82poptarts's Blog

So Sick. And Empty, too.
Date: Dec 29th, 2004 6:12:01 am - Subscribe
Mood: destroyed
munchinmunchies: Nothing.

...I'm so sick of almost loosing control. Of feeling like my heart has been ripped out of my chest just for the hell of someone being bored. He's gone again. Out of reach. But now that I think about it he probably was out of my reach the entire time.

The pain I feel inside is a mix of confusion and utter sadness. It's almost worse than when it was with James. Smiling feels like death...but I'd rather die than let him know the hole he's dug inside of me. I've got to hang on. If I don't then what else do I have other than my old tendencies of depression? It's not a matter of WHO I have to rely on. I have close friends who would do anything for me (of which I'm very grateful). Rather...it's what part of me can I depend on. Can I be strong enough?

I can't afford to hope. I have to make myself.

There's a long road ahead.
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