|
Hello. My name is Jennifer. I'm fifteen. I go to a school near the harbors in California. I'm vegetarian. I've wanted to be a meteorologist since I was three years old. If you want to know what I look like... I'm almost 5'7". I'm black. I'm muscular but not lesbian. (Not trying to offend anyone. You have to specify in SoCal.) I like to be referred to as 'adamson'. I don't think of myself as Jennifer. I get high but I don't smoke. I cut. That's me, basically. |
|
So, there's this guy I like. His name is Ty. I like him a lot! But the thing is that I don't know if he likes me. I know, I sound like a typical fifteen-year-old... But, I wish that I knew something. Like what he really thought of me. Like if he thinks I'm too hippie-ish or something (I am). Ay. -jennifer |
|
I'm all at school, right, but I see Ty, and I'm like, "Damn I wish I was with him. I wish someone could get me with him. I would be happy." Yes, that's in a quote. The quote of my subconsciousness. I'm pretty sure that isn't a word, though. Haha. I didn't even feel good at school today. I just felt like crap, and like my body was mostly falling apart. And everyone's asking me, "What's wrong?" I responded, "I feel like crap." My stupid guy friend decided to say, "She's on depressants." Don't you think I would be feeling better on depressants? I was an addict before I even knew him, and he brings up that shit. I've known him since seventh grade! He doesn't know me as "not an addict", and he's just getting used to the "real" "normal" me. He wouldn't even know. Today (on the school bus lol), they (all of these kids (aka the juniors & seniors) were playing the game Either/Or (aka "Would you have sex with either him or him?"). A great game, but the freaky kids always try to throw in girl's names, and I always say, "I'm not like that." I'm just not, lol. I think they actually want me to be gay. Lol, not that there's anything wrong with that. Like the acronym my friend told me today: Good As You. Haha. Plus, there was this one bi guy playing with us... he is so cute, but he's only into guys at the present... lol. I want to talk to him though. I'm tired of seeing Ty and not talking to him (although that's not a big issue right now). I'm tired of not sleeping. (I take beta-blockers to sleep, and I don't even have high blood pressure... I'm actually scared it may be low...) I'm tired of being ignored. It seems that no one really knows who I am. It's because NO ONE expects me to be a addict, mostly because I'm high-functioning. High functioning as, "I still have an B+ average while maintaining an addiction!" Interesting. •adamson |
|
At school... I can't go. I have to go, but I can't. I hate that fucking place. I really don't want to learn. I hate learning. That's why I get high lol. If I wasn't such an apparent fake, everyone wouldn't have such high expectations of me. The real me cares about people's expectations of me. The real me tries to make a good first appearance. The only thing is that that first appearance is almost always ruined. I hate to think. |
|
I feel so happy. And funny. And I feel sorta giggly, like all of my molecules are rising to the top. I'm not high. Really, I'm not. Ay. Maybe I'm a little delirious. ..adamson |