 I'm Andrew. Nice to meet you, and welcome to my blog. Please, look around and judge me based on what you see. Have fun!  care to view recent entries? / what's a braingle? / andrew, who? VIEW aeonity profile / VIEW aeonity friends / VIEW aeonity archive / Aeonity Blog |
| As thick as you are, pay attention. |
Mar 14th, 2010 8:47:55 pm - Subscribe |
| Jeremy Irons is a beast. I think I get it now. Sorry it took so long. I didn't quite put everything together. Because what, you met someone who was happy? Someone similar to who I ~was, who is as deep as I ~was, but who is joyful? Someone who believed that the only reason we are alive is to cherish the beauty of it all? Someone to look forward to? Someone who made you feel like a true, wholesome person? Well, that’s nice. It’s always nice to hear someone say that I’m a scared shithead who takes the easy road. And it’s oh so great for you to have met someone who follows the “spiritual and intellectual” path of joy. No, actually, it's because I've started watching the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, and it was a quote he said that I thought was interesting. Why is it that everything I say or do regarding 'glass half full' *has* to be about you? I love you, so much. It makes me sad when your sad and it frustrates me when you're so down, because there's not a thing I can do about it. I'm sorry if it seems like I've been short with you because of it. When I told you about her, I didn't mean to make you jealous or anything like that. I was excited, because it reminded me of how much time we used to spend together and I missed it. That's all. I'm sorry. Please don't compare yourself to her. You're.. you. I mean, I don't know how else to say it. I know that you probably won't talk to me for a while.. or if ever. I mean nothing to you now, and I can see why. I told you from the beginning that I wasn't this god you portrayed me as, but I'm telling you now that I am so sorry for hurting you - again. I do it so god damn often, I'd also understand if you didn't forgive me for acting like an oblivious jackass. It must be easy for you to decide to disassociate yourself with me like that. It must be easy to have so many places to go, to have so many options. So if you’re going to leave, just fucking leave. Get the fuck out. But don’t leave for two months, and come back - get my hopes up, and then pull a, “Psyche, fucker! I actually am sick of everything you are; and I met your opposite, and they shed light onto what a horrible person you are. I’m ashamed of myself for even associating with you.” I'm sorry for leaving before. I already apologized for that, and you said you were okay with it. You said you forgave me then, or were you lying? I said I was sorry for it. I'm not trying to screw with you. Why is it that you're allowed to find yourself through all these endeavours, but I'm not? You can do what you need to to be okay, but I can't? Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that. And I never said anything held in those quotes. I would never say anything like that to you. I couldn't. I can't believe you would think that. I love you so much more than you even know, and I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say that I'm sorry for always messing up, always saying the wrong thing, and always making you feel like shit. I'm just sorry. I was trying to be happier, for you, you know? Not happy, exactly. I am still finding myself out, you know, but I needed to ask you a question. That question that led you to calling me empty, shallow, and boring. I have all these questions. I used to ask you for answers, but I see that’s not going to happen, anymore. I don't want you to be happy, or whatever, for me. Be happy for yourself. Be happy because of something I did, that's fine. But don't do it *for* me. I want to be there to answer questions for you, but sometimes I just don't have the answers. That makes me mad, that I can't know everything. Not mad, just frustrated. I'm sorry that I might have taken it out on you. I want to be there for you. I really, really do love you. Like.. I don't know. You don't even get it. Probably because I don't know how to explain it, but whatever. I'm sorry. Okay? That's it. I'm sorry. I don't care if you don't respect me, I just don't give up on me. I understand why you wouldn't respect this person, whatever the fuck I am, but please don't hate me. I'm sorry I'm not more sensitive or understanding or compassionate. You've always taken my crap, and I guess I just went too far. I'm sorry. I really, really am. Backbeat the word was on the street that the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now. And all the roads we have to walk along are winding, and all the lights that lead us there are blinding. There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how.. Because maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me? And after all you're my wonderwall. |
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| mood: quiet |
(2) comments |
| As I was saying... |
Mar 11th, 2010 12:48:05 am - Subscribe |
| There's something I believe wholeheartedly: Cynicism is the true refuge of the pseudo-intellectual. Cynicism is easy. Joy is an extremely advanced spiritual and intellectual tenet. Now I'm through with that tiresome point. |
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| mood: unstoppable |
(6) comments |
| I'm sorry |
Mar 3rd, 2010 2:50:31 am - Subscribe |
| but I think your style has finally started to bore me. You're not as deep as you think you are. The well from which you arose is dry now, and very, very dim. Dim isn't always good. Dim is dark. Dark is boring. "I don't care if I'm boring." "I'm not here to entertain you." "I'm a realist." No. Dark swallows every shred of hope. That's not cool. That's not impressive. That's not something to be proud of. "This is how it is. This is how I am." No. Shut the fuck up and get back to the person I first met you as. This is pathetic. This is distasteful. I loved you. God damn it. Did I do this to you? And you probably won't ever even read this. Probably not. |
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| mood: fidgety |
(9) comments |
| Kate Omegle |
Feb 28th, 2010 3:06:35 am - Subscribe |
| This one's for you. | |
| mood: outgoing |
(2) comments |
| I know what I am. |
Feb 22nd, 2010 1:07:56 am - Subscribe |
| Cut teeth, better believe I gotta feeling that I'm underneath, But I know what I am, they know what they are So let me be 'Cos it's alright, it's okay I got the time, but the time don't pay But it's all right, it's okay/ Die and succeed, I say it out loud, But you just don't care. Farewell, well, well, well, Till you know me well. December or glory how you want it? No, not a miracle in years/ I haven't decided if I'm back yet. I loved you so much, and I never understood why. Knowing you changed me, so so much, and I didn't understand that either. I hope I changed you. I hope you learned to grow up and to do it with me, in our minds, partially together. You had such a beautiful mind. It was wild and reached every way towards the sun. It stretched like vines across a rain stained gate, and I was there to see it. You were bright and bold, with colors I never knew existed. I appreciated that. I'd never meet you and I'd never find out what the gate kept within it's bounds, but I didn't care because you were there and it was all you, just growing up and growing out and you were enough for me. You were always just enough, and I didn't get it. I'm not sorry I left, but I'm sorry if I cut you down. I don't think I did, because you're still growing, even if you don't realize it. You're beautiful and you're so much smarter than I am. You're stronger than I am, too. I never wanted to cut you down. I wanted to stop myself from breathing the Internet, and you, and your life. I wanted to taste something real, and I know that's not your fault and I don't blame you anymore. I don't blame anyone, because I still love you and I still just want you to be okay. These are the things I think about when I'm alone without you. I wonder of your whereabouts and hope like hell you're happy where you are. You used to say that you're just fine, but I still wonder all the time./ Some lovers know it ain't gonna wear out, to each his own the same Look what you wasted |
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| mood: naked |
(0) comments |
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