Can't think of a sufficient subject
Date: Nov 15th, 2007 2:52:00 am - Subscribe
Mood: conflicted
There's this guy that I've heard things about, bad things, prior to meeting him. I heard from a close friend of mine, through personal experience, that he is a player. I heard that he is charming but dishonest; a lethal combination. Because of her experience, every time I heard his name, I regarded it with disdain and disgust. This was several years ago. So for the last 3 or so years, I've lived life thinking that this certain person is not a good person, that he's no good to anybody that he gets involved with, that you'll just end up getting hurt if you let your guard down around him.
I actually met him about a month ago. And even though I know his past, I can't seem to disregard his seemingly genuine sincerity and possible interest in me. A big part of me tells me that I'm crazy and that he could never be attracted to me, but then the non hesitant side says that there is a chance and reasons it out with the fact that he's the first guy in a long time to sit extremely close to me and give me unnecessary hugs and gentle touches on the knees.
True, there is a high possibility that he is just overly friendly, but what if it isn't openness? What if he is in fact interested? Then what? I don't know enough about him to decide on what I truly want to happen. What happens if that isn't how he acts towards all girls? What would I do? Given what I've heard and seen (I had to clean up the mess he made of my dear friend) I'm not sure if I want to get involved with anybody like that. Sure I am attracted to him, but is that worth getting hurt for?
I tried really REALLY hard not to think about it; to let nature take its course and see what happens from there, but it's so hard! I am a thinker and I don't like surprises, so I like to plan out all the possible scenarios so that I won't be surprised if and when one of them happens. Then I just get stuck on one of them.
I really need to loosen up and not think so much.
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