Date: Dec 6th, 2010 - Subscribe
you's like hulk with just a little bulk and might i say, quite the looker.
never cheated, never been in a fight, never slept with a hooker.
you're funny, you're annoying, you're quirky, you're charming..
you always open the door and pick up things from the floor..its usually coz i drop stuff..BUTTTT..
i get a sneak at your bum
while you reach for that sum'
that i dropped coz i'm clum..sy
i never have to pick up anything around you, it's amusing
i know you's got my back, cut me some slack i don't mean to be mean. not always.
you don't think i'm fat, you think i'm jiggly. that doesn't makes sense but i think you're silly. i love it
you's fashown, you's a bodyguard, you's my closet geek!
i teach you UFC and cars, you teach me shoes and casual chic
you're so gay sometimes.
the way you treat me is now how i think girls should be treated.
girls crush on you left and right and yet, you're not conceited!
i feel like i one upped and level completed!
lakers rule and miami? DEFEATED, sucka!
but seriously..i never knew a guy could be this good to me..haha!
ME: oh fuck, life sucks... then LADY LUCK!! aaaaand KABOOM! *&!@&!??
WISH GRANTED! i have you with your eyes all slanted, with the L bomb planted, and i couldn't stand it! you came running all outta breath and panted (idk if thats a word) and i thought to myself.."yup..he just landed.." ..nailed it!
then came my L bomb. it may have not been the most graceful way to drop that on you, neither was it at the most appropriate of times but cameron diaz in my best friend's wedding said..
"If you love someone... you say it, right then, out loud. Otherwise... the moment just passes you by."
yup i quoted my best friend's wedding.
now don't go all macho! stop pretending.
you liked that movie, didn't you, ya big ol'softy?
my heart is yours please take care of it.
it's been broken many times before but hell it's got quite the fight in it.
it's a good one, i swear.
you think i look like a care bear.
you're a sasquatch with no happy trail.
WORD TO THE WISE..
(you think i'm weird. i don't mind.
you haven't seen half of it, my concubine)
you gotta look at the world in different perspectives! binoculars are fun, ain't it? we can sit around and spy on the neighbors again!
my world is kaleidoscopes and rock shows.
dreams of the parthenon, sex, and snow!
pantera, alanis, cudi, barry freakin' manilow!
i see colors that have never been made and imagine songs that have never been played
gotta mix it up,babyboo! you'll be surprised with what i'ma get ya to do
I love you like i've loved you forever.
Its an amusement park when we're together.
Yes, i do mean to "accidentally" brush up against you in public.
Its quite a thrill for me when i get away with it. HAHA!
You're my definition of a sweetheart and i hate when we're a part. you've turned me into such a HUGE sap, you like me sitting on your lap, you're so adorable in a cap, i love when you rap (you memorize every goddamn word), you got me walking into your traps and i get so peeved coz your jokes are lame and I LOVE YOU!
you're the best i ever had, sugarballs.
as a little girl, i made a wish on a star to find someone special. i plan on keeping you
a pretty epic one for a pretty epic love
Date: Dec 6th, 2010 - Subscribe
things have changed. it's been so long since i actually took time to read my previous entries. i have been quite the drama queen, haven't i? i didn't intend to keep writing here actually. i wanted to close the book on this. I guess i'm too attached haha!
so much has changed since my last few entries..which were written so long ago.
i kinda like the idea of writing letters as entries. from now on, this is how i'm going to write. feelings that i do let out on this blog are directed at certain people anyway so it only makes sense.. plus it's fun for me haha!
so..for the very last time that you will be mentioned this way..
for you, my forever..
i loved you. please don't get that wrong or forget that i did. i did more than i knew i was ever capable of loving someone..i believed in you. sometimes, for someone to believe in themselves, others must believe in you first. i'm still glad i did.. i did everything i could to make you happy. it took you breaking my heart one last time before i understood that i, too, deserve to be happy.
i was so mad at you. how could you? how could you leave me like that? you've left me before sure..but like that? really? call me dense but i still do not see how you were capable of such given all the years under our belt..and you knew how crazy i was about you..you got complacent..i'm a strong girl, stronger than a lot i know, but wow..did i let you walk all over me..i let you get away with way too much..
