Or some drug.
Sometimes I wish I understood myself better.
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The girl who played dorothy was addicted to heroin i think. Or some drug. Sometimes I wish I understood myself better. |
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Should I feel pathetic for spending a good hour or two I was tired and wanting to sleep playing solitaire and only winning about 2 hands? Either way, sleep doesn't mean shit. Theres this girl I've met, she's wonderful. I wont name names and it is probably too early to tell anything anyway. Who knows, maybe she'll read my blog some day and this'll freak her out and she'll run. Anxiety makes me anxious. Anyway, I'm getting to know her well and things are going great. Work sucks. We had this "Always Fresh" check which each shift gets and it determines whether people who've worked there 3 months+ get a nice little extra chunk of cash on their next paycheck. As it turns out, my shift is the reason they failed it. Not that I care, I haven't worked there long enough to see any decent money. But I'm sure, with how dramatic my store is, there will be a lot of hate towards my "afternoon team" I dunno, work sucks and I'm glad I'm not in any way attached to it. I just love money. Theres this beautiful cat I want to adopt. He's white and deaf. I fell in love with the little guy and he doesn't have a home =( my roommate says he doesn't want another cat in the apartment because there isn't space. As well, my current bundle of love, Spectre, is too much of a handful for him. For those who don't know. I feed her. I clean her litter. I entertain her. I pay her vet bills when necessary. She doesn't even enter his room. Apparently she gets in the way though, totally invades his life. Whatever to be honest. Meh I'm getting an email from the owner sometime tomorrow saying whether or not he's still in need of a home. Might take him anyway ... Since when do cats take up space? .. |
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Its been a while. I got a new phone. Its got a camera and everything. And an 8GB iPod nano, which I'm more than thrilled about. Had it for a while, but got it after I last posted. Sorry for my neglect. Work has been taking me over lately. DMC4 is great by the way.  .<3.  .<3.  .<3.   .<3. I'll try and be more consistant. I might get a puppy |
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Popular Torrent Usages by FrosT Introduction Recently I have been approached by a few people who have asked about torrents. The main question I get is the legality of a torrent and the ethical issues involved with downloading torrents and seeding, or uploading, torrents. Really the torrent community has a bad reputation, for merited reason. Most torrents are used to transport illegal and pirated material. But for the few people who do not use torrents in this way, the legality views can hinder their projects and plans. Torrents Save Money Torrents are an ideal solution for any small software company starting out. The reason being is that bandwidth is expensive. A torrent can easily save a small company starting out or even a larger company money by utilizing a system where peers help share the files. The Torrent system is also ideal for Non-Profit organizations to help get their software or files out to their employees for little to no cost all the while having the volunteers be able to help out with their own computer bandwidth. The biggest organization to utilize the BitTorrents would be the Linux community, who offers free open-source operating systems for those who cannot afford Windows and or want more functionality from their computers. The Ethical Views Torrents are noted for their bad reputation and for a lot of people this will shy them away from ever downloading a torrent. For the few companies that choose to use Torrents this will effectively limit their customer base. Torrents, in it self are not unethical; however, how torrents have been abused by many software pirates is. If you are downloading a torrent to obtain a copy of software, the best way to make sure what you are downloading is not illegal, is first check the companies website (if it is hosted on a 3rd party website). See if the software you are downloading requires to be purchased. If it does you have a couple options, one you can help out the business by informing them of the torrent. Two you can download the software from that torrent, but be sure to buy a genuine license key. Three do your own research; talk with the company etc. doing this will save you from having any type of lawsuits for downloading illegal software. Just remember that not all torrents are bad or good. Always virus scan what you downloading and make sure the software you are downloading is legal, if not go straight to the company. Ending Notes In the end Torrents are not all illegal, although there is a vast community out there that do use torrents illegally, torrents can be considered a viable solution to expensive bandwidth; thus allowing companies, non-profit or profit making, pass along their savings to their customers all the while making access to their files easier. Remember a lot of time and effort go into making movies, games, and software. Give credit where credit is due. |
