Lost
Date: Oct 4th, 2009 1:55:50 pm - Subscribe
Mood: glum
I was in the middle of writing a post. Then I realized that it didn't make any sense at all. So I deleted it.
The point that I was trying to convey?
I have become someone that I don't even recognize. You changed me when we got together. You changed me for the better. But now that you've left me, I can't even get back to the person I was before I met you. Sure, she wasn't the best and the brightest, but she had more motivation and direction than I do now. It's not that I feel like I don't have a purpose in life now that you're not around anymore. It's just... I don't know HOW to live without you around. I grew dependent on you and your presence. And then you left without a warning.
...and took my drive to succeed in life with you.
You know my address. Will you send it back to me?
Thanks.
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You're Awesome
Date: Jul 31st, 2009 12:02:44 am - Subscribe
Mood: appreciative
Thank you for giving me a green check mark. I really appreciate it.
And everything else you've done for me since I've met you. You're amazing.
And what you said to me when you gave me my present? That just made my whole summer. =D to the max.
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Blank//
Date: Jul 25th, 2009 10:58:47 pm - Subscribe
Mood: hopeless
I don't know what to say anymore. No coherent thoughts, no justified emotions or sane plans.
I don't know what I'm doing or who I've become.
lost.confused.unmotivated.SCARED.
I don't like it.
comebacksoon.lovemeagain.
.makeitokay.
please?
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Forgive and Forget
Date: Jul 13th, 2009 2:49:08 pm - Subscribe
Mood: meh
In my opinion, when a person says "I can and have forgiven you, but I can't forget about what you have done", it's a cop-out. Especially when the thing that can't be forgotten isn't so much the action itself, but rather the pain that the action aroused. To forgive means "to give up resentment of or claim to requital for". So how can somebody say that you are forgiven when they are clearly still holding on to the pain that you may have caused them.
Fact: I hurt you.
Fact: I would do ANYTHING in the world to ease your pain.
Fact: Nothing can take back what happened.
Opinion: It won't ever be the same again. Even if nothing had happened, things would have changed and it wouldn't be like how it was. Granted, they probably would've changed for the better, but because of what I did, the road now forks into two different paths. One will lead to our destruction, but the other could lead to something that will be better than what we had. If we can get through this successfully, nothing can break us apart besides our own will.
You taught me about the concept of systematic desensitization to help me get over my fear. We can utilize this approach to our benefit specific to the situation we are going through. If we can learn to convert the pain we feel into something else - a sense of appreciation and security maybe - then the strain on our relationship will be lessened dramatically. If we can embrace the experience for what it teaches us about ourselves and how we handle hardships instead of fixating on the never-ending emotional turmoil, it will result in a loving, long-lasting, and carefree partnership.
What I did was wrong, there's absolutely no doubt about that. But if it's not this, it would be something else. Relationships need work. There's no way around it. We can't walk away anytime obstacles get in the way of our happiness. Yes, I said that I don't expect us to end up getting married - that Life will probably lead us apart from each other. I don't expect it, just like I didn't expect to fall this hard for you, just like I didn't expect my happiness to be dependent on your presence. I'm not saying that I need you around to be happy - I'm just saying that the magnitude of my happiness would be so much greater if you were around. While you are away, I find myself wishing that I could share some of my experiences with you, wishing that you were there that night I made cupcakes with my roommates, when I watched the fireworks with our friends, when I look up at the stars at night. I didn't expect for you to have made such an impact on my life, but you have. I don't expect anything more from you than a few good years (though the way things are going right now, I'll be surprised if we make it through the holidays.) However, it doesn't mean that it cannot happen. The future is unpredictable and has the possibility of changing with ever second of the present.
We can fix this. If not for the future, do it for the memory. Because who wants to look back 5 or 10 years from now and note any time of misery or regret that they experienced?
Lets change it, ...before...
everything
f
a
l
l
s
apart.
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jump
Date: Aug 24th, 2008 4:53:39 pm - Subscribe
Mood: used
Why do you expect things from me, for me to come running at your beck and call, for me to relieve you of any uncomfortable or undesired situations, when you've done nothing for me?
Yeah, I know I said I'd be there for you when you need me, that I'd be happy to help you with any problems. But I hadn't account for the fact that you wouldn't talk to me for days at a time, would hardly acknowledge my presence when I'm over at your place, would make no effort whatsoever to see how I'm doing. And then you text me at 4 in the morning to let me know that you are bored and that I should come hang out with you. There was no "Hi, how are you?" no consideration for the fact that I could've been sleeping (which is very valid considering how I usually sleep at 1. I just couldn't sleep on this particular night.) You just selfishly wanted your sense of boredom and loneliness to vanish. But what about me? What about the fact that the past few days, you had me wondering why you hadn't made any contact with me? What of the loneliness and abandonment I felt?
And then you get mad at me for not humoring you. Well I'm sorry babe, but maybe you should've texted one of those young girls who is so "in love" with you. Given their immaturity, and that of yours, I'm sure you would've been much more entertained by one of them.
you didn't like him; you thought he wasn't good enough for me. but at least he paid attention to me, at least he didn't repeatedly break my heart.
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