Date: Apr 5th, 2005 8:42:03 am - Subscribe
To my total surprise, he came back to me. Nina's pregnant and his family is going crazy about it. This is nothing compared to what I went through but all that they deserve finally reflected back on them. They should realize when they didn't accept me, there may not be anyone better and because they thought there's always better, they got this in return. Dumb Nina asked him to take in the kid. That made me laugh so hard inside. If he's that type of guy, I would have told him about Adrian and I, because the guilt is killing me. But I know what's going to happen if I tell him so it's better off unsaid. He's going to hate me. I can't go back to him with this guilt. So if I do decide to go back, I have to tell him and how he takes it, is what we're gonna move on with.
For some reason, I hesitated when he asked for me back. Adrian was the first thing that came to mind. I don't want him to think that I was using him as a replacement. I didn't. I was lonely but I would never go that far with a stranger because of loneliness. Whatever it is, seo didn't give me the feeling I've been waiting for. Every night, I cry myself to sleep, hoping that he would turn back one day but now that he did, it's not the feeling that I've been searching for. I wanted him to come back and tell me that everything had ended. His family isn't gonna run his life. I don't want to fall back into that mess. My family isn't going to be too happy about it either. It's already enough of a disgrace. Lonely nights are hard to go through but it has almost been a month, I didn't die right?
Okay, maybe I should stick with what I have now. I'm not going to be complete with him anyway. I still need to grow up. We'll see. Maybe he'll say something nice to change my mind. I doubt it. He can't talk.
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