An Update on Life [12.04.2007]
Date: Dec 4th, 2007 2:07:35 pm - Subscribe
Mood: freezing

It's been a while since I've posted, but it wasn't for lack of resources. I just forgot to keep up to date with what was going on. I suppose I hardly update my Aeonity anymore because my friends are no longer reading it like they used to. And in the end I guess that I don't usually like writing things that people aren't reading. [That makes me a bit of an attention whore, doesn't it? Oh well.]

My father's boss begged him to come back to work, so my father got his job back about 4 days after he quit. Which was great for the family. And he got some of his problems fixed with his boss. So he likely won't pull another stupid stunt like quitting again.

I've been busy with work. When I'm not working I'm talking to Nicole or sleeping.

I've been so tired lately. All I want to do is sleep. x_x It's awful.
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Stressful Times [11.03.2007]
Date: Nov 3rd, 2007 5:55:16 pm - Subscribe
Mood: desolate
Yaoi Fix: Not really in the mood.

My father quit his job yesterday. Money is going to be tight with only my mom bringing in an income between my parents. I have my own money to buy my clothes and stuff like that, but our family just won't have much money until my dad gets another job.

He did it so close to Christmas, the budget is going to be tight for the holiday season. It's hard, I guess. We may not have a Christmas.

I'm furious at my father for quitting on an impulse. And now that he's thinking about it, he's begun to realize that he really fucked up. But that won't take away the fact that he quit. He can't take that back. He had a good reason to quit, I know that, but he should have thought about all the consequences before he quit his job.

And my brother is depressed right now, or sick. Or something. I just don't know. He's hardly eating and all he does is sleep now. I don't know what do to about him and neither does my mom.

There's so much stress right now.

And my father might start complaining about wanting to move to Louisiana. There's no way that my mom, brother, and I are moving. So my mom started looking into apartments, so in case my dad starts being an ass we can leave him and move into an apartment.

I don't know how things will turn out.
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Staying Awake [10.12.2007]
Date: Oct 12th, 2007 2:19:51 pm - Subscribe
Mood: ITCHY. THROAT. </3
Yaoi Fix: Leon/Kyle

Apologies in advance for this entry being all over the place.

I'm at work now and I'm feeling... Eh. Exhausted? That's not the word I'm looking for. Detached? Uninterested? Unresponsive?

I don't know. I feel like a shell that's just cranking out work by instinct alone. Maybe I feel slightly mechanical?

Maybe it's the medicine making me feel this way - holding me back from the brink of sleep. When I took the Sudafed last night, I was tired. Ten minutes after I took it, I was wide awake and wired until 4 something morning. And what little sleep I finally did get was full of tossing back and forth and strange dreams that I was somehow slightly awake for.

I can't explain it. I felt almost delirious while I was sleeping. Maybe I had a fever? I just don't know. I don't want to think.

I think I'll stay away from Sudafed after this. Just to be safe, since it could be causing this strange state of being. It can't just be lack of sleep.

I feel nauseous. And that word doesn't look like it's spelled correctly, but it is.

The office is cold - freezing. I wish I'd dressed in layers. My fingers ache from the cold in their joints. Heh, I sound like and olby whining like this.

I'm glad that Nicole doesn't mind my whining. I really am. She makes me so happy, really - she's so sweet to me. I sometimes feel as though life wouldn't be kind enough to give me such good fortune. But maybe I did something right to deserve Nicole. Just maybe. And I'm so glad that she likes me.

It would have been awkward if she hadn't. One-sided crushes are never a fun thing, honestly. I know that I would have eventually given up if she hadn't felt the same towards me. But as it turns out, I was lucky in liking her and confessing. She never would have made the first move, so it's good that I have a little more initiative than her in some things.

