goodbye
Date: AM0000004 293104 2007 5.00 - Subscribe
Mood: strange
goodbye kori...bye nick...bye danny...bye becky....bye every1
i tried 2 live as hard as i could...but life nv go teh way ti should b...life is slowly taking me away...sry danny i tried 2 live...sry mum i tried rili hard...but it juz nv was the way i wanted it...i juz wanted wat every1 hav...but i can nv hav...y? y izzit so unfare 2 me? all i wanted is kori 2 care about me...n danny 2 b my frd...but things changed 4 the worst...slowly every1 left...i don wana feel the loneliness like last time anymore...i dont wana feel those pain anymore...i dont wan those things 2 happen n repeat anymore...i juz wana get out of this burden life...sry
kori u can live better without me...as u hav alot of ppl bsides u tat love u, care about u, as i'm only a piece o trash...as u always say tat i caused problems...since i'm not needed all along ... not needed by any1 ...i should off juz leave...leave this whole world...as no1 in this world needs me..every1 hav some1 better... becky..find anotehr frds who's better then me...i'm juz a freak who's nv good enough n suc at everything...don live like i did...
mum don worry about me anymore...ill come 2 u 2 a place..where i dont hav 2 surfer like this anymore...i dont wana live this life anymore... sry i was unable 2 treasure wat u gave me..
kori thx 4 being my frd n bring me happiness...through out the few months tat we spend 2gether altho its not long...but i was rili rili happy no1 in lfie every treat me like tat...thank you n sry sry i was expecting 2 much...goodbye i love u
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i hate u
Date: AM0000003 293103 2007 5.00 - Subscribe
Mood: used
i hate u i hate u i hate u!! so i'm suppose 2 do everything u say like a pet dog of urs bcoz i like u? i'm not going 2 ! u r juz like him. juz like jay... its my life n i get the choice 2 choose wat i wana do n wat i wana say...i'v been saying tat word so many times n u nv make a squeek n now? u say i'm mean 2 call him tat..izzit bcoz he's haily's husband? tat's y u say tat? n u say tat all the time about ppl n otehr things ...wtf with me hav 2 follow wat u say like a donkey? i aint a pet of urs...y everytime when some1 knew i like them they hav 2 treat me like trash? is this wat men does all the time? tat's y they get played back by women? i did nth wrong 2 u!! y? i did nth wrong 2 jay 2...
or izzit bcoz i'm ur frd i get 2 do wat u say? i hav my own freedom...u r over the boundry..1st u make me do things ur way...as if its perfect... i hav my own life n choice 2 choose if u must noe...n now ? even wat i say hav 2 b controlled? even my parents nv say a word about it...n who r u 2 tell me wat 2 say? izzit bcoz u think tat i like u i would do everything u say n obey like a silly dog?
frds dont force otehrs 2 do things n dont force them 2 say words they liek 2 hear...n u r the worst 2 jump in2 otehr ppls life n taking over as if u hav a greater n better life then others... n wat u din realiase is urs suc! bcoz u ruined ur own life u wana go off ruinning others and taking over like a pilot who doesnt noes where his destination is? fuck it i hav enough of this ... all this time all i felt is u'll talk 2 me when u hav no1 else better 2 talk 2 when there's some1 better i'm trash 2 u.
when u r mad i'm the pillow u hit on so hard tat i shut up everytime. almost every1 in rl around told me tat u r a real jerk but i nv listen n stay on...i guess i was wrong all this time ...u was juz a big jerk tat talk ur way up 2 a gal n make them like u n in te end treat them like trash...i felt like everything u do from the past till now is all lies....my heart is so painful y?
u noe i scared tat u gona leave me the most.. n u keep saying tat u gona go mroe then 2 times n end up still showing up everyday...juz like jay....y the hell do u guys wana make ppl cry ? u feel better 2 ruin others life? do u feel better seeing others miserable n hurt?
