Mall
Date: Dec 31st, 2004 6:22:27 am - Subscribe
Mood: keen
munchinmunchies: Nothing. I gotta change this option.
Hiya ^_^ Again...today has become remarkably better than when compared to just a few days ago. It's funny how destroyed I can be one moment and then how content I can be the next. But I shouldn't complain. After all staying the in the same state of sorrow and despair can become quite tiring on one's thoughts. I consider it toxic really.
So I woke up this morning at around 7 to get ready to go to Jackson with my Mom. I had invited Brett since he said he wanted to go ( I would have invited ya too Marle but you mentioned having plans with Travis. We shall go ourselves sometime!) so I got ready within record time in case he showed up early. It got around 8:30, the time when we were supposed to leave, and Brett still haven't appeared. So I thought about how Brett reacts to the early hours of the morning and decided to call his cell, and sure enough I woke him up xD He made me decide whether or not he was going to go back to sleep or get up and go...which I hated! I don't like making decisions for people! We gave him 20 minutes or so to get a shower and drove by to pick him up, then we were on our way. He and I spent most of the ride beating each other's scores on my Donkey Kong Country II and making sneaky lunges for each other's noses, but at one point ym Mom stopped on the side of the road and asked if I would dump a little of her bottle water on the windshield to help her get rid of the streaks. I did it the first time and she cleaned her windshield pretty good, but then she asked me to do it again. I was a bit confused but I did as she asked and then she tried FLINGING WATER ON ME -squeaks- Her and Brett were laughing so I ran back into the shelter of the back seat and gave them both properly stern glares xD
We got to the mall and goofed around a bit, but eventually Brett and I dropped by this new coffe shop and we got these iced mochas. I'm not wild about mocha in the first place but I thought I'd give it a try. It was horrible! Brett couldn't even drink it. SO we threw them away before they were even half finished and continued our journey. It was fun goofing off around the mall with him ^_^ I think I spent more time trying to kick his ass and keep my own covered than I did looking at stuff. But at least I had fun! I even spoiled him with Magic cards and a magazine ^.^ I love to give people stuff...it's a wierd compulsion of mine. Hey! You like that $1,000,000 rock on that shelf? Well here ya go! Ka-ching!
We eventually ended up at Best Buy where I was immediately enthralled by the concept that so many electronics could be piled in the same space. So I dashed from aisle to aisle with him patiently towing in behind me until I came upon the computer section. o.o -utter engrossment- Shiny things! Shiny things!
And now I have a brand new computer. -grin- I've wanted one for a while now, and since my Mother said it would be alright so long as I paid for it I just couldn't resist any longer. My Dad has yet to catch on...I dread the moment he figures it out ;_; He was completely against the suggestion I get me a new one. But it's the HP a720n model...coming to about $800/900 with a decent monthly payment. I may have to quit kickboxing...but I'm going to try and hold on to that class. Even if I do I'll join back in college with the kickboxing elective. I think the buying computer process bored Brett but he remained patient until the end ^_^ Compelled me to buy him more Magic cards when we went to Books A Million afterward.
Then we went home. I don't mean to make it sound so frivilous because indeed it wasn't...but my hands hurt. And I'm extremely tired. So I'mma gonna go -waves- Toodles!
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Strong
Date: Dec 30th, 2004 6:12:22 am - Subscribe
Mood: uncertain
munchinmunchies: Nothing
I think I'm better now...at least as good as you can be when something like that happens. I stayed awake last night instead of falling asleep and thought hard about what I should do. How I should act around him now that things have changed. The change of rules is odd to comprehend but I finally accepted that I just can't be selfish anymore. If he doesn't want me then there's nothing I can do about it and I'll just have to suck it up.
This solution is by far easier to think about that to actually do.
