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kablam, boy. i haven't been here in a very very long time. my computer got fucked and well, didn't have time to really find somewhere else to do my ranting. well haven't had much to really write about. well no, that's a lie. there have been days that i was literally itching to just let it all out. i get so weird at times and i tend to think way too much, so i'm there mindlessly grinding my teeth till i hurt myself. my mind thinks in alternate levels and i feel like i have to catch up with myself sometimes or even pin down my restless thoughts. when my imagination gets wild enough i even imagine myself doin' a tombstone pile driver on my subconscious ass. i imagine the guinea pigs. i wish them well yet i don't consider returning to my once sanctuary. i feel that it would be too much for me to take once the emotions start kicking back in. plus, concrete has become so unappealing to me. i imagine at times if the beats ever went away. i imagine sometimes what it would be like with that one. i continue this imaginary world til half way through i see him and everything freezes. i then imagine how horrible it would've been if he were gone. i imagine her. i imagine girl. i imagine woman. i imagine what there would've been. i imagine how it would work. i spiral out of control and then freak myself out with these raunchy thoughts...now this is where the tombstone pile driver comes in... after regaining composure, i imagine him hurting me again. i imagine him imagining her imagining if they were wrong about each other. then i imagine him imagining me imagining whether or not i'm paranoid enough to spy and catch him. i drive myself completely insane. it's 4 am and i'm still clawing my way into bed.. ciao! |