We try so hard not to die. [10.03.2007]
Date: Oct 3rd, 2007 10:37:07 pm - Subscribe
Mood: upset
Yaoi Fix: I don't want one right now.
Brandon S. Elam passed on last night at 11:37. He was a boy I went to school with. He had cancer, and he's been fighting it as long as he possibly could. Just sixteen years old and now he's gone.
I want to say that life is so, so unfair. But I think that Brandon lived a much fuller life than I could ever imagine living.
I saw him once or twice, and the times that I did he was more cheerful and optimistic than anyone I'd ever met before. To be so happy and know that you're going to die too young... That takes more courage and strength than I think most people can even hope of having.
We try so hard not to die, sometimes we forget to appreciate life.
Brandon didn't forget that, I don't think.
There are so many things I wish I could say, but right now I'm just too upset to form the right words.
His death just reinforces the fact that life can take people at such young ages. It scares me. Last year Brandon Withers died - only seventeen, and now Brandon Elam who's been fighting cancer for three years - who was only sixteen when he died.
I can't think of anything else to say. The tears just won't stop flowing for a boy that I hardly knew.
I'm glad that he's in a better place now. I'm glad he no longer has to feel pain. But he will always be remember for his vigorous fight against his disease. He will forever be revered by those who knew him at Porter Ridge.
He fought a wonderful battle, and now he's chilling with angels as his reward. Or something like that.
♥ R.I.P. Brandon S. Elam ♥
College [09.17.2007]
Date: Sep 18th, 2007 2:40:40 am - Subscribe
Mood: perplexed
Yaoi Fix: AschLuke
I don't know where I want to go to college yet. I need to figure it out soon. I need to call about Financial Aid, to see how much money I can borrow for college.
Bleah.
I'm retaking the SAT in November or December. Somewhere around there.
Here are my school options.
University of North Carolina - Charlotte
University of Alaska - Anchorage
Central Piedmont Community College
I really want to go to UAA, but it's expensive going there if you're out of state. I need to see how much they'll cover for me per semester that I can pay back when I graduate.
Community College would honestly be my best option. It's cheapest, and I can still work a lot.
I just want to move out and be on my own.
I don't know what I'm going to do yet. Hopefully I'll have it figured out by sometime in October.
I want to go see Nicole. >:
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Hopeless [09.13.2007]
Date: Sep 13th, 2007 4:14:58 pm - Subscribe
Mood: wishful
Yaoi Fix: None. Just... Nicole.
I feel completely and utterly hopeless as of a few days ago.
I haven't gotten the butterfly effect in my stomach since Junior year of high school with Holly, my ex.
I've been so happy being free and boundless of commitment. I haven't wanted to tie myself down in such a long time, before I even dated Holly. I've been whimsical and flighty with relationships, never wanting to stay confined to them.
But for the first time in years, I want to make a commitment to someone. I want to be tied down to one person. I don't want to run away from a relationship.
I realized it a few days ago, when my mother mentioned to me that every time I talked to my friend Nicole, I was all smiles and never a frown. I was told I was practically glowing.
I'm such an easy read when I crush for someone.
I like her so much. It's not love yet. It's too early for that. But it's enough of a basis for a relationship.
My feelings aren't one-sided.
I confessed to her a day or so ago, because I felt wrong not telling her. What kind of friend would I be to not reveal such a crucial truth?
She told me that if we lived closer to each other, she would definitely want to take the risk of forming a relationship with me.
But therein lies our biggest obstacle. She lives in Alaska.
I live in North Carolina.
That's nearly 4500 miles. To get there by car, it would take roughly 75 to 76 hours.
She doesn't want to put me through the pain of long distance. I don't want to put her through the pain of long distance.
What is there to do when you and a person care for each other?
There a planes that go between, but it would be expensive to do that.
I'm feeling hopeless.
---
It's been a short forever since I posted on Aeonity.
I forgot about it during school, once it was blocked via to the servers.
A lot has happened since then.
I came to the realization that I'm not bi, but rather completely and totally gay.
I came out to my brother and mom.
I came out to my school.
I graduated.
I didn't enter into college with everyone else I knew. I'm waiting until January.
I've got a job, and I'm working full time.
I fell out with Emily. We are no longer friends.
I didn't move out of my house after graduation.
I miss Jane since she went off to college.
I met Nicole, and we hit it off so well.
That's it, in a nutshell.
For those who don't know me, and those who don't remember, my introduction is in my profile.
~Jellyfish.
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School [02.05.2007]
Date: Feb 5th, 2007 12:56:12 pm - Subscribe
Mood: bitchy
Yaoi Fix: ;o; ;o; Alucard x Aya
I'm having a really hard time getting into the second semester. I mean, it should be easy and everything.
Except for the fact that the school put me in Parenting and Child Development. I never asked to be put in the class, and at first only agreed to it because I wasn't aware that I'd be force to carry around a stupid fake baby.
Don't get me wrong.
I LOVE children. I can't wait to become a teacher for elementary school.
However, there is a huge difference between a real child and a baby with batteries.
I have a natural urge to feed a baby when it's hungry, change it when it's dirty, and provide it with all the love it needs.
I wouldn't do such things for a fake baby. Because they don't require nourishment. And I don't have any natural urge to do it.
Besides. I'm a big ol' bitch who doesn't want to be woken up in the middle of the night by a crying plastic doll. I don't plan on getting pregnant any time soon. I don't need to take a class on what happens if I do. -_-
Ugh. Stupid. Useless. School.
Oh, and my English teacher seems to think we're elementary and middle schoolers who obviously need to draw pictures to depict our vocabulary. Because that's totally going to help us remember.
Ugh. I need to get all of my make up work done.
I took Friday off because I was exhausted and couldn't get any quality sleep until the middle of the day.
Thursday was a snow day. So I kind of had a four day weekend. Which was pretty nice. I'm not looking forward to classes again. Feh.
Anyway. I'll wrap this entry up, since I'll be headed to school in a few minutes.
I'll try to update again.
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Passing [01.20.2007]
Date: Jan 20th, 2007 5:42:22 pm - Subscribe
Mood: tired
Yaoi Fix: Sync/Ion from Tales of the Abyss
Because of school being cancelled on Thursday, I haven't had to take my Latin and Psychology exams.
Yesterday I took my Computer Apps I exam and my Forensics exam.
I'm sure that I passed Computer Apps with an easy A.
I made an 85 on my Forensics exam, which is understandable considering while I was studying I got side-tracked into drawing cute shoujo-ai. X3~
Oh. And I'm pissed at my ex-boyfriend.
He is SUCH a fucking douchebag.
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