I started off the day pretty much bummed but managed to get through work (all 1.5 hours of it) and headed back home. My family had left for Jackson while I was gone so I was home alone, and after wandering through my house for a bit I decided that I should quit wasting time and at least get a shower. Basically I had a alot of time this morning to think. So I got out of the shower and immediately someone starts knocking at the door and after wrapping my head in a messy turban I answer it, expecting it to be anyone but him. But I'm normally wrong about things ^_^;; Brett and Baker have the wierdest timing ever. After feeling awkward for a second or two I let them in and they dragged in a collection of Magic cards, and after showing Baker the Dragonology book Marle gave me they played a few games.
At first I set a limit on just how friendly I was going to be with him...but my resolutions are about as strong as my luck with electronics. Weak. We messed around for a little while [which was when I really began crumbling] until my family returned and then went out for ice cream just before kick boxing (-genius-), but before we could leave Kortni pulled up. So she went, too ^_^ With about 10 minutes left before kick boxing we were still at the gas station goofing off so we decidedly to skip the class >_< I feel so bad! Then we went back to my house and Kortni and I watched Brett, Logan, and Baker all play Halo II. My resolution completely fell through a big frigging hole in the floor then. So I gave up trying to be on my best behavior and just acted like I used to. And I felt better after doing so.
It's times like these that I realize I'm completely, utterly pathetic. xD
So we'll see how tomorrow goes. I want to make everything alright for everyone, but first I have to sort my own problems. Still a long road...but after today I've upgraded my journey ahead with thoughts of an MP3 player to entertain me.
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So Sick. And Empty, too.
Date: Dec 29th, 2004 6:12:01 am - Subscribe
Mood: destroyed
munchinmunchies: Nothing.
...I'm so sick of almost loosing control. Of feeling like my heart has been ripped out of my chest just for the hell of someone being bored. He's gone again. Out of reach. But now that I think about it he probably was out of my reach the entire time.
The pain I feel inside is a mix of confusion and utter sadness. It's almost worse than when it was with James. Smiling feels like death...but I'd rather die than let him know the hole he's dug inside of me. I've got to hang on. If I don't then what else do I have other than my old tendencies of depression? It's not a matter of WHO I have to rely on. I have close friends who would do anything for me (of which I'm very grateful). Rather...it's what part of me can I depend on. Can I be strong enough?
I can't afford to hope. I have to make myself.
There's a long road ahead.
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'Bout Time
Date: Dec 27th, 2004 6:47:57 am - Subscribe
Mood: loving
munchinmunchies: Nothing
Feh! My Internet's been down for the past few days so I haven't had time to update. Otherwise I would have because I'm a loser like that. I finally went crazy today and complained to my Mom about being bored so we cleaned Logan's room while dancing around to her new Rod Stewart cd (wtf?). After we got done she offered to help me clean my room...but it's always clean. So she said something about rearranging it and I said that was impossible. My furniture is just stuck. BUT she insisted so we got to working >:)
So now my room is completely different! I worked 10 or so minutes on PSP 8 just making a diagram of it...but now I don't want to load it up. So I'm not. Trust me though -nods- It's different.
And at some point my Internet fixed itself when I rehooked the coards together. (Yes. My desk moved.) So now I can surf the net once more! Though I should be reading ^_^;;;;;
My Christmas went very well despite me not being able to drive and get out of the house a few days prior to that. I thought I was going to go crazy! It seems that went I have freedom I don't go anywhere, but when I'm trapped inside I feel cooped up and just want to go. But a few of my goodies have kept my mind at bay :3 Here are some of my faves:
Game Boy Advance SP
with Spyro, Spyro 2, and Donkey Kong Country 2
Tommogatchi! Connection
Sony Net MD MP3 Player (though I haven't used it yet)
Purple shoulder massager (yah! -swoon-)
Neopets [Gelert] Voice Activated Pet
Stinga the AquaPet
Victoria's Secret flannel/cotton pj set
5 pairs of jeans
Mulan SE DVD (watched 2x already xDD -loser)
DAWN OF THE DEAD DVD(!!!!!!!!!!)
