Staying Awake [10.12.2007]
Date: Oct 12th, 2007 7:19:51 pm - Subscribe
Mood: ITCHY. THROAT. </3
Yaoi Fix: Leon/Kyle
Apologies in advance for this entry being all over the place.
I'm at work now and I'm feeling... Eh. Exhausted? That's not the word I'm looking for. Detached? Uninterested? Unresponsive?
I don't know. I feel like a shell that's just cranking out work by instinct alone. Maybe I feel slightly mechanical?
Maybe it's the medicine making me feel this way - holding me back from the brink of sleep. When I took the Sudafed last night, I was tired. Ten minutes after I took it, I was wide awake and wired until 4 something morning. And what little sleep I finally did get was full of tossing back and forth and strange dreams that I was somehow slightly awake for.
I can't explain it. I felt almost delirious while I was sleeping. Maybe I had a fever? I just don't know. I don't want to think.
I think I'll stay away from Sudafed after this. Just to be safe, since it could be causing this strange state of being. It can't just be lack of sleep.
I feel nauseous. And that word doesn't look like it's spelled correctly, but it is.
The office is cold - freezing. I wish I'd dressed in layers. My fingers ache from the cold in their joints. Heh, I sound like and olby whining like this.
I'm glad that Nicole doesn't mind my whining. I really am. She makes me so happy, really - she's so sweet to me. I sometimes feel as though life wouldn't be kind enough to give me such good fortune. But maybe I did something right to deserve Nicole. Just maybe. And I'm so glad that she likes me.
It would have been awkward if she hadn't. One-sided crushes are never a fun thing, honestly. I know that I would have eventually given up if she hadn't felt the same towards me. But as it turns out, I was lucky in liking her and confessing. She never would have made the first move, so it's good that I have a little more initiative than her in some things.
What all is there to stay? Nicole is simply... One of the best things that has happened to me in a long time. I don't want to get sappy about it, but I really feel so lucky to have met her. Gaia will always hold importance for me because of that. If not for Gaia and its silly events, I never would have met and talked to her. I'm a lucky cunt that she decided to come back and post in my thread after having left it. I at first figured she was just a "post and leave" kind of person. And at the time, she was. But she came back a while later. Good thing, too. <3 Something about her made me want to stop being whimsical about relationships.
My mother, who is opposed to my being a lesbian, even seems to like Nicole. She doesn't fight me on the subject. She doesn't scoff or roll her eyes when I smile and giggle and get giddy about Nicole. She teases me about it, which means she must be somewhat comfortable. All I can hope for is that my mom will gradually accept me for who and what I am, and accept Nicole as the person that I am 100% interested in right now. That's the best that I can hope for. I've already asked so much of her by coming out.
I'm sorry that this entry is probably getting pretty long, or going to get pretty long. But I need to keep my mind working so that I'm not just going through the day without really thinking. I'll make mistakes on my work, and I can't afford those.
I think coffee is helping me stay awake. And I ate lunch, so that definitely helped to give me a boost of energy. I'm not in such a weird mood now, which is definitely a good thing.
I'm talking to one of Nicole's friends that she introduced me to. ^^ I'm really excited, because she approves of me for Nicole and everything. x3 Always exciting to get that kind of thing.
And I'm waiting for Nicole to get on. o: Haven't seen her yet - she's probably still sleeping.
Eck. I'm starting to lose my voice. D: Sucks so bad. Hopefully it'll get better before it gets worse. Hopefully.
Just two more hours of work. Thank everything that is good and wonderful. <3
Now that I'm somewhat back to my normal self, my work is becoming tiresome. And I have a headache but no medicine to take for it. I need to carry my Excedrin around for times like these.
I think... My eyesight is a little whacked, now. Xx I keep seeing pink in my letters, amidst the black font. Weird. Eck. I need sleep.
Eeeee. Nicole is online. ^^ So I'm going to draw this entry to a close so that I can talk to her and stuff.
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