What's this?
Date: Apr 15th, 2005 4:47:37 am - Subscribe
Mood: unimportant
I hate to say it.. but I am officially jealous. I don't know what to do, it's getting the best of me. I've been trying my hardest to hold it in and hide it.. not let you know about it. The last thing I want to do is cause friction between us and possibly do some damage to our relationship. I just can't stand it.. I can't stand this. It's taken over me completely. Driving down the road today all I could think about was you.. and her. It made me feel sick to my stomach. It made me want to cry. A calm silence came across me in the midst of my favorite song. Something's definitly not right. It's probably just me. With all that's going around inside of my head lately.. my emotions are getting tangled into one huge heaping pile of disaster. Nothing but pure disaster, no pun intended.
I can't even begin to explain the way I'm feeling right now. It's like my emotions have been hit by a tornado. I'm anxious, but why? My palms are constantly sweaty. My anxiety is always high when I'm like this. Something's not right.. but what. Why can't I just get over it. You're just friends, right? Things just feel so different. I miss how we were when we were just friends. I miss how we acted.. when we were mean to each other in a playful way. Before all of this love got mixed in with everything. I'm not saying I don't like loving you.. I love it. I just miss how we were before. I see how you are with your other friends and I miss it so much. So much I feel my stomach sinking as my heart lowers itself through the cages of my ribs. Just friends, right?.. right. For some reason I sense that there's a lot more going on than just a friendship but it's hidden. Taboo. No one can say a word. I'm paranoid.
Is this forever? or just never.
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koyako - April 16th, 2005 |
