|
i gots a boo-boo. pretty damn nasty and painful boo-boo at that. >.< remind me why i put up with my parents? oh yeah.. they had to put up with me for the past [near] 18 years. haha. sucks to be them.  i haven't been able to hang out with marty much in the past few days ever since i started work because whenever he's free, i'm working and vice versa except he's busy with his friends, hanging out for as long as they can until he has to go to boston.  i wish i could upload a picture of my gash. for some morbid reason, it keeps fascinating me. O.o ahh the wonders of the human body. 
|
|
|
|
wow.. it's really trippin` me out how the automatic mood selection is always set to how i'm feeling. O.O scary. went to church today but i went to the adults service b.c i wasn't sure if monica was going to be there or not and i didn't really feel like looking like a loner today. so i ended up reading the bible during the preacher's service cuz i have no idea what the hell he was saying. O.o went to the shop afterwards but i didn't work. it's my day off and i didn't feel like spending it at home all alone since marty was going to be gone all afternoon hanging out with his friends doing motocross up in the mountains.  we're taking my sister, his brother and some of his brother's friends out to watch 'shrek 2' tonight. so i guess it's more of a "sibling outing" rather than a date but i don't mind. but none of the those lil boys better diss my sister in anyway. >T have fun at your retreat monica! and don't force yourself to be happy. that's no way being optimistic if you're forcing yourself to feel what you don't want to feel. :] |
|
|
|
if you're a heart without a home a rebel without a cause if you feel as though you're always stranded on the shore like a thief in the night let me steal your heart away baby if for reasons what you're looking for i'll be yours i'll be yours he met my parents today.  how scary. i was at barnes and noble with my sister and we came back when the store was about to close and i see him standing at the back door talking to my mom. O.O yes i was petrified but they were both laughing so i figured that they were laughing about me. -.- sure enough they were. -___-;; HOPEFULLY he left a good impression on my dad since my dad's so prejudiced against whites because of all the bad experiences that he's had with the cheapass, rude, inconsiderate and flat out BITCHY pple that are always quick to take advantage of my parents' lack of vast english knowledge and capabilites. damn bastards. they're not going to get away with that since i'm working there now. >:] as much as i disagree and don't get along with my parents, no one can treat my parents in such a condescending manner not if i can help it. they're my parents and i'm gonna be fighting for them 150%. yeah! PIETEENG! ^-^v going to church tomorrow but i'm going to attend the adults service instead of the teen/young adult one since i don't like 99.99% of all the kids that go there except for my monkerz. :]] then i'm off to go see shrek2 with my sister. monica! you wanna come? :]] well off to take a shower and go read. peas out yo! x] |
|
|
|
i was supposed to work today but my mom had to leave early or something and so i missed my workday. upps. i like saying "upps" better than "oops" everytime someone says "oops" i start thinking about that britney song. bah. well i started calling all my friends in hope that one of them would be free thus giving me something to do. but everyone was working or busy doing something else that wasn't fun so i hung up after the last call all bummed out. then HE calls and he wanted to see if wanted to go with him to the 'taste of tacoma' and i LIED to my mom saying that i was going to go to that one science museum in downtown seattle. upppps. >:] man i'm so STUFFED! everything was so freaking good down there. MAN OH MAN. i think there's a 'taste of seattle' thing who wants to come with me if there is one? FREE YUMMY FOOD! c'mon! piggie pride! ^-^v i remember there was one when i was i think a sophomore or junior but i couldn't go because i didn't have a ride. which was disappointing because soluna was performing. boo. T.Twell anyway we left tacoma at around five i think? and i'm at his house right now updating this thing while watching spiderman 1. WHOA. i can't wait until the second installment comes out on wednesday! it's the MUST-SEE movie of the summer! A MUST. MONICA! do you want to come with me to BFD '04? [concert] it's in auburn. we can get directions off mapquest! :]] performers: christina milian . jojo . jessica simpson . ashlee simpson . mis-teeq . ryan cabrera . bowling for soup and i think someone else.. maybe not? O.o july 24th. think about it okay? :]] marty might come too [he doesn't really like pop music hehe ^-^] but if he does, it'll be a perfect chance to meet him! but if he doesn't, then you can see me singing along and acting like an idiot! xD a love there is no cure for. that's what i have.. so badly. |
|
|
|
