A lost wanderer
Date: AM0000006 293006 2007 5.00 - Subscribe
Mood: broken
18.05 now alone at home coz i refuse 2 go out 4 dinenr with my family. my sister wasted half of my time with crap n i hav lots of things 2 do i need 2 write 1 more paper n finish another paper 4 the project as the stupid gay hell teachers r assholes this days...i feel like calling him on the ph n asked y he'd take me as some1 like tat ...n inside my heart tehre's a quetion i wished 2 ask ...but i fear tat i might make him mad like last time as he thinks tat i'm asking stupid quetions things hav been stupid, crazy, wild, sick, n blur..i was sick last 2 weeks ago...n now the fagged whether again n becky got me infected with coughing n seriouse flu...i so tired n i dont wana go 2 sch i mean..i'm sick n need 2 done those 2 fagged projects n finish 4 assignments 4 juz 1 gay teacher...wat's her problem? she was arguing with me the other day..i bet she hav a problem as she is getting old n probably having mental illness...tat's the part about sch tat makes me feel rili tired n stressed out...now my family... as usual mum talks 2 much n 2 loud..she juz cant stop making noises 4 1 min which annoy me so much tat i argued with her almost everyday i'd rather spend my time n my life with something/ some1 else rather then my family they juz waste up all tehir little lifes in starring at nature n sun rise n all tat....my parents r extremely tree hugging idiots...they got the whole garden plantted with orkhids like a mini jungle which makes my house almost looks like a green house more then a house. n anotehr which is rili upsetting me n stressing me out..i dono i dont wana cry...alot of things hav happenned after v argued i was rili upset n i thought he was leaving (as it was my mistake he wasnt) coz he said " sry i need 2 leave" i was abit edgy i got 2 admit its not his fault sometimes i'm gaytted this days there's so many things going around i juz dono how 2 think straight... becky even asked me 2 go c a doctor as she thinks i'm having seriouse deppression but i try 2 assure her i was fine as i dont wan her/ any1 else 2 njoe or worried as i noe there's only me who rili noe wat's happening n doesnt noe how or who 2 tell as i m starting 2 loose trust on becky... she was nice being there 4 me when i was sad, lending her ears 2 listen 2 my sorows n pain, but i nv thought she'd do such things i was sick last 2 weeks ago, becky was worried about me n said she'd come 2 my house 2 play with my com n talk 2 me n probably b my companion juz so i dont feel so lonely n upset, after lunch as my headache got worse i told her i'm going 2 take a nap n said my sry 4 not being able 2 entertaint her, she was pretty understanding n said it was ok, as i fear tat he might log on i asked her a favor 2 log on my acc 2 wait 4 him..i made her log on both my acc 1 on the website n 1 on the programmed... n i when 2 sleep..but i nv noe she'd say such things..i nv noe anything happened until juz recently he told me tat i sended him an email saying tat i lied 2 him all along n everything was juz a test...i nv n wont do tat 2 him...y? y did he bliv in such lies? i couldnt blame him as it was sended by my email...i'd probably bliv in tat if i was him...but i juz wanted him 2 trust me ..trust me tat i would nv say such things..tat it wasnt me at all who sended it... i was so blurr n dono wat 2 do until yesterday i finally got the guts 2 ask becky if she ever sended such stuff n ask if she's the 1 who changed my email p/w which made me unable 2 log in...i couldnt bliv her answers...i was so scared tat she'd say yes i wish she'd say no its not tat i dont bliv him i bliv him 2 but i dont wana loose becky n i dont want becky 2 b some1 like tat...i asked her y n all she said was tat he's a jerk who broke my heart who made me sad all this time ...drainned me mentally n phsycally n she dont wan 2 c me like this anymore tat's y she did tat i dono wat 2 think...i felt so hurt i noe she did all tat 4 me but i dont like her at all she's juz a frd...she wont get anything from me 4 treating me nice...n i felt so hurt n i felt angry n sad bcoz she make him not trust me n hurt him...i dono i juz don wana c her anymore i felt so mad at her i yelled at her n i ran off...she tried calling me n all tat but i dont wan 2 talk 2 her anymroe ...now he thinks tat i'm the super jerk who sended tat email btu i didnt...i rili didnt...i dono wat 2 do i didnt but i juz wanted him 2 bliv me ...my heart crashed in2 millions of pieces when i open my email which i havent been able 2 log on 4 awhile as i made becky giv me the p/w there was a reply from him on tat mean email becky sended....i felt like my whole world crushed ...i couldnt bliv my own eyes...he nv trusted me at all...i dono if he said it out of anger after he readed tat email or he meant it but i cant help thinking tat he ment it...he said he knew tat i was some1 like tat through some1 very close 2 me...who is tat "some1 close 2 me" ? my sister? becky? danny? i felt like he bliv ppl around me more then me...all this time...i wanted 2 ask him this but..i dono..i couldnt bare 2 hear the answer if it was true tat he nv nlived me 4 who i m..but instead blived other ppl whom he talk 2 who knew me...i'm not even half mad at him ...but i felt broken n pain as i nv thought he'd not even bliv me tat little bit...juz 4 who i m...my thoughts is like a lost wanderer who doesnt noes where 2 go n where i m going 2 but i juz cant stop walking...i wanted 2 noe the answer searching it high n low...but all r broken frdship n hrut...y can some ppl smile everyday? is there true happiness in this world? is there even a slightess bit of love in this world? or was it juz all an imagination of a child?
ShadowSong
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