What all is there to stay? Nicole is simply... One of the best things that has happened to me in a long time. I don't want to get sappy about it, but I really feel so lucky to have met her. Gaia will always hold importance for me because of that. If not for Gaia and its silly events, I never would have met and talked to her. I'm a lucky cunt that she decided to come back and post in my thread after having left it. I at first figured she was just a "post and leave" kind of person. And at the time, she was. But she came back a while later. Good thing, too. <3 Something about her made me want to stop being whimsical about relationships.

My mother, who is opposed to my being a lesbian, even seems to like Nicole. She doesn't fight me on the subject. She doesn't scoff or roll her eyes when I smile and giggle and get giddy about Nicole. She teases me about it, which means she must be somewhat comfortable. All I can hope for is that my mom will gradually accept me for who and what I am, and accept Nicole as the person that I am 100% interested in right now. That's the best that I can hope for. I've already asked so much of her by coming out.

I'm sorry that this entry is probably getting pretty long, or going to get pretty long. But I need to keep my mind working so that I'm not just going through the day without really thinking. I'll make mistakes on my work, and I can't afford those.

I think coffee is helping me stay awake. And I ate lunch, so that definitely helped to give me a boost of energy. I'm not in such a weird mood now, which is definitely a good thing.

I'm talking to one of Nicole's friends that she introduced me to. ^^ I'm really excited, because she approves of me for Nicole and everything. x3 Always exciting to get that kind of thing.

And I'm waiting for Nicole to get on. o: Haven't seen her yet - she's probably still sleeping.

Eck. I'm starting to lose my voice. D: Sucks so bad. Hopefully it'll get better before it gets worse. Hopefully.

Just two more hours of work. Thank everything that is good and wonderful. <3

Now that I'm somewhat back to my normal self, my work is becoming tiresome. And I have a headache but no medicine to take for it. I need to carry my Excedrin around for times like these.

I think... My eyesight is a little whacked, now. Xx I keep seeing pink in my letters, amidst the black font. Weird. Eck. I need sleep.

Eeeee. Nicole is online. ^^ So I'm going to draw this entry to a close so that I can talk to her and stuff.
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Getting Worse [10.12.2007]
Date: Oct 12th, 2007 8:13:43 am - Subscribe
Mood: stuffy
Yaoi Fix: I want bond[z] back from Vinny

I started getting sick two days ago. With what, I'm not sure, but I'm gathering from the symptoms that it's just a common cold.

I didn't feel too bad on Wednesday, but it's been going downhill from there. Today I woke up feeling magnificently awful. I stayed home from work yesterday in hopes that by sleeping a lot I'd get better quicker.

I wish I'd known that I'd feel worse today. I would have waited to take off. I took some 24-hour Sudafed thing which isn't working. But because it'll be in my system until midnight, I can't take anything else for the symptoms for fear of mixing meds that shouldn't be mixed.

I hate being sick. I really don't like it.

I have to go to work now, though. I've only had 4 hours of sleep, so I'll probably drink coffee today.
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Willing To Wait [10.09.2007]
Date: Oct 9th, 2007 12:57:59 am - Subscribe
Mood: tormented
Yaoi Fix: AxA

Due to decisions made by Nicole's parents, I won't be getting to see her until the summer. I was hoping for a December visit, but neither of her parents felt comfortable with it. Nor did my mother, for that matter.

Her parents still haven't given a final okay on my being able to come. But I hope that they cave and let me come to visit. It means so much to me. And to Nicole. I know she's upset about it, and although I know it's probably better that we wait a while longer, I want her to be happy. But that would mean I need to be there. But I can't yet. And just...

It's difficult to see her sad and not be able to remedy the reason for it. All I can do is just try to make her smile and put her in a good mood.

Feeling so helpless is weird for me. I'm not used to it. I suppose it comes from the distance between Nicole and myself. It's hard not to be able to see her face to face every day.

I want to be able to so desperately. I've never been so willing to wait on someone. It's crazy. It's not logical. But for some reason I can't keep myself from doing it. I care about her so much.
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