haha how funny. i log in and the 'select a mood' thing is already set on 'working' lol. what are the odds? :] today was my first day of work. surprisingly it wasn't all that bad. just really boring. but cutting keys are fun. x] marty came by to visit me while i was at work but i'm absolutely PETRIFIED of my parents meeting him. luckily i saw him a couple of feet away so i ran out saying that i had to go use the bathroom and chased him off before my parents saw. FINALLY got to pick up my diploma today. wow i feel so accomplished. it's truly a huge milestone in my life and i'm grateful that God helped me throughout the 4 years of high school and made it so pleasant and exciting for me. :] there's so many cds i need to buy! forget buying crystal and bob grad presents. i'm going to be selfish and waste all the money on myself since crystal didn't have enough consideration to even ask me if i wanted to go with her to pick up our damn diplomas NOR to call and ask me if i wanted to go see shrek2 with her and instead went off without me when she knows i'm dying to see it. PUH. i was thinking about inviting her and bob along when marty and i go to see white chicks and dodgeball but forget it. she doesn't have to meet him. *brilliant idea!* MONICA! we should get together sometime and you can meet him!! x]] lol but that's if you want to. and that's if he wants to. haha but it should be fun but it's cool if you don't want to. he's a bit of a beastie. hehe just kidding. I LOVE YOU MONICA! you keep me sane. truthfully. you're the only one that i can turn to for stability. even though you're just like me. haha x]] |
|
|
|
spent all day with marty. dude.. i just realized that i spend practically every day with him. eep. >.< well today we had another movie marathon this time at wade's house. DANG. wade's got a HELLA nice house. WOW. he lives in innis arden [which is like one club house lane but nicer] i kept walking around his house all dazed. it was so nice! wade ended up leaving us alone for a while which was cool because marty and i were uhh.. i guess you would call it "snuggling" cuz i was slightly leaning against him and he had his arm around my shoulders. hehe :blush: we went to go get some lunch at johnny rockets but i didn't stop by my parents store cuz i'll soon be working and i wanted to cherish my time AWAY from it. haha  which reminds me that i'm starting tomorrow.$4 an hour during the two week training or apprenticeship and then $6.50 an hour when it's over and continual rises in pay as i get better. pretty cool. he dropped me off at home with a quick kiss on the cheek. are we going steady? ionno.. i'm still not sure i want to but we're definitely more than friends. you've been the first in my life who has ever made me feel this way.. you're my everything. you're my hopes and dreams baby you know it ain't no lie. |
|
|
|
the whole thing with marty might work out.. i'm getting him used to the idea of writing letters [by promising gifts. haha bribery always wins. d(^.^)b] and we've been talking on the phone a lot so i'm happy. i feel like a little school girl with her first ever boyfriend. always writing about him in her journal and get all silly-smiley whenever she thinks about him and their dates. the guy's amazing what can i say? so anyhow.. on sat. or sun. or what is monday? okay well whatever.. marty invited me and his close friend [best friend? O.o] wade to some bbq one of his parents' friends were having. since i had nothing better to do, so i accepted and it turned out to be a blast. as usual. haha. not a minute went by that i did not laugh. i was cracking up and had tears in my eyes so constantly that i was freaking blind since i had a hard time seeing through the laughter-induced tears. for example:marty had on his summer "uniform" of a white tshirt with khaki cargo shorts. unknowingly he sits on this chair that had a drop of ketchup on it and later he gets up to get another coke and wade and i noticed the ketchup stain. we started laughing hysterically and poor marty's standing there totally confused and i stood up next to him and asked if he got his period cuz there's this red stain on his shorts. so he whirls around trying to look at the butt of his pants and sure enough it looks like a period stain. HAHAHAHAHAHA. we kept making cracks about it so finally he told his mom that he had to go back to his car to change and showed his mom his stain and his mom bursts out laughing. so he storms off and gets changed in the car [he always carries extra clothes for crew practice or something] and he comes back and we keep making woman jokes about him. he's a good sport and graciously laughed along with our jokes. haha. xDD while in the car ride to richmond beach, wade made this hella funny conversation: wade: marty you should get one of those "beware of dog" signs for your house. marty: why? we don't have a dog wade: who said anything about a dog? it's to warn pple of you then marty stops right smack in the middle of the road, unlocks the door and tells wade to get out of the car and walk home of course he was kidding but it was so hilarious! i kinda felt bad for marty.. wade and i kept tag-teaming up against him. hehe >:]] *sigh* i think these memories of marty might be the most cherished ones of senior year.. *blush* hehe :] |
|
|
i swear.. my parents are beginning to despise me. actually.. i think it's just my mom.  she's always coming home in this bitchy mood and starts bitching at me and whenever she doesn't say anything i feel this glare or angry aura around her whenever she looks at me. i'm kinda like mirror. whenever someone's feeling a certain way, i pick up on it and it puts me in it too. so whenever my mom starts bitching at me, i start bitching back and then we get into this giant argument and it leads to me telling my mom to shut up and slamming my bedroom door. so much for respecting my mom. but fuck that. she doesn't show me respect so i'm not going to do that either. i know that i've been writing about marty a lot lately.. but since i hang out with him practically everyday it's the only thing to blog about. he's the middle child too so he understands most of what i'm going through. he's truly an amazing and wonderful person and i'm glad that i have his friendship. :] |