That's not all of it of course, but those are the first things that pop into mind. I was very pleased and thankful for my parents by the end of the day. I got my Dad this bronze Marine bust and when he opened it he actually started crying -lip quiver- I HATE it when he starts crying because then I get all choked up and I start hiccuping xD But he loved it. He said he was going to search the house for a perfect place to put it and he hasn't quite found it yet. He wants it to fit in with the surroundings but also be very visible for him to look at 24/7. My Mom forgot I got her the FoM pillow -shakes her head- So she was happy with that and hasn't really put it down yet. Logan has gone crazy with the Magic cards I got him ^_^ He's already got decks built up. Brett's parents got me this really cool artbook with a new sketchpad and watercolor pencils but I haven't had a chance to try them out yet. I shall make a point to do so ASAP. He and Baker are coming over tomorrow to teach Logan, Derek, and I how to play Magic even though I've got it somewhat learned.
Oh! On Christmas morning after we got done unwrapping we (my Mom, Logan, and I) went into the kitchen to try out out new house shoes. She'd gotten us some that had these little heating gel packs that slid over the top to heat our feet and had massagers in the heel. We couldn't run the massager because it needed batteries...which we didn't have. She was kinda sad over that, but we reassured her that it was fine ^_^ So she popped his heating pack in the micro and we started chit chatting when I paused and told everyone to hush. This crackling noise was getting louder and louder, then I yelled something about the heat pack and then BOOM! xDDDDD It EXPLODED!!! She had read the directions and thought "2 seconds" was "2 minutes", and she thought that was too long she she put it in for a minute. The max was 10 seconds. So she not only forgot the batteries but she blew up his gel packs. But it was too hilarious for her to be sad about it.
And that is the genius of my family.
I better go now ^_^ Entry is getting kinda long and I don't want to take any chance of it getting deleted by my Internet going Kapoof. -waves- Toodles!
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Improve
Date: Dec 23rd, 2004 1:52:57 am - Subscribe
Mood: better
munchinmunchies: Chips and Ranch Dip x9
Hiya ^_^ Luckily (for most of us) my day was far better than it was yesterday. I woke early in plans to go to Jackson with Marle, but unfortunately the sleet stopped me at the front door. I gave her a call, got a shower, and assumed my proper place sitting my rumpus before the mighty computer. I was fooling around with the virus for a little while before I started doodling this magic card that I had saved on my favorites, and I happened to glance up and see a message blinking on my screen.
Twas the Bretticus. o__O He actually started a conversation.
He asked what I was doing and then said he was coming over, but since he couldn't use his truck he was just going to walk. -makes a braking noise- No no! Then he slyly said he was going on brb and to expect a phone call sometime, but after he was gone...oh about 30 MINUTES I figured he had just slipped off since I said I would come pick him up instead of him walking. Sure enough his Mom called and said that he insisted on walking to my house. So I coaxed my Mom into taking a road trip, and armed with a hot pack and my winter "gear" we went toward his house. Guess who we found making his dear sweet way along the road? xDD We picked him up and brought him to my house. However shortly after someone got stuck on the curb, so we all had to pile back outside and shove it out of the ditch. There were two people in there...one of them a large black man who did nothing to help us o.x We got them out and I ran all the way home because I WAS FREEZING!
After the epidemic we just hung out a little while, though I was disappointed because I knew that the plans for tonight's part had been cancelled. There was no way my family was going to let me out tonight. But maybe tomorrow will be different since it won't be sleeting ^_^
So all in all it was a nice day. His Dad picked him up at around 5 which was much earlier than I'm used to, but I'm hoping we can hang out tomorrow as well. We didn't talk about Kendra or what happened (we have yet to discuss that much) but I didn't want to chance ruining the calmness. I'm just grateful that things really haven't seemed to change between us ^.^ Toodles! -kicks Marle and takes her gd phrase back- xD
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