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Wednesday - 22 September 2004 @ 1:01:31 am - Subscribe

* Descriptive essay.
I feel... orgasmic.
Tune: Paul Oakenfold - This Is Trance

Most people with older siblings know what it's like to grow up, moving cautiously from thing to thing, trying to stay away from the teasing and the criticism. And most also know what it's like when both of you are older and look back at those memories with a certain fondness, despite all of the upset it caused when it was taking place. For me it's no different, and when I look back on the memories I have with my older brother they make me laugh.
When I was younger, I was very gullible, as most children are. I looked up to my brother even though he teased me and made me cry often, and because of this idolatry I would believe everything he said. One of the most vivid memories I have is of sitting in my aunt and uncle's house, with my older cousin and my brother. They put in the movie "Child's Play" and we watched it from the beginning to the end. That movie absolutely terrified me, and both my brother and my cousin knew. They took my upstairs to my cousin's room, and my cousin opened his closet and looked in it, when all of a sudden he was in the closet with the door closed. He was yelling and banging on the door, screaming that Chucky and the Boogey Man had him. Meanwhile, my brother grabbed a hold of me and feigned fright, whispering that we had to help Adam! So he dragged me to the closet door, and slowly opened it, whereupon Adam jumped out and scared the daylights out of me! That would have been bad enough, but then they shoved me into the closet and I was afraid Chucky would get me. I was afraid of the dark for a long time because of this, and still to this day will not watch the movie "Child's Play." I don't let my brother and cousin forget about this and at every family gathering someone brings it up or wants to hear the story. I laugh about it now, as does everyone else in my family, but I know I disliked my brother for that for awhile and had held that against him for many years.
As we both grew older, our relationship changed for the better. Both he and I matured and the teasing gradually stopped, although occasionally he still finds something to pester me about. He went to college, and despite how I said I was so happy to have him gone I missed having him around the house. Not only did he have a car and could act as my personal taxi service, but I still idolized him. Although he has made many mistakes in his life, so have I, and despite his blunders I still find him to be a perfect older brother. During his college years, he would call me up and ask me to write an essay or two for him, which gave me the opportunity to tease him! He was asking a high school student to write college essays for him, and on top of that he used to tease me for liking to read and write. But I couldn't complain, because he paid me well, and he couldn't complain because he would receive great grades on the papers I wrote for him.
After he was done with college, my brother made the decision to join the Army. I thought this was a very honourable thing for him to do, however I was also anxious because of the situation going on in Iraq. While my brother was in Georgia completing his Basic Training, we wrote many letters to each other. I came to look forward to getting the mail everyday after school, hoping I would have a letter from him. The days that I did I would be smiling before I even opened the letter. He wrote to me about how he appreciates how our relationship has changed, and that he's sure I am too. More was said in those letters than we have ever said in person, probably because it is so much more easy when it's not face to face. He gave me advice about high school and college and urged me not to make the same mistakes as he did. We also talked about our younger brother, J.T., and he told me some day I would be in his position talking to J.T. like an equal instead of teasing him like we both do now. I took everything he had to say to heart, especially about "living it up" during my high school years. My brother is a tough guy, some would call him obnoxious at times, but he really cares about his friends and family. When he still lived at home, I was downstairs in his room with him and a friend of his, watching the video tape from their “Back to the Future” dance. At the end was the senior slideshow, with pictures of each student as a child and then their senior pictures. My brother had tears in his eyes as he watched this, remembering all the good times he had in high school. Right then and there he told me that I shouldn’t waste this time I have with my friends because once you go to college, you only hang on to a few of them. Ever since that day I have tried to do as he said, and I am having the best time of my life with my friends. Every time I get into arguments with my friends I think back to how he looked, his aquamarine eyes slightly red and teary, as he basically spilled his heart to me. That changes everything and has allowed me to treasure my friendships.
When Jason was ready to graduate from Basic Training and move on to his Airborne and Special Forces training, my mother and I flew down to Georgia along with his girlfriend. I was so excited to see my brother; I wanted to see how much he changed after having been "smoked" and pushed to his physical and mental limits. I had no worries that he wouldn’t be able to handle it, but I knew that he would be changed forever by his experiences there. I was waiting with baited breath to catch a glimpse of my brother amongst all of the soldiers that were marching in formation, and I finally saw him. He looked so different, so much older and proud, standing there in his dress greens, his stance perfect. My brother is tall, broad in the shoulders, with a very trim athletic shape to him, and he fits the description of a soldier perfectly. He had gone into training with his hair already shaved close to his head, which he was razzed for, so he looked even more the part. After the special awards were given, we were allowed five minutes to talk to our soldier. I let his girlfriend, his friends, and my mom hug him before I got my chance, and when I hugged him I was so glad to see him! That night we were allowed to take him off base for dinner, and I could tell he had matured a lot during his training. He only teased me once, but I knew it wasn’t meant to bother me but it was more of an affectionate thing. I didn’t get to talk to him much because of his friends and his girlfriend, but the next day was his "Turning Blue" ceremony.
Once again I had to look for my brother amongst all of the identically dressed soldiers, and when I found him I was filled with a pride so large I thought I would burst! My brother was the best of the best and successfully completed his Special Forces training, and had the blue cord around his shoulder to prove it. We were again allowed to take him off base, and this time he was allowed to spend the weekend with us. He talked about all of his experiences, and invited some of his “war buddies” over. They all retold their stories while they were laughing, and everyone who listened was shocked at the things they had to do! It was amazing for me to see that my older brother, who used to tease me constantly and acted so immature most of the time did something like this. Again we didn’t really talk to each other but just sitting next to him was enough; to have his companionship again was a nice thing. I had really missed him when he was gone.
Currently, my brother is still in the United States completing the next step of his Special Forces training. We don’t write anymore, because he is only staying there temporarily, but we talk on the phone. We mostly talk about school, and how I’m getting my license soon, and he still gives me advice. I miss him and I am glad he isn’t in Iraq, because everyone in my family would constantly be anxious about that. Next weekend he is coming home, not only to visit but also to propose to his girlfriend on her birthday. It is a very weird situation because sometimes I still think of my brother as his immature self, and to think that he is going to get married just makes me realize how much older we’re both getting. It also makes me think of my younger brother and how one day he’ll be saying the same things about me and how we’ve both grown up so much. However, I’m excited that he has found someone he wants to spend his life with and that he is going about proposing in such a romantic way. It totally goes against the grain of the "tough guy" facade he tried to use during his high school and college years, and allows me to see what kind of a person he really is. And I love him for being that person.

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