|
|
|
the temperature is affecting me so badly! i can't seem to make myself want to do anything including cleaning even though my room's disorder is driving me insane. hmm.. :T maybe working will get me out of my funk. i start tomorrow! wish me luck! working for the parentals is suicide.. X_x pray for me! well today was pretty fun. i ended up going to the damn richmond beach AGAIN! fourth time during the past 3/4 days! that's insane! marty and i were playing around in the beach playground like we were lil kids. x]] i ended up riding the swing for a good portion of the day. haha i love the swing. it calms me down and helps rid my worries and lifts my spirits. :]]this summer's definitely NOT what i had in mind.. >.< but one summer surprise makes up for it.
|
|
|
|
last night was.. PERFECT. i'll tell you all about in the ridicuously long letter, monica. but it was perfect.. awesome.. wonderful i couldn't have asked for a better date. :] |
|
|
|
i hung out with marty all freaking day today. whee! hehe :]] i didn't have anything to do, then he called and asked if i wanted to come over and just "chill" out at his house and so i did. ^-^ we watched dvds all day and got a bite to eat from dicks. yummay. x] he's so much fun to hang out with! i think that we're a good match for each other. we both have a tendency to switch on and off [hyperness] whenever i'm all hyper, he's mellow and he calms me down and whenever he's hyper, i'm mellow and calms him down. but sometimes we just help each other be mellow or hyper haha. :] so i guess we're kinda dating? i guess our date TOMORROW!! is our "official" date. koowhee. xD |
|
|
|
FUN-NESS! DAYUM! marty's hella fun! i hung out with him today along with some of his friends. how awesome. ^-^ we went mini-golfing. :]] can't wait to go on that lil "tet a tet" with him on friday. whee ^-^ |
|
|
|
i feel kinda empty. i've been having irregular sleeping patterns. i wake up even though i'm still really tired.. got plans with paula and i called up marty this afternoon to hang out with him before he leaves. *sigh* i'll miss seeing that gorgeous face of his. his warm blue eyes, innocent yet touched with a touch of mischief smile, the many different twinkles in his eyes depending on his mood, soft dark golden blond hair complete with sideburns.. his soft lilting voice, the soft boom of his laughs and those ridiculously funny facial expressions.. his hilarious jokes, sarcastic wit, gentleman charm, romantic dreams and goals, views about his life and the future, constant offers of rides to everywhere from my house to starbucks or jamba juice or bubble tea runs, reasons as to why we should date and the insistent offers of dates.. God.. why am i so desperately hung over him? this is so painful. i feel like i'm falling into a deep hole. he's the first thing i think about in the morning and the last thing i think about before going to bed at night. it just feels so unfair. it's finally right at my fingertips and i can't grab it because it's out of my reach.. i love him.. as impossible as it is.. i love him. |
|
|
|
today was graduation. and surprisingly i didn't cry. for the most part, i just hollered and whooped with the rest of my class and had a blast. :] we had a little prank going. we all had tiny marbles and embedded them into our hands and when we went to go shake the superintendent's hand, we dropped the marble into his hand. >xD everyone kept doing that so the superintendent person kept having to drop all the marbles onto the table to keep his hand free. >:]] i kept bumping into marty everywhere i went. and i wanted to avoid seeing him so that it was less painful on me.. but nope. i saw him all day. i met his parents and his brother after commencement when i was looking for my parents. his mom got a picture of us and marty promised to send me a copy. :]] then he came with me to help me find my parents..he kept holding my hand.. and while we were outside he pulled me behind this block thing and gave me a full kiss. right smack on the lips. my first kiss.. i can't believe it. *sigh* if only he WEREN'T moving. if only.and crystal told me later on when i went to go look for her that she heard marty shouting out my name as i got my "diploma". :]] i'll miss him.. i miss him already. i can still feel his soft, gentle lips on mine.. what an evening. |
|
|
|
i'm going to miss him so much. i have to admit.. he's the biggest crush that i have ever had. and i'll most definitely miss him yet wish him the best of luck as he goes after his dreams and goals at college. who knows? maybe i'll bump into him while visiting some friends in cambridge and boston. besides.. 2 of my friends are going to northeastern as well. :]] i almost started crying as paula and i walked down the halls of shorewood for the final time.. as i stood on the senior steps for the final time and saw what the school looked like through marty's eyes. and started getting teary-eyed when i realized how much time went into thinking and fantasizing about a relationship that could never be.. my heart's breaking already as i got a second to last goodbye hug from the man of my current dreams..
