Tuesday - Science.
Date: Jul 10th, 2007 10:51:42 am - Subscribe
Mood: Cynical
Musical Description Of My Brain: Milk - Kings of Leon
Strength.
And so much air.
Blah blah blah, breath, blah blah blah.
Talking.
Work out your options.
Explain what you think.
Walk away happy.
Well what the fuck was it all worth?
Did anything mean anything?
Did every heavy breath,
Every hushed scream
Every moment of passion and heat,
Mean anything?
Was it all just glorified sex?
Once again the mind is used against its self to follow its instincts.
Breed breed breed.
Call it what you want,
Love, fucking, sex.
Its all a part of a primal instinct.
Its all a lie.
Love is just a chemical reaction.
Hate is no worse, no better.
My mind is weak.
Love reeks of pain.
Reeks of anger.
Reeks of jealous.
And it’s the one part of me that remains optimistic constantly.
Always remembering the happier times.
Primal instincts.
One purpose.
Breed.
Everything else is just to confuse the monkeys.
In Aeternum,
Pura
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Saturday - This is the only way
Date: Jul 7th, 2007 6:20:39 am - Subscribe
Mood: Strong
Musical Description Of My Brain: "Alt.end" - The Cure
Cold or wise-ing up?
I can’t decide which of these I am. But I’m tying up loose ends. And I haven’t regretted a word I’ve said so far.
My ex-girlfriend is out of my life, it might be harsh, and the words I said it in. But I don’t need to justify my actions. She had it a long time coming and maybe she’ll realise she can’t be everyone’s friend, she’s not always the good guy, she hurts people, she’s no angel I’ve ever seen.
My ex-friend is out of my life. He fucked me over once, I forgave him, I grew, I thought he would to. But he didn’t. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
I’ll build my own fucking wall.
This is my life and I refuse to waste it on human garbage.
I want to create; the only way to start creation is to give it a catalyst.
I had to destroy to start a revolution of my own.
I saw no harm in cutting the strings of the past.
I regret nothing.
Maybe I’m evil, maybe I’m dark. But I trust myself now. There is no guilt, its hard to give up on something, but its all for the greater good that is me.
We all know humans only ever seek comfort, for themselves. It comes in different forms. Sometimes it looks like they care about the others, but sometimes that is the only way to win. Recruit people to your own cause. Maybe having a group behind you will bring you comfort, but babes, it will never keep you warm at night.
We’re all lost, we’re all scared.
If we weren’t we wouldn’t be searching.
Live on the edge, live in chaos. It’s the only way to find an answer.
Go cold. Emotions seem to get in the way.
Maybe they are the only form of enlightenment we’ll ever use, because they can make us comfortable. Are emotions a part of our soul?
Or are they a disease in every humans mind to sway our souls?
Because our soul is all that is pure. The rest of the human, the charted parts are only to keep us from being gods.
Burning bright.
In Aeternum,
Pura
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Friday - Reasons to be scared.
Date: Jul 6th, 2007 9:52:38 am - Subscribe
Mood: Used
Musical Description Of My Brain: "Stain" - Nirvana
Fuck you.
Fuck you all.
I fucking hate you all.
I hope you all fucking die.
I hope the world you live in rapes you.
I hope you die painfully.
I can’t fucking stand you.
You don’t deserve life.
Or maybe you do.
Fuck you.
I had good reason to be scared of my friends.
But I didn’t run.
“Well he never bleeds and he never fucks
And he never leaves 'cause he's got bad luck.
Well he never reads and he never draws.
And he never sleeps 'cause he's got bad luck, yeah
I'm a stain, I'm a stain, I'm a stain, I'm a stain
Ugh....
Well he never bleeds and he never fucks
And he never leaves 'cause he's got bad luck.
Well he never reads and he never draws.
And he never sleeps 'cause he's got bad luck, yeah
I'm a stain, I'm a stain, I'm a stain, I'm a stain
Ugh....
I'm a stain, I'm a stain, I'm a stain, I'm a stain
Ugh....
Well he never bleeds and he never fucks
And he never leaves 'cause he's got bad luck.
Well he never reads and he never draws.
And he never sleeps 'cause he's got bad luck, yeah
I’m a stain”
-Nirvana (stain)
He never leaves, ‘cause he’s got bad luck.
Can’t stand this world.
I learn to love. I learn to live.
I stare at the sea of life.
I see a crab at my feet.
Shrug it away and it bites me the moment I smile.
Game over.
All I ever wanted was some fun, something to fill in time til I died.
Then it got too real. 9 lives left and I can’t beat a level.
I try and the lives countdown, but I’m just getting aggravated, I’m just feeling more and more worthless.
Game over, friends. I wish it would end. I want it to end.
I want a blackout, and start again.
“Hold your breath, count to 10, fall apart then start again” "Placebo
I need that buzz as the power comes back to full.
