the unseen shame of my country(dont read it if u cant take free speech)
Date: AM0000003 293103 2007 5.00 - Subscribe
Mood: ugh


ok here i m i feel even shame 2 half mention my country's name ...i dono who's gona get a chance 2 read this but whoever u r ..if u wana leave "SUPPORTIVE MSGES" of this fking country go back 2 ur monkey land uncivilised animals...tat's wat u guys r...if u like ur country so much i dont much hav 2 noe bcoz i practically pick on any malay idiot when i c 1 tis day even tho they did nth 2 me ..this ..u might c as racist..but then again i was nice 2 them once until i came 2 c a few meanass who thinks my ppl n race r stupid ..yea v r ...but i dont c any malays a genius being send off 2 UK or US 2 go 2 UNI at the age of 9? well if u ever heard of 1 let me noe..coz all i ever noe is chinese n some westeners ever did tat b4...but u fking idiots from the jungle doesnt. who cover their heads with a table cloth...geez if u hav so many things 2 say prove it 2 us ..i mean..all u guys ever do was dwell in laziness bsides giving birth n covering ur heads with a cloth u guys noe nth else..n yes if u wana flame me ..ill tell u wat...u can save back the breathe 2 ask those chinese 2 go back 2 china..if u rili want those chinese 2 go go tell the authorities 2 ask all the chinese 2 leave i hav enuf of u dumbshits..

about the story of my country here it goes...there's only 1 internet company in my whole damn country which consist of 3 major races..i wont wana mention here. majority who works in the tele/internet company were the...of course malays...they work at the help desk n cant even speak eng.. they r badly mannered n they giv all the same answer... askin u 2 turn off ur firewall n online...i mean WTH!! r u malays so stupid tat u dono how 2 use a com? well its normal if u dont since u guys live in the forest..useless i would say... 3 ys ago almost everytime the unfortunate victim of my ph attak would b a malay women/men i hav yet 2 come across an indian or chinese. they cut off ur internet line 4 no good reasons..offer very very very bad services, n took them 1 month 2 send 1 person 2 fix ur line...n i live in a city ...since v dont hav other choices as v lived here the guy bhin the company juz laugh his ass out coz every1 HAV 2 pay 4 it..coz u hav no otehr choice...i noe if u come from more high tech countries u would hav laugh ur shit out ...n yes i wont b mad bcoz tat's juz how i feel shameful! 50 Yrs of freedom n done nth at all..invented nth, improved on nth! o n now if u killed or done any serious crimes u r aloud 2 b bailed out of jail...is this shameful? yes! i hav been tellin other ppl tat i'm born in afica!!( of course they nv bliv) reason is saying africa is better then this shameful country! not juz the unfairness of the judgment in this country
most malays get 2 say wat they want n u r not suppose 2 make a squeak... n they think v were suppose 2 b in tis country 2 bcome slaves but v r not..well fking malays here's something i wana say...look around n c if u can find any country ruled by other races n chinese being treated unfairly bsides this country? none ....
i'm tellin u, reason y u guys r at this downfall is bcoz of ur lazyness, not serious at things, n last but not least, bad attitudes such as stealing n bla bla bla...

there was once a malay classmate whom i was ok with..came up at me n asked "izzit ok if i say Jesus is dead?" hey u noe wat in sch this kinda stuff r sensitive issues.. but then i m not a gay malay n not as monkey as u guys if u r gona say 1 thing about the malays they make a great deal out of it n said this n tat while when they say bad things about u they expect u 2 shut up...this is ur dumbness n stupidness...outside ur country there's lots more country tat's laughing at u guys but no1 wants 2 tell coz every1 is enjoying 2 c how stupid u guys r same with me...tat's y i nv say anything 2 the malays i met in RL 4 my past 10 yrs living in tat stupid country i juz get them in2 trouble make them look cheap n kick them off like a ball...shiity assholes...

well back 2 the story i juz answered tat stupid fag bag a simple answer "no" n she was like "erm ok.." n guess wat she did nex? she went off down the aisle chanting " jesus is dead" great huh? i said nth coz ppl c it clear tat malays r useless n i dont hav 2 say a word 2 show it...coz she study her ass out n still get 16/50 in my class...while i can sleep everyday in class n get 6/50...yea i might b bluffing if u r malay u'd think tat coz u guys thinks tat v r stupid...ok think wat u wan monkey face...if u wana read this i'd b suprise u und my words as i thought all this monkey face geeks noes was their monkey language but nth else...

