how exactly does one end up in a bisexual love triangle?
Date: Feb 12th, 2005 3:01:36 am - Subscribe
Mood: destructive
music: placebo, every you every me
they're not entirely as much fun as they make them sound like they are.
it hurts and it's messy. it makes me want to destroy things.
two reliable sources advised me to start distancing myself from eric, fast.
it is my desire, being angry and bitter, to commence so by a little friendly competition. after all, what good is a triangle if i'm the only one who wants off this pony ride? that's it, i'm walking in to the burning building and i'm tempted to try beating him at his own game. take that, little naive boy.
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staraya lirichskaya pesniya
Date: Feb 11th, 2005 3:03:13 am - Subscribe
Mood: depraved
music: juanes, a dios le pido and nautilus, klhop.
going to eric's. *sigh*
had terrible therapy session. one of those: well of course your heart's broken, you need more friends, silly. it's dumb of you to make HIM your best friend. ha. but if i were better at socializing, this probably wouldn't have been a problem to start with.
none of this is aided by the fact that i HATE THE UNIVERSE right now.
*hitting head on wall repeatedly*.
i just want someone to hold my feet and sing me songs that aren't in english and have lots of accordian/concertina sections.
and yes, he did spend the night with an extremely beautiful girl i'd kill to sleep with myself.
time to take up knife throwing.
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chronic drowning syndrome
Date: Feb 10th, 2005 7:47:36 pm - Subscribe
Mood: take a fucking guess.
music: genitorturers, asphyxiate
eric didn't come home last night. i think, or at least, i'm pretty sure. either that or he came home after 3 a.m. and just crashed. but he would normally be awake by now. therefore, i've concluded that ...he isn't at home. which explains why his cell phone is dead.
the result is that i..think he went home with...a girl. and...may even still be there. it's funny, because before he left he said "i love YOU, honey". it's a lot easier not to care when you're in someone else's bed.
the end of an era, i guess. there's no one left to care for me. and when i'm crying, there's nowhere to go. there's no one to look to.
in combination with everything else, i think the world is crashing in on me. i don't think i can do this. i keep repeating the poem from the perks of being a wallflower to myself. at this point in time, i'm fighting sucidal urges. i've tried coloring, ice, rubber bands...all i want is to articulate how awful this feels in a way that someone could understand.
very simply: the picture is bleak to me at this moment. eric doesn't care, there's never going to be a man i work with: i'm going to be dreadfully alone for the rest of my life. an orphan of sorts from the start, i'm never going to have a family, even. something most human beings are given at one point or another at least once--if not in their youth one as an adult that they create on their own...there's not going to be any hope for me on either of these. the end.
do i really want to go on knowing that the world will consistently offer me very little to keep me warm other than tears? it seems to benevolent a gesture to give the work i'm capable of creating to a world that does not reciprocate. so. i guess we'll find out exactly how much of an ascetic i am.
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it's always better on holiday
Date: Feb 10th, 2005 9:13:57 am - Subscribe
Mood: despair
i think i may be beyond point of articulation on my psychological state.
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self-explanatory
Date: Feb 8th, 2005 8:33:35 pm - Subscribe
Mood: antisocial
i am gonna lose my FUCKING mind before this day is out.
*insert long line of explitives here*
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