kermie's words

female-led
Date: Jul 21st, 2005 7:09:59 pm - Subscribe


so i had a long conversation with my friend today about her relationship issues. she had been struggling with this guy for awhile, it just wasn't working. she described her problem to be 'two people talking at once, and only one hearing'

it never ceases to amaze me that people don't seek to establish clearly defined structure. many people struggle with communication issues yet don't know why. i asked her about the bottom line - who makes the majority of the decisions? after thought, she admitted that it was her. she knew where i was going. i remember the intense conflict in myself as i dated for years and years without purpose. i had many things to offer someone, had success, was intelligent, decent looking - but consistently saw dating as a failure. it seemed every relationship was littered with communication problems, bickering, and mostly unwanted, unfortunate fights.

as i spoke with my friend, i remembered a night when it stuck me, when i really saw myself. i was about 6 months deep into a relationship that i'd say was shaky at best. she liked me, sure - but it wasn't gelling. we threw a small party for about 20 friends, nothing fancy. i recall being angry that night over something, and it spilled into the party.
i didn't enjoy being out of the loop, and it seemed that she was just fine with me being so. but as i laid back, away from the action that night - i questioned my own feelings. i saw this beautiful woman, entertaining, speaking freely and openly, keeping the party running through her. she had tremendous natural energy and power. why wasn't i celebrating this?

the night passed, and in the following weeks i became more subservient to her. i didn't argue with her, i went out of my way to see that she was happy. in general, she was happy to see my enthusiasm for her. this was however, a marked departure. as time passed, she got more comfortable telling me what she needed, and what she wanted from me. our relationship had exploded beyond where it was.

late one night, she asked me why i had changed. why i was being so good to her?
my response was simple. i struggled with maintaing an image of who i thought women were looking for. i always felt that way about her, just never knew how to express it. i told her that i realized she was better suited to lead our relationship. that was the first time i ever said out loud the words, " i want to serve you."

i'd like to lie and tell you that she was totally receptive to what i was saying. she wasn't. it took much more time to break down walls, for her to allow herself to think outside of what society had taught her. as i clicked back into reality and the phone resting on my shoulder, i sensed my friend was at a similar crossroads. i didn't do much except be there for her. she will decide what course is best for her, and im sure it will work out.

but before we hung up, i told her that no matter what happened - she deserved someone who would treat her like a Goddess.
Comments: (3)

perfect110 - July 21st, 2005 wow- i think that was great advice and it seems like you've learned a lot through your past relationships. I think the guy needs to be the leader in the relationship- if it's the other way around, i don't think it works very well. i hope your friend works everything out- perfect~

_kermie_ - July 21st, 2005 thanks for your comments...out of curiousity, why do you think the guy needs to lead?

anonymous - July 22nd, 2005 when a man truly loves a woman he rarely leads.

Sorry anonymous, this user does not allow double comments to be posted.