44caliber's Blog

I'm back!
Date: Nov 2nd, 2006 6:54:51 pm - Subscribe
Mood: fine


I haven't written in this thing for quite some time now. Look at the date below. A lot has changed with my life in just that amount of time.

It's easy to lose something so easily and never have that chance to gain it back. I lost somebody close to me. I lost my best friend. The boy I'd turn to for anything is no longer there. The way things ended was even shittier. It came out of no where. I've cried enough and I will not allow myself to continue feeling guilty for something I shouldn't feel guilty at all for. He pushed me away, I must remember.

With that said. A particular boy came into my life. Maybe to fill the blank? Either way, he filled it well, and now we're dating. It was hard for me at first. Especially after the "loss" I had, but I realized I was going to give up on someone who could be great for me for nothing at all. My best friend or whatever you want to consider him, wasn't going to come back, and I've finally accepted that fact. It tears me apart, but there's nothing I can do but let go. No one said being strong was easy.

Lets see..I'm doing extremely good this year. I have straight a's. Yup. Straight A's! I love saying that because this has never happened to me before..sadly. I've always been the lazy, 'i don't care' person, but I've really got myself together. I guess that's what your last year does to you. It shocks me thinking this is my last year in high school. This is the last year I'm not "on my own." Sometimes it scares the shit out of me. I'm a shy girl and I'm not very good of being on my own. I know I'd be alright, I'm just not ready to be. We'll see how things feel by the end of the year though.

Which brings me to my goal. After high school I have to go to Valley. Which isn't bad, I'm not complaining much, it's just I have no other choice. I don't have good enough grades to go to a University, though a community is way cheaper and I'm fine with that. I'm going to major in Journalism, try getting an intership with AP (Alternative Press magazine) and if that all works out looks like I'm moving to Ohio! It's the only way I can work for them. I doubt that they offer online working. That would be the toughest part for me..leaving California..leaving my friends and family. Of course I'd only be out there until I gain enough experience and knowledge about the company to create my very own magazine. That's when I'd move back.

Anyways.

I love reading old entries on my oldddddd livejournal. And when I mean old, I mean 2004 old. It kinda bums me out a bit though because I wrote about a boy I used to know, a boy who went on in a different life. I boy I'll be seeing once my life is taken as well. I miss him a lot. I miss you Good Friend! I miss you.
Comments: (1)

you've got to be kidding me.
Date: Jun 6th, 2006 1:10:01 pm - Subscribe
Mood: yucky


June 6, 2006
You don't generally like to question things too closely, in case you notice a flaw that could mar a seemingly perfect situation. However, the current astral configuration may cause you to have some thoughts about your latest relationship, and whether it is actually good for you or not. If you are beginning to notice cracks in the wallpaper, there is no point in covering them up.


Even my horoscope knows I have no luck.
Comments: (3)

song
Date: Apr 19th, 2006 1:08:23 pm - Subscribe
Mood: devoted


It's just words...
words that have been long to tell...
words that'll take your heart away
Comments: (0)

the movie repeats itself
Date: Feb 13th, 2006 1:04:01 pm - Subscribe
Mood: ugh


Does it all just happen so fast? Life, death, that one hit you took that made you feel so alive. I don't know if I'm capable of being put through it again. The funeral, and the guilt; it's already too much to overcome, I don't need another to add to the list.
I wish she would stop socking her face. Doesn't she realize she's socking me too? The other night she wrote me a letter when she was buzzed off the vodka we stole from "the babies." She wrote about drowning and forgetting everything. Then the next day told me not to worry about her. It's funny how she thinks it is so easy to forget something that serious, and how I've already experienced and regret not helping my good friend. She is starting to say the same things he used to say. It's a scary feeling. I just hope she doesn't take a step further the way he did. But hope can only get you so far.
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News flash
Date: Nov 18th, 2005 1:27:29 pm - Subscribe
Mood: lame


I'm going to begin using this journal again. Especially since livejournal has now been blocked from the school websites.
Everything lately has been a downfall for me. It seems as though i'm paying a price for messing up all these years. Its finally kicked me in the ass.
I have shitty grades, i've been grounded for quite awhile now, and i'm not off the hook until december 6th. Friendships are getting screwed up, and so is my love life.
Fuck.
Comments: (0)