crap crap crap
Date: Apr 18th, 2006 4:06:41 am - Subscribe
Mood: sweet
Hey Deathcab I did get rid of the guy who wouldnt fight with me.
Read previous entry abt the 6months.
Anyway 6months today.
Yea since there no more you theres no more anniversary.
Anyway SHE knows HIM.
Fuck does this world have to be THIS small.
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-shakes head-
Date: Apr 17th, 2006 12:49:53 am - Subscribe
Mood: unattractive
Ok seriously I am giving up on guys. So like there was this guy, mega flirt, kinda weird, thought I loved him, promised to be friends and now hes like ignoring me, well running off from me, yes we have some issues that we needed to discuss before we made the final goodbye but still *rolls eyes* Pussy.
Now I feel like an idiot, hes not a fighter, hes a packs-bags-and-runs, I was wrong.
First Meet
He and her were particpating in the same competition, her team was legging behind, her answers were all wrong, before her team figured the first question out, his team had finished the entire game.
Desperate, she asked them for help, he laughed in his dorky way, feeling so smart and intelligent, he had braces on, so did the other 2 girls on his team.
He handed her the paper with answers on it, as she was about to grab it, he pulled it and raised it in the air, she jumped, this continued for a couple of minutes until he was cracking himself laughing, she got tired and put a grumpy look on her face, he smiled and gave her the paper
"Thanks" she muttered as she snatched the paper, she copied all answers. Yes they were still in the game.
At the end, they all sat down, just as the winner was annoucaned, his fone rang, he answered it and walked away, everyne was looking his way.
After it was all over, she walked over to say goodbye to her friend, he was there, her friend and he were in a deep conversation
"Well I gotta go, today was awesome" she said to her friend.
"Oh yea bye and thanks for comming" her friend replied.
She looked at him, their eyes met, both filled with the same amount of mischief.
"Bye" she waved
"Yea cya around" he replied
She went her way and he went his way.....that overcast day in autumn.
The End
Comments: (1)
Promise
Date: Apr 16th, 2006 4:55:44 am - Subscribe
Mood: enlightened
what would you say if i asked you not to go
to forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
would you take my hand and never let me go
promise me you'll never let me go
and the stars aren't out tonight,
but neither are we to look up at them
why does hello feel like goodbye?
these memories can't replace,
these wishes i wished and these dreams i chased
take this broken heart and make it right
__________________
Lied to me everyday
Cheated on me everyday
Never made me a apart of your life
Never cared
Never smiled at my jokes
Never make me laugh
Never made an effort
Still why cant I stop thinking that maybe, just maybe he was worth it?
Eee infatuated by Eddie (not sxcii skater Eddie, the other Eddie)
Comments: (2)
Bullshit
Date: Apr 14th, 2006 3:37:45 am - Subscribe
Mood: dejected
Bullshit.
I might be a bimbo at times, I might seem dumb but I am not that stupid.
Fool me once shame on you.
Fool me twice boy your outta ya mind.
Comments: (2)
She died of a broken heart
Date: Apr 12th, 2006 3:15:46 am - Subscribe
Mood: neglected
: Reach out to me baby just this once...
It was a clear spring Wednesday, about 6 months ago.
She came home, it had been almost a month of being 14 and 3 days since she figured out how she was going to use her life. She hoped onto MSN and said a quick 'hello' to everyone that was on.
There was only about 3 people who replied back, her "sister", her "brother" and a new person that she added, he was someone who had found out what he wanted to do with his life ages ago, she just wanted to know what he was involved with and discuss some issuses and ideas with him.
They started talking, something felt so right, the late spring sun through the window, the crisp breeze, the smell of choclate chip cookies.
AH COOKIES. she rushed to the kitchen, she had once again burnt them.
She got back on and they continued talking. They talked for hours on the first night, she was happy. He was interesting.
A couple of days past and she started feeling something for him, not sure what it was or what she was meant to do with it, that friday he asked her out, she said yes, but didnt take it seriously.
The next Tuesday, she was alone at school, she wrote a couple of things about him, mainly out of bordem, but she still has those scarps of papers. That night she had to go over to her family friends place, its was the 1st on November. She was restless, she needed to get back home and talk to him, he was the other half of her.
That night at 10.30 she got onto the computer, a few mintues later he came on, they both talked and he made it clear that he really did ask her out. She was happy. He was perfect.
Weeks past. She started to stop feeling whatever she felt. She wanted to end it all but something stopped her. Whether it was her pride, her heart or her stupidity, with her who could be sure?
A couple of months past, there was plans for a future together, there were promises that were promised to not to broken. He was always going to be there and she was always going to be his.
A day came, when her world just fell to pieces, he had been lying to her all this time, she was not so much devasted as she was happy. She knew something was up, she just couldnt place her finger on it. She was right. Baby wasnt hers after all.
They let go of it all and started clean agaiu.
He was off at camp and she was off making out with someone else. But it was fine, because together they got through whatever there was.
This was it. She was falling. A bit to hard and a bit to fast. He had to be hers, not because she wanted him but because she needed him to be.
It was all going according to plan, until her 'friends' entered the picture. Somethig just didnt feel right....
She began to suspect something was up again, she wasnt sure what but her gut had never proved her wrong, she got worried, she stepped into depression, questioning herself all along "Is there something wrong with me?" "Am I not good enough"
She asked for a couple of days off, she found out her answer.