you were good to me when you were. i was so in love with you that every bad thing that did happen would quickly be overshadowed by something good.. i didn't care. i was too into the whole idea of our black comedy, our insane dynamic that people would take stabs at but i didn't care.. i didn't care that your temper was terrible.. i didn't care when you were unreasonable.. i didn't care when you would never apologize.. all i cared about was that i was yours and you were mine.
so i thought.
i know loyalty is rare nowadays. i know i've had my conquests but..while we weren't together, that's the difference. it doesnt excuse me but we were on break when drummer boy happened. an indefinite one..
last year, with mr. bigtime lawyer? man, i didn't even think we had any chance for reconciliation then. both guys, i manage to tell you about when we did decide to work it out. you never asked me what went on and i'm glad you respected my.. privacy? (damn, i dont know if that's even the right term for it)..but you?..you never mentioned squat, love.. it also seemed to slip your mind that when you did have your escapades and whatnot, i was still your girlfriend..i don't even know how many there are..
i felt so stupid when i found out. i felt so..ugly..so insufficient..you knew how sensitive i was after you went for the cheerio.. you saw how much that hurt me.. 'til this very day, that is the worst beating my heart has ever taken.. and honey, i have an intense father..but you take the cake.
(i'm glad i choose to write this now. the entries before this were pretty violent, i'm glad they're made private. it's not something i'd want people to see.)
i'm not mad anymore. i'm not indifferent. if anything and despite everything, i miss you.. i know that you wouldn't be up for making friends anytime soon especially given how everything turned out but hey, you are and always will be a big part of my life. i grew with you. it just.. didn't work out..
i honestly think i was more surprised than you were..i mean, you left me, sweets..and a lot..i never did..and i'd chase you no fail..so imagine my shock, when my love for you just..disappeared..i stopped chasing.
it all happened so unexpectedly. i do want to apologize for having hurt you. you tired me out, dear..i was outta gas. i couldn't even if i tried. but i did for a bit if you recall, you just kept pushing me away. i didn't find someone new right away. you seemed much more over me than i was with you..then things started happening for me and..twas gone..just like that..
"relationships are like glass. sometimes it's better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together." i never really got that quote. i was always so "if you're not willing to risk it all, you don't want it bad enough" but i did, ed.. i risked it all for you over and over. and then i had nothing left. i was out..
and then..i found someone who nursed me back to life. i'm so sorry that it stings as much as it does. believe me, i know how it feels. but please...please understand..you said you do but i don't know for certain..i'd rather you not do that whole "i deserve this. i was bad to you" bull..it's not that..you're making it sound like i went for it to spite you..it just wasn't meant to be anymore..i'm so sorry..
i wanna be your friend. i've talked to people. i've had mixed feelings towards my wanting to be your friend but the way i see it, you have to forgive to forget and you have to forget to feel again..i was so mad at you. i wanted to remain mad at you but i can't na..i realized how irrelevant my anger was whenever my wish made me smile..my weesh..and he makes me smile a lot.
i'm happy..i've forgiven you..i'm not forgetting what you did but i'm forgetting every pain i ever went through with you..its a clean slate..
you don't apologize a lot..but i'm glad you did that last time..it meant a lot to me..i believe you're sincere..we can and should be friends..we've seen it in the past, we make awesome friends..i wouldn't want that to go to waste..clean slate,man..
and yes, i've been happy. you told me that that's all you could hope for for me. and i am.. and i guess i'm glad you're never going to be able to read this because i think i owe a lot of who i am to you. that may sound so -for lack of a better term- kupal but i mean it. you made me stronger..you made me smarter..i know now how big my heart can be..i am not conceited..i don't go off with that whole "ang haba ng hair ko" shit but i know, ed, malaki puso ko..mahaba pasensya ko..hindi na ako papayag na aabusuhin ako ng taong minamahal ko..
now..i'm not in a rush to be your friend again, ok? i just wish you knew. i really really do. you aren't allowing me to speak to you so this is as close as i can get to letting you know my sentiments..
i will always love you, you know..you were my first love.
i wish you all the best..i know how amazing you can be as well!! but your amazing wasn't for me anymore..you will make a girl very very happy one day, i'm sure of it the girl you will love the way i loved you will be the girl that changes your life. and you will find her. i know it.
magic 8 ball
Date: Jun 16th, 2010 - Subscribe
Mood: answer me this
again, we are here. it's as if you've never really learned, doll. i am stronger now and that's a fact. i'm sure you've noticed. other than that though, what have you noticed? do you see me flinch when you turn away? i try so hard to keep a straight face. shouldn't you know by now, what i'm actually feeling? or have you let that get passed you too? have you completely forgotten who i am or what i supposedly mean to you?
