"Carter"
Date: Jul 20th, 2008 8:54:42 am - Subscribe
Mood: torn
Dear "C",
I remember you asking me once what my thoughts were on you joining a fraternity. If I recall correctly, I never gave you a direct response. I told you that the decision is yours to make; that if you feel like joining them will make you feel a sense of wholeness and belonging, then you should. However, it was still something that you had to figure out for yourself and pass judgment on.
Well, here's my opinion. True and uncensored. Although too late for it to change anything, as you have crossed over from a pledge to an active, I still feel that it deserves a recognition of its own.
It seems to me as though you joined them not because you wanted to develop a deep unwaivering relationship with your to-be brothers. From what I have heard, you just want to fill a hole within you. I feel that, because you feel so lost, you wanted to go through the pledging process to "find yourself" and that you since you haven't had any success making it on your own, you figured, "Why not let them help me?". I get the feeling as if you believe that you're an outsider to the world and to your friends. That sometimes, you just don't fit in. I think that you believe that if you submerge yourself into some type of organization, such as a fraternity, then you would be forced to become like them therefore fitting in. You long to lose this sense of loneliness and uncertainty. And it doesn't matter how that comes about, even if it means that you'd have to be accepted as a blurry face in a crowd of many that make up one image. You want to be liked by your peers and you feel that the only way to achieve that is to be liked as part of group and not for yourself. If you're associated with the cool kids, then you, yourself, will be cool.
But don't you see, dear, that you are not this shapeless mass of energy? That you are an individual already? You don't need a group of guys to help you find yourself. Because you're already found. You found who you are on your way to getting to where you are. It may not seem enough. But it is. It really is. You have friends that love you and love hanging out with you just the way you are. If anything, being a part of the fraternity would make you feel MORE of an outsider, because you have something that the rest of them don't have. You have an understanding of yourself. You are already this established individual that marches to the beat of your own drum. You are adventurous and free-spirited. Becoming labeled as a Greek letter would only coup you up more; not open you to more possibilities. Now, I fear that you will be dissatisfied with your commitment because you have to change what was a perfectly established personality into one of the mass-produced.
So no, I don't think that you joining the fraternity was a good idea. But it was one that you made on your own and for that, I'm proud of you. I'm proud that you actually went through with something that you were unsure of. That you were able to commit. I really hope that I'm wrong. Because you do deserve happiness. You deserve everything you desire. Because I know you, and you wouldn't allow yourself to want what you don't think you should get.
Love,
me.
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