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so..i'm confused..let's call them george and charlie. you see, george and i have been together for almost two years now. he and i have been friends for about 5 years. charlie has too been my friend, longer than george has actually. oh but george and charlie are like best friends, closer than i've ever gotten to either of these boys. they've been like brothers since high school. here's where it started to get complicated. george and i reach a little over a year and charlie finds himself falling in love with me. wrong wrong WRONG timing. although, given how much of a prick george can be sometimes, charlie had a solid chance then. i brushed it off though, finding my love for george is far too great to lose. a couple of months pass and i thought charlie was long gone from the situation. then the shit hits the fan, george turns a complete 180 and tries his luck with another girl. this moment in my life was the lowest i've ever felt. ever. it hurt a lot. it didn't last long though. after a lot of yelling and crying and my fist to his face, well george realized his mistakes and comes right back to me. during this whole ordeal though with george's fuck up, charlie was my run to. charlie is an amazing guy but..eh..he's not george. oh but you should've heard the things he would tell me. it was flattering and tempting to the point of me having half a mind to just drop george and give it a go with charlie. i find out this time that his feelings for me never went away, he just got better at hiding it.. but again...i chose to stick it out with george..god, i don't know what's going on half of the time. i'm never sure if i'm making the right decisions! i still have this huge what if feeling towards charlie but i have a huge kiss and make up feeling towards george. the fact that these two are practically brothers makes everything so much more difficult! they never used to fight before..until i came into the picture..i'm worried that the longer i think the way i do (the undecided, emotionally drained psychopath), the worse my condition can get..and i'm probably gonna lose one of them if i keep this up.. i can't avoid either of them. george goes to my school. we're in the same freakin course. and charlie is the drummer of the band i manage. plus he lives nearby. i love george. a shit load. so why do i wonder about charlie so much? why do i picture me and charlie happening someday? although, when i'm with george. i want only george. i want to keep him. he really does make me extremely happy. and after all the shit (which he took total responsibility for, mind you), he promises he would make it up to me. that he'll make everything better and we'd be happier. we've been through so much already, he says. he asked for the chance to prove himself.. see how tempting??! and then, on the other hand, there's charlie. he tells me that george has not been giving me the importance i deserve. that he should have waited instead of withdrawing if george was just going to hurt me anyway. even my closest friends have told me that charlie really does love me. and if i were to give him a chance not only will he be the happiest guy in the universe, he'd make me smile 24/7...charlie told me, he could be the guy who'd give me back the same amount of love plus more..which is just as fucking tempting!! this is so gossip girl. well i wouldn't know. i don't watch that show. but i guess this is what they call teen drama. at least i can say i'm actually experiencing it before i hit my twenties..which is in about..oh wow..3 months..fucker..it's not fun! i don't understand how the popular girls in my highschool could do it. i'm a sophomore in college and it's driving me up the wall. glad, i was a huge tomboy in highschool. these kinds of problems at the age of 16?!? whew! i would've been smokin reefers dusk til dawn..insane man |
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hi babe. why are we like this? i don't think there's anything wrong with me. well, there are a lot wrong with me but i treat you right. of that, i'm sure. treat me right, baby. i deserve it. stop getting mad so unreasonably. pano ako? puta!..i love you so much. what happened to the boy who seemed so willing to change for me? to fight? i miss you hi sir. ano ba talaga yung nararamdaman ko para sayo? ba't parang pag andun ka umiikot tiyan ko? di naman kita mahal. pag kaharap kita, di ako nakikilig o ano..parang takot? di ko ma explain e. gusto kong lumayo. mahirap lang talaga e. magkaibigan tayo, matagal na. di pwedeng mabura ka sa buhay ko ng ganun lang e. sana ganong kadali. you have your period, you're probably just PMSing. stop being such a fucking pussy. get into the game and step up. don't bend down to the little bitch boy you. stop loving him too fucking much. well at least stop loving him too much to the point of degrading yourself like crazy. |
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he is far away in a yellow land and i'm stuck here with the green boy. green boy has a sidekick we call mr.octopus. mr.octopus seems to be making some advances too. now isn't that entertaining? it leaves me boggled with how the world thinks. sometimes i'm strong..and other times i cry like a bitch. i'm not sure why. i feel that i can control my emotions but sometimes i break down in a heartbeat (i think it's cause i don't want to control them at that particular moment)..again, i'm not sure why. i tend to dwell too. i know it's wrong but i can't seem to just move on a whole lot of the times. it takes forever for me to move on. it's always been like that for me. it makes everything so much more depressing and i'm aware of it being my own fault. i just..can't help it. it's hard when i'm alone too. i tend to think too much. i'ma start seeing a councilor. i never liked going to those. i never thought they helped as much as my mom expected. what they do for me, my friends can do for me actually. plus with my friends, it's for free and so much comfortable. green boy makes my heart skip a beat and mr. octopus makes my tummy flutter. although, i still i was in yellow land with someone else. i really am losing it. peace and love... |