i dont usually go off ramping n hating other races but tat's it i hav enuf of u scums...when i was in eleventh grade in this fking country tat's when i learned about free speech in my moral classes ( its a class tat teaches u good something like religion class but nth 2 do with tat) but seems like it does not apply u r not allowed 2 voice out anything n the malays get 2 say wat they wan...i thought tat law apply o nvm malay laws r corrupted anyway...used 2 it...leaders shame country...nth happen ..UNI guy sings bad song of my country he gets sued....how's tat? some leaders of the country killed ...bail out o jail... n no free speech ..nah uh..no where not even the net or else those useless little MOFO bitches would go off with the malay bad word n speak like a uncivilised animal..well they were nv civilised....

they eat with hands...well some of them told me its a culture...yea right...i'd say uncivilised monkeys does those..
i'm curious .....if its a culture... then i bet they adopted tat from the monkey...coz c ...every1 noes tat b4 humans live in houses they live in caves..so isnt tat culture? y they dont live there? humans used 2 bath in streams... y dont the malays do? tat's part of culture...since there ancestors eats with hands tat's y they do... o n humans used 2 b naked in the wild with animals b4 v were living in cities like now....y dont u guys run naked in the streets with dogs? o wait!!

u guys do...at least my neighbours does...wana hear a story? this will b sure 2 make u laugh if u lived in America, england, France, or any other part of the world which is civilized..i used 2 hav malay neighbours when i was there they bath in the garden faucet with his kids, sing karaoke loudly like monkeys at night, i can hear them talking "FROM MY HOUSE" when they r watching tv...civilised ppl dont talk tat loud do they? o n when they come home they r scared tat no 1 notice them n they would play rili loud music as a ritual 2 welcome (dad, bro, mum whoever) them home..o n they fight with each other in the middle of the road yelling n screaming like crazy animals which knocked off my dustbin...well i bet no normal human would wana live in this place ..n yes i'm normal tat's y i left this farking idiotic place n come 2 america 2 work with my family ...wat make me so mad suddenly? hey i still hav frds there u noe n i hate ppl chanting stuff ..mean stuff about my ppl...

PFFT! go youtube n watch some guy call namewee sing..w/e he said is true but fooling around with national anthem is wrong ..but the malays r like "u fking chinese r stupid n useless go back 2 china" n wat i wana say? go back 2 planet apes idiots! or go back 2 the zoo where u idiots came from..u dirty scum..with thicks in their hair..(mostly i must say if u live here ull noe) there's nth 2 do with me if tat guy sings bad about u guys n there's rili nth 2 do with my ppl...its u guys who doesnt like him..if u guys hate him so much go taiwan n kill him then idiotic whiners

stupid malays who graduated from UNi noes nth but malay n doesnt even noes how 2 function a fax machine...( i came across 1 trying 2 fax something more then 20 times 2 my office which was claim 2 came from a local UNI) 2 them UNI is nth, work ... pfft who needs it? get serious? nah...v r juz 2 lazy n stupid... learn new things so tat v dont look so stupid? nah...y should v? v hav a great life here..but ..o wat does statue of liberty looks like? n wats the name of the country with a tourist attraction call Taj Mahal? trust me if they wana survive in this world with this idiotic way they can very well survive tho..but ....BUT...dont come out from ur little cage idiots or u r the real scum 2 bring loads n tons of shame 2 ur fking country tat's wat i c this days...

emily was upset coz of this bunch of stupid scums tat said men things about them even tho she said nth... tat's mostly y i'm mad... emily n namewee....hmm.. THEY DONT NOE EACH OTHER NOOBS! then wat about those terrorist? they r muslim n malays r muslim..so? do v chinese talk bad about u guys n hate u guys coz of the terrorist? no...v still live in peace with u guys...u guys r juz real frktarts who's ancestors must b the monkeys who came from an ape planet..
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A Dreamer's Dream
Date: AM00000012 293012 2007 5.00 - Subscribe
Mood: dreamy


A dreamer dreamed of something,
something tat'll nv come true,
something tat might come true,
answers left with God 2 choose.