|
|
|
|
today was day one of commencement rehearsal. pretty interesting. well not really but it was fun getting to know some of the pple in class that i never really talked to. rob leonard's not so bad.. i used to sit a row behind marty but they messed up the seating and fixed it so that we're sitting on the opposite ends of two rows. so it's like this: before switching: x -------- people -------- marty --- x [row 7] x -------------- people -------------- x [row 8] x -------- people -------- me --- x [row 9] after switching: x -------- people ------- x marty [row 8] me x --------- people --------- x [row 9] eh i don't really care. he threw a playing card at me so i chucked it back at his head. >:] the guy i'm walking down the aisle next to is a pretty cool guy. yeah.. max losse isn't half bad either. he linked our arms and stuff haha. what a nice guy. :] i tried my cap and gown on for the first time. basically, my cap and gown were sitting in it's tiny plastic bag since april. oops. oh well. and i figured out my cap. yay the principle said it was okay to throw our caps in the air. but i want mine so i'm going to practice throwing it straight up in the air at home. haha *<:] june 13th - everett event center. anyone want to come? i have 2 extra tickets. :T |
|
|
|
it's over. it's really over. unbelievable. it's so hard to grasp. today marks the last day that i'll be in some of my absolute favorite classes. essay fund - thanks for the wonderful experience of being taught by such an amazing, caring and hilarious teacher, mr. kelly. you took everything with such grace and turned everything into a hilarious joke. internet & basic html - thank you for all the gentle teasing, awesome and continuous music, hilarious sense of humor, easy going nature and for being just so dang unbelieveably affable, mr. zellerbach. senior year is certainly a year to remember. i had the best teachers possible: ms. matthews - mr. zellerbach [2x in one semester!!] - mr. kelly - ms. kar - ms. sukol - ms. gorman it hurts. i'm sorry for what i said marty.. i honestly didn't mean it.. i was just afraid. please understand. i'm afraid of being so open and close to you only to have you leave me so soon when i'm going to be falling so hard for you. i'm sorry.. |
|
|
|
this isn't happening.. tomorrow CAN'T be my LAST official day of high school.. today couldn't have been my second to last day.. i can't be graduating on sunday.. no no.. tears are starting flow on their own accord. this is too painful.. my childhood can't be coming to an end. it just can't. i'm not ready.. i'm just not ready. ___________________________________ he's being taken away from me.. even though the distance i've put between me and him doesn't stop the pain. it hurts so much. and this argument that we're in doesn't help out much either. it's s u r r e a l.. someone save me. |
|
|
|
i love the way he makes me feel. can't you see there's a feeling that's come over me close my eyes you're the only one that leaves me completely b r e a t h l e s s you saw the beauty in everything. everything and me. - michelle branch |
|
|
|
maybe it's intuition but some things you just don't question like in your eyes i see my future in an instant and there it goes i think i found my best friend i know that it might sound more than a little crazy but i believe i knew i loved you before i met you i think i dreamed you into life i knew i loved you before i met you i have been waiting all my life damn.. i love savage garden. their ballads are so beautiful.. so meaningful. ballads. ballads. ballads.. being a hopeless romantic sucks.. -.- |