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so i had a long conversation with my friend today about her relationship issues. she had been struggling with this guy for awhile, it just wasn't working. she described her problem to be 'two people talking at once, and only one hearing' it never ceases to amaze me that people don't seek to establish clearly defined structure. many people struggle with communication issues yet don't know why. i asked her about the bottom line - who makes the majority of the decisions? after thought, she admitted that it was her. she knew where i was going. i remember the intense conflict in myself as i dated for years and years without purpose. i had many things to offer someone, had success, was intelligent, decent looking - but consistently saw dating as a failure. it seemed every relationship was littered with communication problems, bickering, and mostly unwanted, unfortunate fights. as i spoke with my friend, i remembered a night when it stuck me, when i really saw myself. i was about 6 months deep into a relationship that i'd say was shaky at best. she liked me, sure - but it wasn't gelling. we threw a small party for about 20 friends, nothing fancy. i recall being angry that night over something, and it spilled into the party. i didn't enjoy being out of the loop, and it seemed that she was just fine with me being so. but as i laid back, away from the action that night - i questioned my own feelings. i saw this beautiful woman, entertaining, speaking freely and openly, keeping the party running through her. she had tremendous natural energy and power. why wasn't i celebrating this? the night passed, and in the following weeks i became more subservient to her. i didn't argue with her, i went out of my way to see that she was happy. in general, she was happy to see my enthusiasm for her. this was however, a marked departure. as time passed, she got more comfortable telling me what she needed, and what she wanted from me. our relationship had exploded beyond where it was. late one night, she asked me why i had changed. why i was being so good to her? my response was simple. i struggled with maintaing an image of who i thought women were looking for. i always felt that way about her, just never knew how to express it. i told her that i realized she was better suited to lead our relationship. that was the first time i ever said out loud the words, " i want to serve you." i'd like to lie and tell you that she was totally receptive to what i was saying. she wasn't. it took much more time to break down walls, for her to allow herself to think outside of what society had taught her. as i clicked back into reality and the phone resting on my shoulder, i sensed my friend was at a similar crossroads. i didn't do much except be there for her. she will decide what course is best for her, and im sure it will work out. but before we hung up, i told her that no matter what happened - she deserved someone who would treat her like a Goddess. |
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i once answered the question, "how do you know if she's right for you" with "when i don't feel the need to wait to enter the bathroom after she's just come out after a shit." yeah - i'm different but so what? i buy american and eat organic. i like police officers and small animals. i've been sick and well, and mostly i've just been me. i've never said no to trying to see life as it really is - in all forms. i have friends of all colors and sizes - although i've never met a midget. i accept people for who they are. without beauty and ugliness, i wouldn't know who was really in there. i like plucking my eyebrows excessively - i think i like the symmetry. i like women who talk about their periods in detail - like they're telling a story. the flower man knows me very well. i'd rather do nothing than give someone a red rose. i like feet, but if they're totally clean, i don't. talking is the real language of love. power is accepting fear. the material world is irrelevant. i can't stand the smell of marijuana. embarassment is an enema with 3 women holding your legs up. joy is seeing one totally random, goofy smile - when someone doesn't know they're being watched. the question still remains...so what? everyone has a list like this. the only thing matters is being okay with it. |
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there is a small shopping complex that houses about 7 stores adjacent to where i live. after ripping through the fridge, i hopped to the car and took off for 7/11. as usual, it was a ghost town outside. i roll out, and toss my usual nod to the row of stores along the road. in the dark, my eye caught up to a man standing along one of the business windows. i squinted to see him in the faint security lighting of the parking area. he held a a faint tool in his hand that he was wielding like a sword. i leaned over, slowing. i think to myself...is this place about to be robbed? i had barely finished that thought when he came out into a well lit section. this mother fucker was washing windows. at MIDNIGHT. minutes of deep confusion came over me. i entered 7/11 and 3 people deep on the line - it still made no sense. but i won 10 dollars on a lottery ticket. i've torn back into my somerset maugham short story collections. these are priceless works. his observations of character through virtual strangers are fantastic and absorbing. really, nudists need to be stopped. these people scare me, deeply. i understand that the feeling of being without clothes is supposed to be liberating and return many to a childlike happiness. well, i get the same experience from mushrooms. let me highlight the ways in which my method is better. 1> mushrooms don't get you and your privates burnt to a crisp from the sun. 2> some people don't like the fucking beach. if you're a nudist - that's your only choice - to be at the beach. 3> sand gets inside the vagina. see above about beach. 4> why do i have to do the congo line if i'm naked? i have NEVER once done the congo line for FUN. 5> ever wondered why beach volleyball is in every single nudist picture? here's a clue - breasts bounce. nudists - stop the lying, its about sex too. 6> mushrooms don't include pedophiles peeping everyone's kids from over the sand dune. 7> sorry, still don't want to see an 80 year old man's penis. i know i won't notice. oh wait, yes i will. BUT - let me be fair. i have thought of one reason to be a nudist...and this relates to being earth friendly. 1> no reason to slaughter trees for toilet paper when the beach is a gigantic kitty litterbox. |