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This will be a collection of notes I have written on various subjects for the past year. As I moved around, I typed them in my phone. I am merely giving them a second existence.
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There is this feeling--a summer feeling that is bittersweet. It is something that leaves you dry with yearning to posses what you can't. Summer takes people on a ride of their own. Summer, in all its brilliance, only pushes you to live in the only way you know how. People go on their own ways, and sometimes when you want them to stop and stick with you, you'll realize that it is a selfish thing to ask of someone. A line from a book I read a year ago: "I didn't want her to be happy without me." O_o wow. |
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Some notes I made on my trip to Bohol: I arrived in Tagbilaran City. The airport was a gray strip against plush green vegetation, a startling contrast. As the van sped through the city, i saw how people lived small lives. How laidback it all looked like. They had their little share of city life enough to put them in tune with modern day technology. Other than that, I got the impression that the people were content. The only grand structure I found was the city's cathedral named, Baclayon. It was imposing and beautifully adorned. I believed them when they said that they did not have a lot of depressed areas compared to Manila. After settling in my little bungalow: Watching the sun set over Bohol, I am suddenly aware of how all the shit that happened to me before seems like a lifetime ago. I've almost forgotten the reasons for why I've done some things in the past. I'm in the process of forgetting..And I guess I've lost all ill feelings towards some people. Heh. I can hear Sir Brian's voice echoing in my brain, how nothing ever lasts. You can swear your whole being to the heavens and still the memory of you will fade away. So after spending five days in Bohol, I found myself waiting in line as passengers began to board the plane, all the while listening to two girls singing "Leaving on a Jetplane". Then I walked across the tarmac feeling utterly invincible. It wasn't the song, the football match on tv or the eyegasmic colors of the sunset. It was the sight of the white airplane on hard grey tarmac slapped in the middle of the province that got me high. The plane was going from "one world to the next". I was about to fly and nothing felt better. I lived another life at that moment. Every step, a stairway to eternity. That's how it felt. |
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I escaped to the hills of Tagaytay on a gloomy rainy Monday: The skies were dark and the wind was howling in my ear. Raindrops rested on my lashes but I was oblivious to all this. There was a song in my head, and only one line from the song kept repeating itself - "for you I'll bleed myself dry.." I felt way past that shady feeling. I dismissed it as an echo of the forgotten. |
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The Book of Revelation talks about the destruction (and salvation) of humankind and the coming of Christ. After the rapture and the arrival of the Four Horsemen (etc.) A new heaven and a new earth will be born. I envisoned this new heaven: I saw myself standing at the shore of a new world, where both heaven and earth are one. The sea was new and the air was new. And all around me were shards of colored glass - a whisper of the old world. Inside each colored shard were the most beautifully colored butterflies I have ever seen. They were flapping their wings of new colors, of new life. I couldn't see anything beyond that. And no, I was not high.
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