go of" because he still holds a grudge against me. I told him how I didn't want there to be a wall between us anymore, that if he didn't want to talk at all I'd understand, but I didn't want grudges held anymore. He said he didn't have a grudge (bull shit) and I said Obviously you do if you throw the past in my face everytime we talk. Then I just got pissed, frustrated, and hurt. I don't know if he'll ever let that go. I didn't even directly hurt him, he was just hurt cause I didn't lose my virginity to him. Which I think is really stupid considering how close we were. I mean, yeah, he can be hurt..I would have been hurt to if it were the other way around but not enough to hate someone who you thought you loved. I loved that boy more than anything. He was my best friend and my world, and now he's this guy who hates me.

I had made a new screen name and before Josh had told me to add his new sn and I had but he was never on. So when I loaded my BL on my new sn he was signed on. Turns out he had me blocked that whole time. I IMed him, of course, even though we had fought earlier and he left me saying "go talk to your bf." I still said "hi, it's steph." I just can't delete him from my life the way he's trying to do to me, or the way he has...I don't know. It was a very short conversation though. Not a big deal at all. Of course he had to start shit up by saying "why'd you have to fuck everything up?" Though right after that he said he had to go so we didn't get the chance to argue. That's good cause if we had I probably would have felt like shit the rest of the night.

So after he left Jane signed on. It was good speaking with her. She's such a great friend. It was almost nine and Mike still hadn't called me back. I hate when he does that. He'll say he'll call me but I get so impatient and especially cause everytime he decides to call me back really late. So I texted him, "goodnight then." and he called me. Figures. We talked till 12 and I let him go to sleep cause he has a 0 period. Our conversation was very interesting. At first it was silent and the kind of awkward you get annoyed by, but after a little bit things went back to normal and we're cracking jokes and I'm smiling on the other end of the phone. He does that to me good. Then the conversation got sexual. It's weird. He's the only boy I've ever been comfortable enough with to talk about things like that to or say stuff like that, if you know what I mean. We are so close emotionally and physically.

There's a lot more I want to say but the bell's gunna be ringing soon so I'll end this now and update later.
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