History...
Date: Oct 5th, 2008 12:10:27 am - Subscribe
Mood: reserved
... it always repeats itself. Even in one's personal life. They discover that no matter what they have learned from their previous experience, it won't prevent this event from not happening. Different scenarios, same ending: Alot of backstabbing, alot of being used, and alot of being hurt.
I just realized now that I got rejected? I have no idea what is going on, I thought I was progressing in my life, maybe I'm over analytical... maybe I'm not...
Really now... people constantly ask me, they constantly tell me "you two are cute", "you two always cuddle"... WHAT THE HELL. I'm too confused to even finish typing the pointless thoughts racing through my head. I've been over and over the events that have occured in the previous days and weeks in my head. Each time from a different angle... and I really don't know what to conclude. People say that its lies... but i'm already accepting defeat. Not very gracefully, i might add... but accepting defeat nonetheless.
Who seriously reads these long blogs? Its for my own personal gain, actually. Everytime I've ever began a journal I've always had the same thought in my mind "People are going to read this when I do... people are going to read this and wonder 'what the hell is this girl thinking?' "
No one is unique... we are all human.
The bigger they are, the harder they fall. I've realized that I'm living life with my heart, not by head. I always listen to my emotions, and not by rational reasoning.
Life sucks. Why do i rant about the same topic? Because... because...
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Later, Alligator
Date: Aug 7th, 2008 11:48:30 am - Subscribe
Mood: animated
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I Love you
Date: Jul 26th, 2008 7:29:24 pm - Subscribe
Mood: psycho
But I'm losing you, and in the midst of it I'm losing myself.
I'm still trying to understand what caused the change from then to now.
You wonder why I question everything? Maybe because I can't take it for granted, I have to understand.
I want what I can't have. I don't want to, but why won't the emotion go away? My powers of surpression are waning.
I'm going crazy. I need a distraction. I need a hug.
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Screw me,
Date: Jul 20th, 2008 10:40:43 pm - Subscribe
Mood: pumped
Right?
I'm nervous
Nervous as hell. I've realized the mistake i've done, and the possible outcomes of it, none of which seem very bright.
I read a quote today, I dont exactly remember it, but it went something like "...knowing which bridges to cross and which to burn" and i can honestly say I don't want this bridge to burn, yet I don't know what will happen if I keep it there, I want the bridge to stay.
Maybe its not about me, maybe its about someone else. It is about someone else, who am I kidding. Maybe I'm going crazy. I'm not that special. I'm never that special. That's why I refrain from doing alot of things, from showing everyone my true emotions. I'm scared, terrified. What will they think. Oh dear I'm so nervous. I let my emotions get the best of me, cloud my thinking.
Its past my bedtime. Yes, 10 40 is late, especially when you have nothing better to do. I want to talk. I have nothing to talk about, that's why I unintentionally create drama, so I can talk to people. My life is so boring. i dont even make sense to myself anymore.
I'm going out tomorrow, and I'm going to like it.
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That shirt looks very becoming on you...
Date: Jul 19th, 2008 11:34:23 pm - Subscribe
Mood: hella
Sure, its a gross pick up line, but no one will eVer get what it means. I dont even think my friend gets it.
An a side note.. a bunch of us were playing apples to apples today and at the green card "feminine" i put down "doing the dishes". I feel that, as a woman, i'm required to be a feminist, but thing is, i love making fun of myself and my gender as much as I love making fun of other people. Am I such a bad person?
I think I'm in love with nerds. People like to date from one sort of "social clique", and I think mine is the nerdy kids. I realized this when I went to a midnight showing and was surronded by them. For some reason, the atmosphere was extremely friendly, as if everyone was bonded by the same desire to see the movie, and there were no enemies. I feel like I'm rambling nonsense.
Who reads this shit anyway? Its just tired writings of a tired mind. And what in the world does "hella" mean. (Note: look at my mood)
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