Things are good! I feel like I have too many things that I'm slacking off at though! I wish I had more time to myself.

On facebook there's always new groups about teenagers who died. It reminds me about how fragile life is and that any day could be my last day and I won't even know it. It helps me remember that in a life this short, there's no time for sadness or negative thoughts.

I really do think I've grown up a little the past few months. I care more about people, and I value everything more than ever before. It's almost as if I'm "more awake". It's strange though. I'm a lot better at caring for others, but I realized that the people around me seem to care less about me.

Take Bilal for example. After all the ups and downs in our friendship, we finally hung out again (with Douglas) and we chilled in my room for a little. He saw my flikflak watch sitting on my desk (I use it for work) and he asks if he can have it. Although I didn't like the watch a lot, it was a $40 watch, and I just really needed a watch for work, so I told him that. I mentioned that I work in 3 days and he said he'll give me one by then. I let him have the watch, and of course I never got a new one from him by the time I worked again. I caught him online on facebook chat soon after that and I reminded him about the watch. He didn't reply (he seems to ignore me a lot on facebook chat). So after that I decided to write on his wall so that I knew he would see it. The next time I caught him online I clicked on his profile and my wall post was deleted, which is something he does after he reads posts. He didn't reply or anything though.

This whole thing isn't about the value of the watch though, I could get a cheap watch somewhere else. It's about the fact that I reunited with a friend, and we said good things to each other and hoped to both be good friends again. Then he takes something from me, which I made clear that I need, and he ignores me when I ask him about it even though he himself said he'd get me a new one. To me that seems selfish. He's not considering my needs or my feelings at all.

I guess I'm rambling so much because I feel like I set myself up for this one. I completely forgot how selfish and careless he is. I don't think these are the kind of people I want to be friends with. I guess I'm just disappointed. I keep looking for good people to befriend and I just keep finding people who don't give a fuck about anyone or anything. What a great fucking generation.

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