i wonder if you'd miss me if i made this easier for the both of us. would you remember the good that you so exceptionally disregarded? or would you rather keep this shit up? loathing my flaws.
you're not so perfect yourself, angel.
the difference between you and me, i accept you, all of you, whole heartedly and love even your imperfections.
could it be your pride? is it something so important to you that you must prioritize your own ego with the risk of losing what you know can and has been making you happy? i know about pride. i'm all about pride. but somehow, it's always been a different case with you. i find that i don't need to be this brave, bold, domino harvey character with you. you are who i can be at my most vulnerable with. i have demolished the walls i had built in my growing years for the one person i allowed to get this close to me.
so do not give me that bull about pride.
or could it be..good grief..another ms.another? yes, it's crossed my mind. i can not even come close to explaining how i UNDERSTAND temptation..and through a lot of trial and error, i've learned to draw a line between thinking about it and actually doing it. i love you too much..but if this proves to be a round 2 with the kind of crap you threw at me 2 and a half years ago, i'm leaving your ass, skidmark.
i haven't cried. it's a feat for me. i know i'm stronger now fo'sho. what you're doing is frustrating more than anything but it is gradually hurting me. instead of sulking though, i'm finding i want to do things that would make me happy, make me laugh, make me forget your selfishness and for the lack of a better term, douchebaggery.
and because you have forbidden me to speak to you - as if you were the goddamn prince of bangladesh or something, i can only ask all my questions and make my assumptions here. here, where i don't find any solutions and just end up acknowledging how much you are getting to me.
i'm glad i have my friends. i'm glad that i have the pride and dignity to not allow the cut to get too deep. so yeah, you don't have to worry about me, baby. you're the one without enough balls to step up and say what you need to say.
i'm so close to just making this a done deal...and probably breaking down's a close second..but with the former, i am deathly afraid of the possible consequences that i choose not to weigh at the moment..and with the latter, sweetie, i just don't wanna come off as that pathetic girl again..i wanna be michael corleone, not freddy..
i've done what i can, i've tried as much as i see fit...so the ball's in your court now..sucks that you have that advantage...but honestly, love, in this episode we're in, i don't know if i'm willing to play with you..
Date: Feb 15th, 2010 - Subscribe
Mood: with a cape made from dusty drapes
what if i had super powers? that would be EPIC. nights like these.. and i find nothing interesting to do, i can jump like hayden christensen in jumper and go to egypt..or amsterdam! ...hell i can go to a freakin 711 for all i care, at least the change of venue would keep me excited about something.
or maybe i could just fly. flight would be interesting.. except for the fact that i get motion sickness at times and i probably tinkle more often than most girls do..i'd probably need to bring jingle bags just in case..i can keep them in those compartment contraptions the super heroes have..cape..no..i meant utility belt..fail..
i wouldn't want one of those powers where you could see the future or read minds or anythin like that..too risky of a super power..and not as fun as the previous mentioned two..it'd be scary..hearing everybody's thoughts..i'd probably find out soooo many things..i wouldn't know how to handle all the shit..
or like Rogue. from X-men. god that would suck too. everyone i'd touch would get there life sucked outta them..i'd be walking death..but not like a zombie..i'd cause the death..i can't have sex..i'd have no friends..dayum
oh..and hulk..that wouldnt work..my breasts would look like giant green watermelons..and i'd run out of clothes..
i'm not too sure about being a part of the power rangers either ..they don't have super powers perse but they know martial arts and got this killer robot that fights off huge ass monsters ..but then again ..there'd need to be huge ass monsters for me to kill to be able to use the robot with all its glory ..and its not a very practical vehicle if i'd just wanna go to, lets say, a friend's house ..and parking would be a bitch..
AHA! i can be the avatar!! that would kick so much ass ..oh..but i can't go to 711 instantaneously ..i'd still need a car ..or a flying aid of some sort ..like aang's..
i am so bored
from a friend
Date: Nov 29th, 2009 - Subscribe
Mood: a love quote that i like..or maybe i like just cause its by bob marley haha!
a quote i do not want to forget so i have to copy paste it..haha..
You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. so don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze her and don't expect more than she can give. smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.
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