I'm A Bad Patient
Date: Oct 4th, 2006 11:21:14 am - Subscribe
Mood: sickly
Something I read today: prostitution is the oldest profession
I'm feeling sick, again. In literally the fifth time in the last two months I've been sick. Sinus, headaches, migraines, fatigue, nausea, sore throats etc etc. I'm 22 and on more medication than seems natural for one my age. Open my medicine cabinet and I look like an old woman. I feel like an old woman.
The worst bit is, I may loose my job over this. A casual has no rights to anything when it comes to being sick. If you don't work, you don't get paid. If you don't work for long enough, you dont come back. I totally understand how this is for a business. It just feels like complete bastardry when you're on the receiving end.
And as if that isn't the worst of it.. I'm going to flunk out of my uni degree if something doesn't give way soon. Either the sickness, the job is going to give way.. I don't know in which order or how but somehow it's going to destroy my chances of finishing this year off at uni. The idea of dropping out of uni this semester kills me because a) it goes on your permanent record with no mention of illness, you could just be a big fat drop out for all it shows, b) over one and a half grand goes down the drain, c) i can't start up again until second semster next year. So you see, dropping out of uni is far too costly for me in more ways than one.
I'm in a pickle my friend. They can't pinpoint a reason for me being so sick all the time other than plain old bad luck. If they can't pin point a reason, I'll lose my job sooner rather than later. If they can't pin point a reason for it all, I can't take a course of action with uni that can alleviate my problem (ie. chronic sicknesses and so on can sometimes get you secial consideration, bad luck does not).
Oh what a tangle web is weaved, when first the sickness is conceived..
I'm so screwed, it's noones fault, and there's no way out.
It's time like these I understand the pressure my friend must have been under when she threatened to throw herself off the top of her roof, just because she had an assignment due.. and she was sick.
How do I get out of this?
Comments: (2)
Midight In The Garden Of Good & Evil
Date: Sep 4th, 2006 2:29:31 pm - Subscribe
Mood: dissatisfied
Something I read today: Studies have been done to trace the extent to which cows MOO with an accent
Midnight.
Online.
Blogging.
Together, they make a pretty indicative picture of my state of mind. Oh don't get me wrong, things are still moving and clocking over from day to day. But I don't like how they're turning.
*mental note alison: you're pronouns are FUCKED*
Work these days has the same effect as beating my head against a brick wall. Though the latter may be more effective. Work would insist I go back and bang my head against the wall again and make sure I did it properly this time. It's karmic retribution. Ah ha! Fuck you Ally if you think you could get out of Greater Union with the will to live still in tact! Muah ha cunt sacks!
I don't normally condone use of the C word. Though at times, nothing quite says FUCK YOU like the C word.
And then there's Trivial Pursuit (aka Uni). You've played the game so many goddamn times you really ought have the quesions and answers committed to memory, perhaps some sodding strategy if you're feeling clever. But no. Short of time, energy and care, it's one more stab in the dark after the other.
I'm so completely FUCKED right now.
At the ripe old age of 22, I can find the hindsight enough to say "What a waste I'm making of my life.."
Comments: (2)
While I Was Sleeping..
Date: Aug 21st, 2006 9:33:44 pm - Subscribe
Mood: haunted
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream" Edgar Allan Poe
My God how I fear this. Last night I dreamt of something, someone, who awakens more in me than should be at this point of my life. I almost ended my current relationship for this person. I fear that if I cannot control the butterflies I may do it again. He confuses every emotion and every sensible move in my life..
And the worst bit?
I like it every time he does..
God give me strength.
Comments: (1)
It Starts With..
Date: Aug 18th, 2006 11:01:57 am - Subscribe
Mood: dysfunctional
Something I read today: regional spending is up compared to metropolitan
Me.
I'm not entirely sure why I decided to title my blog ‘alison’. I have another blog with a pseudonym that made sense to me when I was 16, but it’s no longer who I am. My abundance of profiles and myspaces and hidey holes in different parts of the net have another nickname I gave myself around the same time I started Net Chatting. And so I continued along that same line of identity for the last six years and haven’t thought much about whether it really speaks for me. Until now.
I was speaking with a friend about our nick names and pseudonyms and secret identities online. Normally, as with my previous nick, I like to keep my nicknames close enough that I could respond to seeing it on screen subconsciously but distant enough from my Birth Certificate so I couldn’t be googled.
That may be what got me here. Googling an ex-someone for kicks is a stupid idea at the best of times. It’s even more stupid when they have a website dedicated to ex-someone and matrimonially-partnered-someone-else.
With me so far? Good, because the root of a lot of my issues can be centred around that part of my life.
I don’t particularly feel like penning down my thoughts on all that yet though. To pen it all down would be to make sense of it all. I’m not sure I can make sense of it all, or at least, I’m not sure I want to know the sense of it because then I’d have to deal with it.
And I’m just not in the mood right now..
I’m feeling slightly left of the middle tonight.
And all this time, I thought I was right-wing.
Comments: (1)