the last love letter
date: Oct 6th, 2008 7:19:26 am - Subscribe
mood: lovesick



this is me
sky-writing
i love you
i must
1464 days plus
i have thought about you
without ceasing.
i ask the cards,
will i ever see him again?
and they say ugly things
like you think
when you think of me.
so this is me
front-page
headlining
i miss you
and you were not a fool
just afraid and
mis-communications
were made and
i'm sorry you never knew.

~'~

others' words: (0)


a motionless hunt
date: Sep 20th, 2008 9:26:03 pm - Subscribe
mood: invincible


these entries were moved and expanded to a section of a compilation blog called Blackbird Pie located at blackbirdpie.blog.com.
they can be found under the tag "a motionless hunt", and are now a finished series of prose and poetry. other entries continue in the other sections of the blog for more deserving muses.


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silence deafens
date: Jul 15th, 2008 3:49:07 am - Subscribe
mood: obsessed



i would do anything
for a word or two from you...

if you must hate me,
hate me hard
and make me
feel it.


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ghosts of misunderstanding
date: Jun 26th, 2008 12:51:28 am - Subscribe
mood: ~'~



you never had to act to
prove me wrong or right.
i know about fantasies...

my mouth was the very
fuck-it-all, music to your desperate soul.
my arms were the apathetic limbs of
freedom without obligation.
between my legs was sweet, pure rebellion.

you never had to act on it
to be with me.
that wasn't the point.
but you missed it ... entirely.

i am everything you thought...too right to be real
too unreal to be true
so bad...so good for you.

so, too bad.
too bad for me, and you, and us and we
and all the things we never had to be ---
defined like that.

i'm. just. guessing. here. but...
fear is larger than longing and desire is
less functional than dotted lines.

and my admiration at your self-denial is
tempered with disappointment
that i might have actually been
so very wrong.

...but i still believe that i can believe anything i want.

~'~
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muse
date: Jun 17th, 2008 11:56:08 pm - Subscribe
mood: disconnected





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projection
date: Jun 17th, 2008 11:55:20 pm - Subscribe



i find it amusing how many times a day i still think about you
but unsadly, and i don't 'pine' for you or wish for if-not-fors.
instead, i think of those thoughts as tiny blowdarts for your bygone heart.
all of a sudden you are melancholy and wondering...
and i have just poured a 7-Up as a toppered-truck goes by the window in your shade
a belly full of jellies and i am wearing my baby blue shirt.
the radio is full of work songs...toolbelts turn me on,
and you put the hammer down on any notion that you might even recall my scent
of vanilla, earth, and herb...and act like you never heard me sing
and that i never made you question everything
while i laugh at an empty glass and make you my prose-Jody
...immortalizing nothing.

may 25, 2008
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a-hunt-ing
date: Jun 17th, 2008 11:54:42 pm - Subscribe



you will arrive here someday
looking for a clue or two
a hint that i might miss you
and suppose i do...
what then?
are you finally aware
or still scared of
your own shadow?
so timorous, you turned
a tease into a terror
and a reason to never
think of things outside
your designated limitations.
you needed.
you need.
else you would not be
here looking for me
and hoping, somehow,
you are somewhat less intrigued
somewhat less bereaved of
the what ifs and what isses
and the misreads...
a blind man could see you
not move a breath and
dive into the depths of
the coldest sea in your soul
when i touch you
your voice hiding hope of
something unhoped for
not in the plan
the cyclone to pick you up
from your perfect plot and
mow down your picket fence
and loose the horses.

"...you can believe whatever you want to."
and i do ...
indeed.

i see doors people need unlocked and
i have a mighty ring of keys.

~’~

march 24, 2008
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tea leaves for tendrils
date: Jun 17th, 2008 11:53:53 pm - Subscribe



ten·dril (těn'drəl) n.
- a twisting, threadlike structure by which a twining plant grasps an object or a plant for support.


i read your palm without ever seeing your hand...
and i'll tell you the half of it.
the rest will have to wait and see
...if you ask me.
you insist there is no reason to
but still your mind stays glued
on the ended possibilities
you were too scared
to believe.

i'll start by telling you the tale
we never got around to...
just playing sally
down your alley
you took it too seriously
and withdrew
a test
was the "deep-see" fishing
you passed
then failed recess

now this line
was never to be crossed
but you must have turned
and tossed
into early maturity
to fill another need
you've still refused to fill, indeed.
see, secrecy was everything,
and this game important to
material captivity.
...at least that's what i see when
you saw jeopardy.

this line is your line of retreat...
instead of on to your beach martinis
it branches off,
a tree of endless complications,
no vacations, and the end of
perfect, perfect things,
but i cannot say more as to
the chance of change
as that is still your call
and the record shows, you'll
likely proceed to
haltingly
follow along.

and if you stretch your hand
wide enough to cover the view
of all the world but the plot
you answer to
then you can see
the line you toe
the line you don't see below.
the line you can't get beyond.
the line you will hang yourself on.
now that the chance has gone.

~'~

jan. 28, 2008.
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and then...
date: Mar 25th, 2008 5:46:40 pm - Subscribe
mood: mercurial


you will arrive here someday
looking for a clue or two
a hint that i might miss you
and suppose i do...
what then?
are you finally aware
or still scared of
your own shadow?
so timorous, you turned
a tease into a terror
and a reason to never
think of things outside
your designated limitations.
you needed.
you need.
else you would not be
here looking for me
and hoping, somehow,
you are somewhat less intrigued
somewhat less bereaved of
the what ifs and what isses
and the misreads...
a blind man could see you
not move a breath and
dive into the depths of
the coldest sea in your soul
when i touch you
your voice hiding hope of
something unhoped for
not in the plan
the cyclone to pick you up
from your perfect plot and
mow down your picket fence
and loose the horses.