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Mood: chillin Current Tune: torrent, bit, bittorrent, legal, illegal, linux, organizations, computers, bandwidth, afford, price, cost, solution, community |
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I finally got a new cellphone with a real plan. Though I have a three year contract, contracts always make me nervous but I'm sure it'll be cool. Got a new iPod. 8 GBs, I love it. If you can't tell, I had an excellent day out shopping on Friday. Got my phone, ipod and 3 awesome DVDs. Se7en, Pulp Fiction and A Clockwork Orange. Been waiting for a chance me and my two roommates are all off work, thats rare. But I wanna watch them with ..them~ Nothing much else to say. Works been crappy, and I've been going way too much. Today though, I do get to start my work week with the new girl and I like her a lot. She drives me to and from work which is nice, she lives like two feet down the street. Been playing a lot of FF12 with my time off. Its such a crappy game but i wanna beat it before FF13 comes out in, I think March. and Devil May Cry 4 ...is going to be comparable with sex I think. But ...I'm a dork. Anywho, gotta get ready for work. |
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Is it just me, or did January not even exist? I can't believe how fast this month went for me. Was probably because I never got much accomplished. I had so much trouble sleeping last night. I'm going on 4 hours at the moment and I have work tonight. My roommate left for work an hour ago and I love his bed, I'll probably try to nap in that after this entry. They hired someone new at my work for afternoons. I'm very glad she's going to be working with me. I need more people around me who have a sense of humor, patience, and respect. For some reason, I don't see that much at my work. My roommates also considering switching to my shift, which would be awesome. I wanna write a lot this entry, but I really don't have much to say. I hate being on the computer lately, I've been way depressed and unmotivated to get out and do anything. I've finally got plans to go somewhere tomorrow, since I have the same day off as my best friend, for once. Maybe I'll have something interesting to write then. Goodnight Aoenity. |
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I don't wanna work tonight either. Goin on 6 days straight. I feel bad, my roommates scheduled for 9 days straight, though he'll probably get out of it. Not much going on with me lately. Been playing a lot of Halo 3. I'm such an exciting person, no? eh when you only have mornings to enjoy yourself, you don't have a lot of time to be creative. |
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thus begins the work week from hell. 3-11 pm ..5 days straight. Its money, so i took it ...but afternoons. I dont know. My roommates are going to a movie tonight, I have to work. |
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...and why you lied to me. I'm scared of letting myself fall in love any more. It seems every time I do, a week, a month, a year goes by and suddenly I fall for someone else. I hope nothings wrong with me and one day I will find someone who always keeps me satisfied, I'm just tired of relationships that end. Works been so fucked up I can't stand it. Suddenly I'm not scheduled for an entire week, now they switched my times. Instead of 11-7am, I'm to work 3-11pm. My afternoons. The best time of every day and I'm supposed to work. I've decided I'm going to ask the manager about it when I get a chance, it may be temporary because they just fired someone off that shift. If they want to make it permenant though, I'm finished there. Perhaps I can switch to days if someone so desperately needed to take my night shift from me. But afternoon/evening is definitely not happening fulltime. |
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thats right above from where you are for anyone interested, I think my old "true love" being back in my life was a good thing. It was nothing serious, he just got xbl and we played halo together. I think I did it, I'm over him. I have no feelings and hearing his voice and being attached to him again in some way made me realize it. I was hung up on him since we broke up like 3 months ago and now I can finally move on. I wish I felt this way sooner instead of clinging to something that wasn't there and never would be again. Nothing worse than the "whatif" that comes after an unfinished relationship. Maybe all I needed was this closure, this small realization there really wasn't anything there anymore and I needed to see it myself after the wreck. Maybe we all just need a little closure. I have someone new in my life now, maybe things are looking up. I'm not going to say for sure though, cause everytime I have before, there'd be a lot of bumps on the road and many pitstops I've come across. Forgive me for being lame. I've worked a lot this week and sleep has become one of those things I've decided to ditch in order to get things done. I feel good though. I finally feel good. |
