I don't have TV channels and I never read the newspapers, but tonight I stumbled upon some sort of news website and I ended up reading their top stories for a few hours. It was really disturbing how the majority of the articles were about murders, especially children murdering their friends, brothers, sisters, parents. It makes me sad that this world is so fucking retarded. I know I can't change everything, but I'm not going to let anybody such as my dad discourage me from trying to make a difference.

I think humanity is sinking lower and lower, along with everything else in this world. We're in definite need of a superman right now - or perhaps a supergirl. I think I'll devote my life to making change to the world. I have a lot of dreams and there are a lot of things I personally want to achieve in my life... but none of those things I need. Change, though, is something the world really really needs. I don't want to be selfish, because I think the majority of North America already exceeds in selfishness. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to achieve anything big yet, but I know I'm going to start small.

Oh no! I just remembered that I was supposed to enter a photo into that photo contest online. Ugh. I'm good at putting things on lists but never actually doing them. Damn, the more I notice my habits and flaws, the more I realize why I'm so fucked up emotionally. I'm always trying to fix my life but my failures always bring me down. I guess I really haven't been giving my all after all. That's okay though..! I think I'm just getting too ahead of myself and thinking that I can make everything better in a day. I have time still.. why do I keep forgetting that? How come on days where I have little spare time, I think of plenty of things I would wish to accomplish in that day but can't.. and then on days where I have the day off, I stray off doing something not productive at all. In both situations, I feel bad at the end of the day.

I've put so much effort into being organized and it's still not enough. I've made countless lists either on paper, on my computer, or in my cell phone. I always forget about them. This list thing has almost become a part of me now. I write them almost on a daily basis some weeks. I can't think of a different solution to getting things done, so I think I have to find a way to make one giant list that I can access anywhere and edit too. I can't use my computer, it's a desktop. I can't use my cellphone because my parents still don't know about it. I'd hate to use paper because all my other lists get lost, messy, crumpled or ripped. If only I had some sort of hand held digital tool!

Anyways, tomorrow is Valentines day and it's going to be the first one where I'll be celebrating with a boyfriend. Well I wouldn't call it celebrating because I'm not really going to be celebrating anything. Even though we're going to be having Dinner somewhere, the best part is that Kevin's parents are on vacation for another week or so.

I hope it's a good one, I can't wait.

P.S. I hate making artwork that doesn't appeal to me. I realized how bothered I am by it. I just made an artwork that I don't really like and I feel like I can't destroy it because I would feel like I wasted my time making it. I'll probably end up fixing it tomorrow. I always do that! During the past few months I've been realizing how much I am of a perfectionist when it comes to my things. I'm trying to change that about me because I noticed on countless occasions where I spent time trying to make something "perfect" or "better" or "my own", even though it was completely fine to begin with.

I also noticed that I blog a lot about getting to know myself better. I guess I could label this a blog about self-discovery.

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