molotov
Date: Mar 9th, 2009 - Subscribe
Mood: when a bottle breaks and causes everything to catch fire!!
when exactly do you draw the line between pathetic and having a heart of gold? i, for one, am still not sure. Either that or i'm just too proud to actually admit that i am indeed pathetic. if i were too proud though and i were being pathetic, then why do i allow myself to look like a fool in front of him and everyone else who spectates? or maybe my heart is really just that resilient? maybe i just go so far as to looking like a loser and feeling used for this love i hold so dear and cherish so very faitfully? hmm...maybe i'm dumb?
i'm not one to say what this sort of thing is. i'm no where near being an expert or guru of any kind when it comes to love.
you'd think it wouldn't have to be so hard when you get into it, y'know but god...it's so fucking hard you end up wanting to really smash things or rip something up to shreds..break stuff..
those scenes in the movies with girls throwing plates and guys punching walls, they actually happen! the anger, sadness, anxiety eats you up and you lose your mind for a moment. when you snap back to reality, you wonder who the hell broke mom's china?
love's insane. i'm in a long term relationship and i have no clue what i'm doing half the time. sometimes, i don't even know anymore if the feelings i have are real.. if i'm sure about anything anymore..i did learn a thing or two though..
this perhaps is one i'll keep with me forever..the fact that no one is an expert..even those doctors with the books on love and relationships..no one really REALLY knows what's goin on..no one can predict hearts..it's too difficult..hence, that gives no one the right to tell you what to do when dealing with matters of the heart..
i used to be the type who'd run to friends to ask what should be done..thinking that other people may have a clearer point of view on the matter given that they are a third party excluded from the 2 involved in such a matter..no influence, no bias..but i feel now that that's the worst thing that I (i repeat), I could ever do..
who likes meddlers? who actually knows what they're talking about nowadays?..opinions are good...drawing from passed experiences, fine... but when they actually get in there and meddle..gawd..here's the problem..help is appreciated always but not to the point of suffocating your 2 friends..who also so happen to be lovers already at each others' necks gasping for air to breathe...
there is really no need for the drama once you stand on your own two feet..why pay for an entourage when you're fully equipped?
i had to learn the hard way, folks..
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