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I don't know what to do with myself the one guy who broke my heart is back in my life ..wtf~ |
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Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanza, and have a Happy New Years! Sorry if I missed any. I wish you all happy and safe holidays this season. =) |
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Foot seems to be healing well I think. My roommate and I went for donuts yesterday which is about a 20 min walk ...in shoes. Probably wasn't a good idea, probably only damaged it more. But I can feel it healing. Sunday night when i go back to work, i have to do it with that guy...the manager is gonna talk to him about how he asked me out and whatnot, so I'm sure it'll be awkward ...we'll see I guess. I just want the whole thing to go away. On a lighter note, my paycheck yesterday was 150$s more than I expected, put a smile on my face =) Haven't slept in 24 hours now, I'm making quite a routine out of the whole barely sleeping thing. Very excited, my roommates are going to their family's houses for the holidays so i get the apartment to myself the whole time. Yes, i know many will and have said their concern for how i'll be having a lonely christmas. But let it be known, each roommate had invited me for the family gathering, but i can't leave town either way, for i work sunday. Either way, feel not sorry for me! I love being alone. Is that weird? I will have my cat though, and the chinese food joint across the street =) it'll be a lovely christmas. A woman at work got me a christmas card. Now I will always say I don't like christmas, don't get me anything, bla bla. But being at work, a fairly new employee who works nights with little chat between coworkers, I have not made many friends, this is fine. At this time of year, everyones joking around and trading gifts while i just sit there and watch. The card brightened my day even if she got one for everyone too. The difference you made, you'll never know my friend. |
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My foot is dead. I cant move it without tear jerking pain, let alone walk on it. And I just toughed 8 hours of work, standing in the uniform shoes that hate me to have my roommate say im faking it. Please Mr. Roommate. Look at these blisters, look at the pus ...tell me now I'm lying. I just didn't want to waste the bandaids i had so perfectly on to show him. On another note. I quit my job about a week and a half ago, or something, and I'm scheduled the rest of this week. I figured fine, i'll do it, get another paycheck, whatever. They posted next weeks schedule ...guess who's working before and after christmas? Yep ... Me. W.t.f. Oh well, I've been talking to my mom about moving and it looks as though it'll be postponed for an unknown amount of time, I may as well be making money while i wait and see. My roommate deleted all my songs off his computer, is it fucked up that made me cry? Its kinda weird, I had it all saved because i wanted to burn it, I even brought blank cds, many of them, when i moved in, but my roommate used the last 3. 700 songs just gone ...man, musics like my life. That's just fucked. If theres any good way to end a bad day, well, this sure as hell is not it. Man, I can't even walk right. Just shoot me now |
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I have to work tonight. I haven't slept in 48 hours. Hopefully coffee will do the trick ...lots and lots of coffee. Not much to report to be honest. I've finally discussed with my mom plans for the big move. So perhaps a date is soon coming that I know when to be prepared for. Heh, me be prepared. It doesn't matter, I won't start getting ready until the last minute is humanly possible to get it done anyway. My roommate woke me at 7am this morning making waffles and I swear, he tries to be as loud as possible (i sleep in the living room, by the way). This sucked, especially when you take into account the fact I no longer have an eternal clock, so falling asleep isn't as common to me as it once was. I fell asleep at 5:30am. Yay! An hour and a half of sleep. So ...it's 1:30pm now and my other roommate is in a cleaning mood. Vaccuuming, moving everything, in and out of each room of the apartment. What is sleep? Don't know if i'll make it. Maybe i should just call in sick. I need to quit this week anyway for my moving plans ... Sleep ... |