Everynight when all men rest,
sitting by the window,
alone full of thoughts,
thougths tat brought laugther,
thoughts tat brought tears,

The heart only beats 4 some1,
some1 tat will nv realise,
pain haunt her thoughts every lonely nights,

As flesh is torn from her bones,
pain tat could only b know when no1 noes,
no1 2 tell, no1 2 share,

if this dream were nv 2 come true,
let her c him in her dreams,
n nv wake up again,

as dizzling tears came like heavy rain,
slowly slowly,
exhaustion cloud her mind,
as she slowly close her eyes as the golden eye slowly rises,
as she slowly enter the dream world,
she'll always remember the thoughts they share.


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Hope it was juz my imagination
Date: AM00000011 293011 2007 5.00 - Subscribe
Mood: glad


12.10 am pfft...parents went off 4 a vacation which leaves me,sis n grandma who came 2 look after us..it has been stressful n stupid in someway..well glad i at least hav him around when i needed him...well compare 2 alot of ppl i think i'm consider lucky well..tat's juz wat i think. like i said ...reason is bcoz wel..if a guy doesnt rili likes u n finds out tat u like them they normally run away or juz ignore u right? but well he's like say...used 2 it if i hav 2 say it tat way ..he knew i hav feelings 4 him 4 like at least 8 months now n he still cares about me more n more...some guys even hurt ur feelings on purpose when they noe tat u like'em.but he didnt. tat day
i told him i felt rili rili bad bcoz i dont wana stay like this anymore.

i mean..starring at a person i like n yet i will nv get. well he juz said " even "if" i say i love u ..its not like v can get married now, n even if i do ..i noe i'm gona leave u someday n its gona hurt u alot ...isnt it? it'll only make u feel like how i feel last yr" 2 my suprise after hearing such answers i wasnt upset but well..i felt gald instead ..i mean at least he doesnt cheat me n act like he likes me n purposely broke my heart like normal manwhores does. i told vicky about stuff about him..n she's been having the thought tat he likes me alot .. 2 say the truth i feel like he's starting 2 like me 2 ..well some might think tat i'm imagining things well i hope i'm ..coz it'll feel even mroe hurtful if he rili do like me..its not like v can b 2gether like any normal couple or w/e it is...i'd ratehr think tat he nv likes n tat its juz me who chase after him...

2 of us r juz more n more like xiang qin n zhi shu in "it staretd with a kiss" well i'd hope tat i hav a happy ending like xiang qin but not ah jin ..but who noes the future? no1 hav a clue about it except 4 God .. n no way i could hav 100 pct gurantee tat its gona b a happy ending ... he told me tat he doesnt wants me 2 b so attached 2 him coz its not gona b a happy ending ...at tat very second i juz felt like...i'v been imagining stuff all this time...like thinking he would like me back n stuffs...but then its hard 2 ignore tat ..its juz obvious? i mean i dono.well prolly ppl bsides me can tell better then i do? as i'm invovle with it i'm not rili sure about if he does or not ..

but i dont rili wana noe...but i rili wana noe in someway..i dono >< even if i knew wat can i do about it? nth ...well mayb its better 2 keep it this way? at least i still get 2 talk 2 him n c him ..its better then none..i glad tat he doesnt runs away or do anything stupid even tho he noes i liked him..

even if i got the answer prolly it will hurt me more? it is best 2 leave it this way... at least both of us r happy with wat v r having now

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Selfishness of human beings makes me sick
Date: AM00000010 293110 2007 5.00 - Subscribe
Mood: complicated


