Date: Apr 25th, 2005 8:47:58 am - Subscribe
Mood: emotional


I don't feel good.. about any of this. I don't feel right.. I feel like I did something wrong but I don't know what. I feel guilty for something that I have no clue what it is. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach, a feeling of disgust. I almost want to make myself throw up to see if I'll feel better. This feeling isn't going to get me anywhere. There's nothing I can do to make it go away. I know what's right and what's wrong in this situation and to make a descision(sp?) that's been lingering around in my mind for days would be completely wrong.

I have to go to work....
Leave Some Love: (1)

What\'s this?
Date: Apr 14th, 2005 11:47:37 pm - Subscribe
Mood: unimportant

I hate to say it.. but I am officially jealous. I don't know what to do, it's getting the best of me. I've been trying my hardest to hold it in and hide it.. not let you know about it. The last thing I want to do is cause friction between us and possibly do some damage to our relationship. I just can't stand it.. I can't stand this. It's taken over me completely. Driving down the road today all I could think about was you.. and her. It made me feel sick to my stomach. It made me want to cry. A calm silence came across me in the midst of my favorite song. Something's definitly not right. It's probably just me. With all that's going around inside of my head lately.. my emotions are getting tangled into one huge heaping pile of disaster. Nothing but pure disaster, no pun intended.
I can't even begin to explain the way I'm feeling right now. It's like my emotions have been hit by a tornado. I'm anxious, but why? My palms are constantly sweaty. My anxiety is always high when I'm like this. Something's not right.. but what. Why can't I just get over it. You're just friends, right? Things just feel so different. I miss how we were when we were just friends. I miss how we acted.. when we were mean to each other in a playful way. Before all of this love got mixed in with everything. I'm not saying I don't like loving you.. I love it. I just miss how we were before. I see how you are with your other friends and I miss it so much. So much I feel my stomach sinking as my heart lowers itself through the cages of my ribs. Just friends, right?.. right. For some reason I sense that there's a lot more going on than just a friendship but it's hidden. Taboo. No one can say a word. I'm paranoid.

Is this forever? or just never.
Leave Some Love: (1)

Dearest lover;
Date: Apr 13th, 2005 12:24:48 am - Subscribe
Mood: zesty
Current amout of love flowing through my veins: 10+ so very in love

gee, I love you. I'm so happy to have you in my life. I know things may be rough right now and I may seem a bit distant.. please don't let that get to you sweetie. I'm really stressed out and I don't want to end up taking anything out on you. You are the love of my life, my reason for living. I love you so much.

And SHELBY does too. wink.gif
Leave Some Love: (2)

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