"...you can believe whatever you want to."
and i do ...
indeed.

i see doors people need unlocked and
i have a mighty ring of keys.

~’~
others' words: (0)


carry-on
date: Dec 17th, 2007 3:40:24 pm - Subscribe
mood: ~'~


....the first half of this piece has been lost to the data gremlins.

...

red-flagged
surplus
baggage.

the trunks are
drifting out to sea
as we
try to
lighten the load.

i have but one
carry-on
which has
been tagged
valueless.

roughage
steerage
baggage.


May 2, 2007
others' words: (0)


inexplicable
date: Dec 17th, 2007 3:39:19 pm - Subscribe
mood: ~'~


expected rejection
but he assumes the "no" is the whole of it
when the "no" is no part of it.
it was the other thing
he said...
i thought you'd flip
like a switch
instead
my adoration marked
misdirected meaningless.
expected rejection
because the yes would have been met
with nothing more than jest, perhaps
a little less.


Jul 16th, 2007 2:48:44 am
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snake charmer
date: Dec 17th, 2007 3:37:17 pm - Subscribe
mood: ~'~


i am hypnotized as
you stare through my eyes
straight to my warm, hidden parts
where i am still in tune to you
i sway and swoon
and look away before you do.


Oct 14th, 2007 10:52:30 pm
others' words: (0)


spurious
date: Dec 17th, 2007 3:36:34 pm - Subscribe
mood: ~'~


i could be wrong...

in those moments i assume a synergy
of you and me
and feel the gravitational pull of your
heavenly body
i think, while butterflies dance in my
stomach and eyes,
you are so much better mastering
the disguise

i could be wrong...

in those moments you might be immune
to the spell
is it disdain, desire, loathing, or... nothing?
--- hard to tell
if i think and analyze the lack
of reaction and affect
the translation is still lost in if and but
and yet

i could be wrong.


Oct 15th, 2007 3:56:11 am
others' words: (0)


untitled
date: Dec 17th, 2007 3:35:58 pm - Subscribe
mood: ~'~


i miss
those mission moments
of stolen asides and
smoke break rendezvous
with no intentions to do anything
but breathe out breathe in
and not touch you


Oct 17th, 2007 6:51:47 am
others' words: (0)


malingering
date: Nov 13th, 2007 8:19:26 pm - Subscribe
mood: ~'~


i miss us.
you can say, 'there was no us'...
because you cannot see
the undefined still is, not by definition
but by this
thing inside that says,
'you're stupid...but not wrong.'
i miss
early morning messages that belied
your need to not think
to not think of me, especially
and the real sin
is that i let you
not let me.
i've gotten pretty good at hiding
the sorrow that crosses me
like fingernails on flesh
raw and insolent and mean
better yet at misdirection
make you believe you don't move me
or anyone can move me
i can be moved
by anything
you believe
wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong
i scream with eyes that reach nothing
and hands that can't touch you
and, you're right, i don't love you
what would be the point?

Nov 11th, 2007 11:21:10 pm
others' words: (0)


swan song
date: May 1st, 2007 5:46:34 pm - Subscribe
mood: foolish


it's been almost three years...
two since i stopped being silent...
one since the near miss...

there's "nicotine" on the way home
and i don't cry anymore
instead, i revel in the irony of
a song dead on

i watch your fingers as
my pandora's box snaps closed
for i still would not injure you...

and
i could no more help wanting you than
you could help not wanting me to.

selah.


Apr 26th, 2007 10:53:20 pm
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en garde
date: May 1st, 2007 5:45:59 pm - Subscribe
mood: mercurial


batton down the hatches,
as they say...
board up the windows
install deadbolts and
double-thick blinds
reset the security system
and use razor-wire
atop your unscalable wall
and train the dogs.

hang garlic cloves and
sharpen stakes and
invest in holy water,
crosses, and exorcists
cover your mirrors
memorize bible verses
and whatever you do
don't spill the salt.


(the overkill is flattery
for the beast who had
yet to even bare her teeth
but now...
now she sees the artery.)


Apr 10th, 2007 10:21:49 am

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offal
date: May 1st, 2007 5:45:16 pm - Subscribe
mood: wretched


this week
i've thrown out five songs,
seven sticky-note memo lists,
two dozen half-composed messages,
eleven mini-chocolate bar wrappers,
a worn out pair of shoes no longer
fit for sailing, and
any shred of hope...
desire is harder to dispose of
properly
recycled
fabricated, i.e. -
combined of standardized parts -
like cheap thai take-out
after a trip to bangkok's five-stars
grasping at chopsticks
coming up short in your mirage
it's neither here nor there, really
nor am i


Mar 30th, 2007 7:08:13 am
others' words: (0)


invisible ink
date: May 1st, 2007 5:44:41 pm - Subscribe
mood: invisible


watch this magic trick...

i can disappear
before your eyes
before you notice
before you feel my distance
and feel the twinge of
lost attention
unsolicited.

i can disappear
between the lines
from which i came
before you've chance to read
or feel a thing about
my selfish
generosity.

i can disappear
out of mind,
if not of sight,
a mind made up to shut,
shut up, shut out, end trans...
unaffected
disconnection.

...before your eyes
i can disappear.


Mar 22nd, 2007 3:58:22 am
others' words: (0)


witch haiku #4
date: May 1st, 2007 5:44:02 pm - Subscribe
mood: desolate


lilith patient waits
fruit dripping from her fingers
for the moment when.


Mar 6th, 2007 11:35:47 pm
others' words: (0)



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