Because all I want is to rip the power cord from the back of the console and hang myself with it.
This world is too cruel.
When I make myself into everything I want and stand at the top of a ladder somebody inevitably knocks me to the ground and laughs and then expects me to apologise to them.
I get happy. Someone makes me sad.
But someone does make me happy.
I have fun with people I hate.
Sis once said there is a difference between dark and bad and evil.
And I was dark.
I’ve always been dark.
But I want to be evil.
I’d rather have a reason to apologise.
I want to be stubborn.
I want to burn souls.
I want to kill love.
I want to breath smoke.
I want to be your vampire.
I want to suck the life out of purity.
And spit it in the gravel where it rots and they die.
No one deserves life.
Or maybe they do.
Maybe my only freedom will be in death.
I’d rather be burning in hell to repent my sins then burning on Earth for other peoples faults.
I hate you all.
“I hate myself and I want to die” -Nirvana
In Aeternum,
Pura
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Thursday - I'm Scared Of My Friends.
Date: Jun 28th, 2007 10:10:41 am - Subscribe
Mood: N/A
Musical Description Of My Brain: N/A
Argh!
I feel so. Imperfect.
So redundant.
I’m sick of being in love with the past.
And the worst thing is, it’s a temperamental feelings.
It sneaks up and claws at me.
Absence from reality.
School is no reality.
But it’s my only real reality at the moment.
It’s so hard to escape.
Not long now and life begins.
And a long time coming.
I feel like an adult, a young adult.
The only reason these things get to me is because I’m submitted to them day after day.
And it really is a big ask for me to forget it all, when it sits in front of me every day.
Just a short post.
In Aeternum,
Pura
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Tuesday - Happy Day. Happy People.
Date: Jun 26th, 2007 11:29:21 am - Subscribe
Mood: Weight lifted from my shoulders
Musical Description Of My Brain: Let's Go To Bed - The Cure
It’s amazing when you find someone.
Someone who has so much in common with you that you just want to hug them.
Someone who has a part of your past, someone you can advise when they need it.
And they thank you for it.
And it makes it seem all worth it, to go through that pain, to benefit another.
What’s even better is when you think you might fall in love and you think they might feel the same way.
Not to give your hopes up. But there’s that chance and its bubbly and fluffy.
And you don’t really care wether or not it happens. It doesn’t matter.
I found someone like that, someone I talked to a little when I was 14-15.
Only a few years later, but it feels like a lifetime.
You see the good part of your past loves all combined with more.
It’s nice. The only problem is the distance, only a few hours. But it’s so far at this age.
I’m sorry to rant and rave. But, I found the nicest girl in a long time.
She sends me messages, msn, hotmail, phone.
To tell me that she’s thinking about me, and then we laugh and converse.
With only one problem, she’s in a dying relationship.
Dying the same death as my last.
But why can’t I still like her, there is no reason really. I only know her, not him, he makes her unhappy.
But it’s a man law, don’t hit on taken girls.
So I don’t, but I love her all the same, she makes me happy.
I’m so excited, relationship or friendship. It’s still brilliant.
A good change, remove ones self from a small town of dirt and look at the gold I’ve found outside.
Ah… Its good.
……………………………………………………
That’s all I have to say really.
Thought I’d write it down, scribble it.
Because its word worthy.
School life has been uneventful, the social side that is.
Thank god. For I don’t believe I could go back to it.
I don’t hate everyone, I just dislike what the majority of them stand for.
I dislike the awkward conversations, I dislike the inept disputes.
I’m just tired of it. I go to school to learn now.
The Cure will be the last band I go through a phase of in high school. It’s a good feeling.
I mean think about it.
I went into school, Year 7, Van Halen and eminem.
Year 8, Dashboard confessional, Bloodhound gang and Gorillaz.
Year 9 Linkin Park, NIN, Slipknot and SOAD.
Year 10 NIN, Tool, The Used, White Stripes, Modest Mouse, Cradle of filth, Marilyn Manson, Hendrix, R.E.M. & Lior
Year 11 NIN, Tool, Jeff Buckley, Modest Mouse, Clint Mansell, A Perfect Circle, Leonard Cohen, The Mars Volta, Mr. Bungle & Radiohead
Year 12 Ben Harper, Gnarls Barkley, Jeff Buckley, NIN, TOOL, Sia, Bloc Party, Smashing Pumpkins, The Cure
That’s a very short list. But… I can probably pin point when things started going wrong for me, but, things are slowly heading to the positive again. The Cure will be my band for this last term of survival.
Then a year off.
I’m excited.
Very excited.
He. Is dead to me. She, scares me.
But it doesn’t bother me as much as before. Hey I can get rid of the people I don’t want soon.
I’m pumped for life. Pumped for people. Pumped for love. Pumped for happiness.
All I’ve got to do is stand on the starting block and wait for the gun to go off.
In Aeternum,
Pura
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