Archives: May 2006, June 2006, July 2006, August 2006, September 2006, October 2006, December 2006, January 2007
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Rafiqi What did I do? - Subscribe
"Words help bring out the hurt that keeps festering inside. If not used, it turns gangrenous and dangerous." --From "the queen of dreams"

I have not seen flesh nor hide of any of my Atenean friends for a long time. One of them even joked that I was prolly dead. Well, they're living their own lives. And I with mine. (I'm doing pretty okay, mind you) But whoa...the distance between my friends and I have grown so much. It leaves me speechless. I am missing out on a lot of things and I guess they don't invite me out that much anymore because they figured that I don't go anyway.

Okay, now THAT is my fault. I own up to that...

...but what hurts me is that people tell me how well I'm doing without them. They tell me how great it is for them to see me smile more often and all..and in a way, they're right.

But it still hurts and I don't know what to do.
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Mood: minced meat

rafiqi September 6 - Subscribe
Oh what an eventful day it was! And it all started once I set foot out of the house!

First of all, it was Pickles' birthday. I dragged my good friend, Lek, to Town in search for the perfect gift. It felt quite weird shopping for her. She had changed so much since last year. I had to look for something loud and sexy. But that got me all iffy so I chose to shop for accessories instead.

After buying the gifts, Lek and I proceeded to Friday's where we talked about..Life. In general. I learned a lot from that girl. In the span of 2 hours, we pondered, debated and interrogated each other. It came down to this realization, that Happiness IS a choice. You can choose to dwell on your problems and become totally miserable, or choose to react differently. "Besides," she told me, "you are doing so much better since senior year. you're glowin!" [Since our term break started, we have been the cheesiest bunch of weirdos on the planet]

So I have resolved to (in the coming days) to be happier and to not let the tiniest things bother me. I, of course, did not expect Life to test me within minutes of our time in Friday's.

In the cinema area, I bumped into a friend (who long ago broke my heart) and he was telling me about his new girl and being all chummy with me. It was fun, and it didn't bother me much. Next, I bumped into the boy who screwed up. He was walking around with his new girl (my friend) and wow...that was the kicker. It was alright, I guess. I didn't let that get to me.

Lek was laughing the entire time. What more could happen?? We (Pao, Lek and I) drove to Pickle's place and dropped her present. I had to chase the car since my friends drove away...T_T

We were making bets. Lek was so sure the day wasn't over yet. Pao said nothing happens in twos, but threes. Someone else was bound to suprise me. From Pickle's house to mine, we were laughing and singing along to stupid songs. I was all good! I got home, happy that the day was finally over and that I won the bet.

Damn, was I so wrong..

He came by my place. The boy-who-really-screwed-up-but-is-making-the-effort -to-change. He gave me a caricature of myself and I was reduced to laughter. Attached to the caricature was a note: "Just wanted to make you smile..."

And that's how I lost the bet. happy.gif
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Mood: overwhelmed
Eargasm: Dancing when the stars go blue

rafiqi wishing for cookies.. - Subscribe
Yesterday was a long and tiring Wednesday. I started my day at 7am and ended at 6:30 pm. College sure is fun..in a weird way.

It became stormy towards the end of the day, and I had to seek shelter in the EGI building before heading off to PE class. I was with Anne, who was cuddling with her boyfriend next to me. So I preoccupied myself with the rain. I stared and stared at it... yeah, boredom.

My thoughts drifted to the countless raindrops that came splashing down on roofs, pavements and people's heads. I wondered if these are the same raindrops that came down in the year 1649. What was a rainy day like, say, in England, in the year 1649? I imagined dark, rainy days, light drizzles...I thought of what people were doing on a rainy day in 1649..One could be at home, writing letters to a loved one, another could be frantically grabbing the laundry left outside to dry and another could be facing a crowd of hundreds as they come to watch his execution. For some reason, it fascinated me.

I gave myself random dates and thought of what it would be like on a rainy day..It would definitely be different. On a rainy day like yesterday, people were just running for shelter and others were talking and smoking.

here's something i'd like to share with everyone:

The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything at
the same time, the ones who never yawn or
say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn,
burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles
exploding like spiders across the stars...


- Jack Kerouac
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Mood: cookies
Eargasm: Clocks

rafiqi Hanging on to the Happy Days - Subscribe
Of course this Happy Streak wouldn't last. I had a feeling I wouldn't spend forever skipping and humming to a catchy tune. The days where everything to me was a beautiful burst of color are slowly fading away. But hell, I'm still smiling. It'll come back, I hope.

I'm not a big fan of sad songs. At least not anymore, but try and listen to The Fray's Fall Away I'm sure you won't feel exactly the same way I do now, but hell, its a nice song. happy.gif This may sound so cliche, queso even, but I've fallen away from the past. I almost forgot about it all, but its still following me. heh.

wish me a better tomorrow. happy.gif

goodnight!
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Mood: i feel purple..
Eargasm: fall away - the fray