10.47 pm...still hav sch 2molo art project,moral project n loads more of other little things pile up on my mind as times nv wait by. i'm juz rili sick of human selfishness..i juz couldnt understand y every single humans hav 2 do things 2 their benefits...or should i say...do things tat pleases them n nv care about how other ppl feel...n saying things w/o concern...i dono...some1 who was once my best frd now a stranger 2 me. i figure tat i could trust no1 anymore. not ppl in rl, not ppl on the net, n oso not even ppl i cared about...human beings will turn their heads away from u someday even some1 who loves u or even ur future spouse would...i dono i'm juz so lost...y ? only 4 things in life i can trust 4 now,myself, God, knowledge n wisdom..even money will turn their backs on u when things turns out bad...men hav no rights 2 say woemn love money as they r selfish, ignorant n arogant.. if man is aloud 2 b horny then y cant women love money? well simply 2 say i juz aint tat kinda person who loves money but i trust God n myself more then any1 else 4 now... i hav enuf of men whores...women hav the rights 2 love other things more then men...like cars,careers n money..as men r always untrustworthy n unworthy...men will even lie 2 some1 they love most juz coz they wana get on teh bed 2 hav sex...Troy told me tat he would lie 2 his future wife tat he's a virgin if his future spouse wont married any1 who slept with some1 b4..this is the 21st century men? not juz him...almost every men.. yes i hav 2 admit 2 some women r bitches 2... but men r even worst...which men isnt selfish? at least there r still 10 pct of women who arent selfish like me, becky, vicky, n my mum...it is better 2 live a life alone rather then being lied n treated unimpostant by men...

he said he needed her n he wanted her...if so y talk 2 me? n he said he wished 2 b 2gether 2 her...i aint trying 2 condemt him tho...i juz dono wat 2 say..n dono how 2 face up with him..i mean i feel like i'm being treated like a 2nd rated product...i felt like he only talks 2 me coz he cant talk 2 her..n there's no1 he can share stuff 2...so i;m like...the last option...i dono i dont wana tell him this bcoz i don want him 2 think tat i'm always complaning n unthankful...but i juz felt like tat...upset n bad...i dont like him no more tho...but even so...i dont wana b treated like a "last options" of stuffs..i dont mind if i aint the 1st...but can men juz stop being so selfish? if tat's wat he wants then tehre's nth 2 do with me...y make me feel like a "by-product" only needed 2 make him feel better...frdship isnt tat way..isnt it?

frdship is about truts...n care
not 2nd rated stuff..or by products i don wana make him sad ..i dont noe wat 2 do...i dont wana b selfish like otehr ppl
i dont wana make any1 upset...but i dont wana make myself upset either...being treated tat way by ppl arent u isnt nice..its not juz him...even gabriel did tat...needed when he wajts a gal n asked me 2 help... when he gets it i'm out of the way... i'm not something 2 use 2 get something else...i hate feling this way but i juz cant help it...bcoz i dono how ,n wat 2 say 2 him..tat's y i try 2 avoid seeing him..i noe its stupid 2 run away problems ..but i juz dono wat 2 do...blank...i feel sad n unhappy inside but i noe he isnt rili happy 2 n i dont feel like making some1 upset this days...

i dont wana b selfish like him, like other ppl, is it impossible 2 be not selfish on this earth? does this means tat the rule 2 live on earth is 2 b selfish 2 others?
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A lost wanderer
Date: AM0000005 293005 2007 5.00 - Subscribe
Mood: broken