No it wasnt her.
Yes she was good enough, if not she was better.
Her friend told her everything. He was never hers at all. She said lets end it and he celebrated. They had been putting it off for fffaarrr to long. Maybe it was time.
That night she cried, she cried because she could.
Her best friend had just walked out the door.....
The next day, she got up, bright and early. "Baby today is the day I am going to start to live again" She said. And she did. She had a good time with friends, she she started to appreicate how wonderful they really were, she started to see the little things again, she stood and took a breath, something she hadnt done in ages.
The day after that hurt. She didnt have the strength to get out of bed, she spent a day in bed thinking about her perfect place.
She turned to despair and was about to break again, she then remebered a conversation that she had had with her hero, "they are too young, its too early to care about thing, who knows when the right person will come, mine didnt come till today and they should be focusing on their school work 
" He was a charmer, somehow hes naive childish advice made her smile.
Really it wasnt about it all. It was about she was. She wasnt going to settle for just anyone. She was too young to see the right guy if he walked on by and she was too mature to do what people her age were doing.
The day after that, she smiled, she was fine as long as nothing about him was mentioned but something always reminded her of him. She tried to stop her thoughts from wandering into a place that could have been. She wrote a few poems and let it out.
Her dad knows 
He asked her while they are out getting videos
"A boy?"
"No"
"No?"
"Yes, jerk moron asshole"
"Why do you care then"
"I dunno, I guess I realli did like him, I know I know you have told me too many times to watch myself but I guess I had to let go someday, broke me heart"
"He wasnt worth it then"
Just then her best friend entered the store.
He hugged and gave her a peck on the cheek
"You'll get over it" he whispered softly in her ear.
He didnt know what was wrong and she didnt feel good about telling him anything, they had a lovely relationship, he didnt know what was going on, all he knew was that he had to hug her and tell her she'll pull thru whenever she seemed upset and she loved it.
Her dad asked her
"Why dont you like him?"
"I dont like him, I love him, hes my bestest m8"
"But you'd never go out with him?"
"I dont want to ruin the friendship and plus we are too different"
"Or is it coz hes not a jerk? not an asshole? not a moron? is he coz you trust him with you life? and he'd cry if something happened to you?"
She didnt have an answer for that...
And there she was, with a big smile on her face. With her heart in a mess. With her hair everywhere. She was fine. Right back to where she started from.
Exactly 6 months ago, she met him, and now shes gotta let him go.
With a dorky joke, with a little wave, with a huge rock on her heart, she has to say goodbye....
Today she dies of a broken heart.....
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Its not like I think about you constantly
Date: Apr 10th, 2006 5:53:12 am - Subscribe
Mood: abused
Maybe I do but that shouldnt affect your life at all.
Anyway went to Kayla's after school. Eh kinda boring.
School
- 17/20 for my english assessment - 50% of my semster mark 
- Geography - dunno
- PD - watched movies
Wonderful-ness
Comments: (1)
-dances around-
Date: Apr 9th, 2006 6:30:47 am - Subscribe
Mood: screwed
Boooyyaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
I must say my gutt is proving to be an awesome thing.
Comments: (1)
3 days
Date: Apr 5th, 2006 8:23:17 am - Subscribe
Mood: elated
Wtf?
I just told him I want time...that doesnt sound like me!
3 days, I asked him to ignore me and pretend we dont know each other for 3 FUCKING DAYS!
I need to see if I can love myself without relying on the thought that someone else somewhere out there loves me.
I had a explosion. With him. Told him everything. And then went off at him and his advice
Patricia = ungrateful whore.
WHY DID I ASK FOR 3 DAYS!!
I cant love myself!
without the thought someone else does.
3 DAYS!
"I reserve the right to flirt with you in the 3 days"
"I reserve the right to break your neck if you flirt with someone else in the 3 days"
(If you cant tell the agressive one is me)
3 DAYS!
First thing I do when I get online is tell him EVERYTHING, about my day, about what happened at school, about good or bad something else.
Ah its just 3 days
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Love
Date: Apr 5th, 2006 3:03:37 am - Subscribe
Mood: fulfilled
Final list of definitions
Love is when you smile to yourself because you dont know what else to do.
Love is when you wake up in the morning and cant wait to head to bed again and start dreaming again but when you go to bed you cant sleep because you keep questioning yourself if this is for real.
Love is when he calls you at 2am just to say he misses you.
Love is when he drops everything and rushs over to your side because you dont have the strength to carry on.
_________________________
Am I in love?
I am not sure but he is the closest thing to perfect.
My Day.
Only person I talked to all day was Alex.
Yes Alex out of everyone Alex J.
Also talked to Ms.Boweer about the group.
Having a meeting with her at lunch tomrow. Hope it goes well.
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Stupidity
Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 8:17:04 am - Subscribe
Mood: distressed
Love pulls through.
One way or another.
I dont deserve this and I am sure everyone agrees.
Eee I made THE BIG CONFESSION to him today.
"I didnt mean to I am sorry"
"Put it behind us, it doesnt matter and I only did what I did because I thought this was the case so we even?"
How can someone not love him?
Oh I hate this little burst of love I get....ah well
Comments: (2)