82poptarts's Blog

Strong
Date: Dec 30th, 2004 6:12:22 am - Subscribe
Mood: uncertain
munchinmunchies: Nothing

I think I'm better now...at least as good as you can be when something like that happens. I stayed awake last night instead of falling asleep and thought hard about what I should do. How I should act around him now that things have changed. The change of rules is odd to comprehend but I finally accepted that I just can't be selfish anymore. If he doesn't want me then there's nothing I can do about it and I'll just have to suck it up.

This solution is by far easier to think about that to actually do.

I started off the day pretty much bummed but managed to get through work (all 1.5 hours of it) and headed back home. My family had left for Jackson while I was gone so I was home alone, and after wandering through my house for a bit I decided that I should quit wasting time and at least get a shower. Basically I had a alot of time this morning to think. So I got out of the shower and immediately someone starts knocking at the door and after wrapping my head in a messy turban I answer it, expecting it to be anyone but him. But I'm normally wrong about things ^_^;; Brett and Baker have the wierdest timing ever. After feeling awkward for a second or two I let them in and they dragged in a collection of Magic cards, and after showing Baker the Dragonology book Marle gave me they played a few games.

At first I set a limit on just how friendly I was going to be with him...but my resolutions are about as strong as my luck with electronics. Weak. We messed around for a little while [which was when I really began crumbling] until my family returned and then went out for ice cream just before kick boxing (-genius-), but before we could leave Kortni pulled up. So she went, too ^_^ With about 10 minutes left before kick boxing we were still at the gas station goofing off so we decidedly to skip the class >_< I feel so bad! Then we went back to my house and Kortni and I watched Brett, Logan, and Baker all play Halo II. My resolution completely fell through a big frigging hole in the floor then. So I gave up trying to be on my best behavior and just acted like I used to. And I felt better after doing so.

It's times like these that I realize I'm completely, utterly pathetic. xD

So we'll see how tomorrow goes. I want to make everything alright for everyone, but first I have to sort my own problems. Still a long road...but after today I've upgraded my journey ahead with thoughts of an MP3 player to entertain me.
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