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Is it just me, or are a lot of entries advertisements of somesort? Keep clickin ones on front page to read. Weight Loss. Learning how to play poker. Vacation packages. Not that i mind too much, just wanna see real entries. =( Anyway .... I'm quitting my job tomorrow, thats final. I'm getting out of this situation, this weekend is my last. I get no sleep and nights are killing me. My coworker makes me awkward. Customers are complete assholes over simple mistakes. I need a better job. I need my hometown. I need my mom. I should call her tonight. Get it organized, start packing, maybe get a date. I should go back to school. I hope I find better work in Barrie, I hope all my old best friends are still there and not sour about how I left them all 2 and a half years ago. |
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Been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. Last night, I got incredibly tired at 1am, which is weird for me. So I went to sleep, woke again at 4 for two hours, then fell back asleep for another hour. Woke up and couldn't fall back asleep even though my eyes were heavy and my head was cloudy. I don't know. Maybe sleep isn't that important. I'm scared, I never called the guy at work when i said i would. I hope he won't be mad. Would it sound like bullshit if i said i lost his number? I hope not. It's the only excuse I can think of. My horoscope kind of got me today. Someone may be shaking up your world today, Marlene, and this might be a difficult pill to swallow. Realize that this is exactly what you need right now to get your lazy bones into gear. Don't look to others to try to change the situation. Change what you can change - yourself. If you feel like a victim, adjust your way of thinking. Only you can control your reactions and feelings in regards to a particular situation. Maybe this will be the push i need to start packing and get well on my way to moving home. Yes home. I havent had one of those in what feels like forever. Maybe things will make sense when i get there. Or maybe they'll make less. I need to worry less about outcomes and just dive in. Like I did before I was an adult. I told you 'bout strawberry fields, you know the place where nothing is real. Well heres another place you can go, where everything flows. |
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So a guy at work asked me out. He has 2 kids and looks as if he's just over the age of 30. For those of you who don't know. I'm childless and just a few months over 20. I work nights with him alone usually ... If i say no, he won't be too kind to me. If i say yes ...things could get awkward. I think I'd rather be ignored. Oh, is anyone else having a problem in CP? The dropdown menus arent accessable for me. I can't add Friends, edit profile or templates unless from first window. Is something wrong with me? ='( |
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Another sleepless night, another wasted day on sleeping. If any of you are ever offered a nightshift, whether you get more money for it or not, do not take it. Got to go to work in an hour and I'm dreading it. I tried to get a hold of my mom this evening, but no answer, so I'm going to try and call again then write an email if still no answer. I need to get out of here, I think. Alas, I must get some things finished with my day before it starts feeling like my life is all work, no play. 'i'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find. without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?' |
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I had to use a default template cause apparently my custom one i thought was amazing looked like butchered, yet colorful poo on other pcs. Maybe I'll get my HTML skill back at some point. So much catching up to do but I'll try not to bore you all! Been through my hardest breakup ever 2 months ago. Left me more broken than anything I've ever experienced, but life goes on and fighting is something I've learned to do and will always do. I've met someone great now so we'll see how that goes =) I'm bunking with a couple friends these last few months workin a midnight shift that I would believe to be killing me. I never get sleep and my roommates always need money from me. An opportunity to move in with my mother has come up though which i think would maybe be just what the doctor ordered~ She said she'll put 1000$s into buying me a laptop if I come home. Don't know if she's trying to fix her past mistakes with material items ...but i need a laptop and I can't even describe how much I long for that feeling of home again. Things have been crazy within the family and some things have happened that I believe have led my mom to try her hardest to fix the distance between us. My brother had overdosed on heroin over the summer, the doctors say he cheated death. He's lost 80% of his hearing and I'm not sure if it'll save our family or break it further. But as they say, nothing brings people together like a great tragedy (or something?) No need to be sad though! I have independence, I have my health (i think) and i have the love of my life in my lap. My amazing cat Spectre. This time I mean it, i'll try and update as much as possible! I've missed you guys and this site is still as amazing as ever. I <3 you Aeonity. (Emoblog for you oldschoolers like me) -Marlene |