18.05 now alone at home coz i refuse 2 go out 4 dinenr with my family. my sister wasted half of my time with crap n i hav lots of things 2 do i need 2 write 1 more paper n finish another paper 4 the project as the stupid gay hell teachers r assholes this days...i feel like calling him on the ph n asked y he'd take me as some1 like tat ...n inside my heart tehre's a quetion i wished 2 ask ...but i fear tat i might make him mad like last time as he thinks tat i'm asking stupid quetions things hav been stupid, crazy, wild, sick, n blur..i was sick last 2 weeks ago...n now the fagged whether again n becky got me infected with coughing n seriouse flu...i so tired n i dont wana go 2 sch i mean..i'm sick n need 2 done those 2 fagged projects n finish 4 assignments 4 juz 1 gay teacher...wat's her problem? she was arguing with me the other day..i bet she hav a problem as she is getting old n probably having mental illness...tat's the part about sch tat makes me feel rili tired n stressed out...now my family... as usual mum talks 2 much n 2 loud..she juz cant stop making noises 4 1 min which annoy me so much tat i argued with her almost everyday i'd rather spend my time n my life with something/ some1 else rather then my family they juz waste up all tehir little lifes in starring at nature n sun rise n all tat....my parents r extremely tree hugging idiots...they got the whole garden plantted with orkhids like a mini jungle which makes my house almost looks like a green house more then a house. n anotehr which is rili upsetting me n stressing me out..i dono i dont wana cry...alot of things hav happenned after v argued i was rili upset n i thought he was leaving (as it was my mistake he wasnt) coz he said " sry i need 2 leave" i was abit edgy i got 2 admit its not his fault sometimes i'm gaytted this days there's so many things going around i juz dono how 2 think straight... becky even asked me 2 go c a doctor as she thinks i'm having seriouse deppression but i try 2 assure her i was fine as i dont wan her/ any1 else 2 njoe or worried as i noe there's only me who rili noe wat's happening n doesnt noe how or who 2 tell as i m starting 2 loose trust on becky... she was nice being there 4 me when i was sad, lending her ears 2 listen 2 my sorows n pain, but i nv thought she'd do such things i was sick last 2 weeks ago, becky was worried about me n said she'd come 2 my house 2 play with my com n talk 2 me n probably b my companion juz so i dont feel so lonely n upset, after lunch as my headache got worse i told her i'm going 2 take a nap n said my sry 4 not being able 2 entertaint her, she was pretty understanding n said it was ok, as i fear tat he might log on i asked her a favor 2 log on my acc 2 wait 4 him..i made her log on both my acc 1 on the website n 1 on the programmed... n i when 2 sleep..but i nv noe she'd say such things..i nv noe anything happened until juz recently he told me tat i sended him an email saying tat i lied 2 him all along n everything was juz a test...i nv n wont do tat 2 him...y? y did he bliv in such lies? i couldnt blame him as it was sended by my email...i'd probably bliv in tat if i was him...but i juz wanted him 2 trust me ..trust me tat i would nv say such things..tat it wasnt me at all who sended it... i was so blurr n dono wat 2 do until yesterday i finally got the guts 2 ask becky if she ever sended such stuff n ask if she's the 1 who changed my email p/w which made me unable 2 log in...i couldnt bliv her answers...i was so scared tat she'd say yes i wish she'd say no its not tat i dont bliv him i bliv him 2 but i dont wana loose becky n i dont want becky 2 b some1 like tat...i asked her y n all she said was tat he's a jerk who broke my heart who made me sad all this time ...drainned me mentally n phsycally n she dont wan 2 c me like this anymore tat's y she did tat i dono wat 2 think...i felt so hurt i noe she did all tat 4 me but i dont like her at all she's juz a frd...she wont get anything from me 4 treating me nice...n i felt so hurt n i felt angry n sad bcoz she make him not trust me n hurt him...i dono i juz don wana c her anymore i felt so mad at her i yelled at her n i ran off...she tried calling me n all tat but i dont wan 2 talk 2 her anymroe ...now he thinks tat i'm the super jerk who sended tat email btu i didnt...i rili didnt...i dono wat 2 do i didnt but i juz wanted him 2 bliv me ...my heart crashed in2 millions of pieces when i open my email which i havent been able 2 log on 4 awhile as i made becky giv me the p/w there was a reply from him on tat mean email becky sended....i felt like my whole world crushed ...i couldnt bliv my own eyes...he nv trusted me at all...i dono if he said it out of anger after he readed tat email or he meant it but i cant help thinking tat he ment it...he said he knew tat i was some1 like tat through some1 very close 2 me...who is tat "some1 close 2 me" ? my sister? becky? danny? i felt like he bliv ppl around me more then me...all this time...i wanted 2 ask him this but..i dono..i couldnt bare 2 hear the answer if it was true tat he nv nlived me 4 who i m..but instead blived other ppl whom he talk 2 who knew me...i'm not even half mad at him ...but i felt broken n pain as i nv thought he'd not even bliv me tat little bit...juz 4 who i m...my thoughts is like a lost wanderer who doesnt noes where 2 go n where i m going 2 but i juz cant stop walking...i wanted 2 noe the answer searching it high n low...but all r broken frdship n hrut...y can some ppl smile everyday? is there true happiness in this world? is there even a slightess bit of love in this world? or was it juz all an imagination of a child?

ShadowSong
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