watever u did 2 me i juz tell myself tat u did it coz u r upset about her...but then...i c tat its not bcoz u r upset...its bcoz u nv noe how 2 control ur temper n words 2wards ppl who treats u nice...u nv realise how hurt those words 2 them until u hear it back from some1 urself...u r juz a real pimp ... a pimp who used ppl who likes u...y? y does every1 i like hav 2 treat me like this....wat is all this fucking life about? man was nv trust worthy from the start...its my mistake tat i trusted u...big mistake...n i intent not 2 make tat mistake ever again...man was nv trustworthy since the day he did tat 2 me...y m i so stupid tat i still trusted u?
i hate myself the most...4 everything...4 trusting u, being ur frd, loving u, doing everything 4 u, n living bcoz of u...
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Love is Poison
Date: AM0000009 292809 2007 5.00 - Subscribe
Mood: heartbroken
Painful tears shed for someone
Who will never love you,
Love is just a deadly poison
That will kill me someday,
Skipping class just to talk to him,
does it make any difference?
lonely cries n sleepless nights no1 noes,
smiling 2 him everyday,
crying every nite,
as hundreds of knife's pierce through my heart,
love was never generouse,
it is only 2 the person u love but not others,
love is always selfish,
only 2 other ppl but not the 1 u love,
love turn its back on me,
not only once,
y?
y must the person i loved always hav 2 b hurt by others?
y?
y must i always hav 2 b the 1 tat help them out of it?
y must i always carry the bagge tat 1 broken but not me?
y does this unconsiderate women hav 2 do this?
i hated them for doing tat,
i hated them not bcoz he loves them, but bcoz they hurt him,
there's only 1 weakness tat i can say of myself,
all this lonely yrs nth tat i hav fail 2 overcome,
but love is always human beings biggest weakness,
as this wekaness hold me back on doing anything
i wish 2 leave him,
but i could not,
this pain being torn btw,
unable 2 discribe,
i noe he'll nv love me,
but love make me stay,
asi sacrifice every bit of my life,
day by day,
if love is 4 me 2 control,
i would not want 2 love any1,
love is juz a painful n deadly poison,
that will kill me slowly.
as i do everything 4 him all i wanted is 2 c him smile,
i do not care wat it takes me 2 make him smile,
if it is my life tat is,
i would let go of it as long as he can smile
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spinning world
Date: AM00000012 292812 2007 5.00 - Subscribe
Mood: insecure
the world is like a spinning wheel spinning spinning n spinning the differece btw it is tat it nv stops no matter wat it nv waits..even if u r sad or hurt it nv waits or giv u a moment of rest it makes human cray n make them losses their brains but it hav no mercy on them..even if some1s gona leave u ..it wont stop him n it shall let him go....there is no mercy in this wheel as ppl hurting n harming each other it will still spin n spin until the day i lost my breathe 2 c it spin again n again it shall spin
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there's no point staying when some1 wants u 2 leave
Date: PM0000001 292801 2007 5.00 - Subscribe
Mood: hurt
1.50 am..here i m with tears coming down my eyes tat i could not hold no more...y does the person i love will always treat me like trash? y do they always hav 2 play with my feelings...i do not expect them 2 love me back as no1 in my life hav done tat b4....but y cant they at least take me as frds? true frds ...i juz wana stay by their side n c them smile..is tat 2 much? i called him 4 times 2nite..n he isnt gona pick up he rejected my calls...n send me a text msg saying tat he's sleeping n i'm annoying him by calling...m i suppose 2 noe tat he's sleeping? after he said he's gona leave...i called until now..n he said he was sleeping..did he rili sleep tat long? i do not noe...trust isnt there no more only hurt n fear...
i do not want 2 b bond in2 such relationship...y cant he juz let me go? y does his emotion almost hold me back when i was gona go? y do i care about him so much tat i cant stand seeing him being upset n troubled...y cant i b mad at him 4 more then 1 week? y cant i hate him? if i could do all the aboves 2 him i wouldnt feel like a piece of trash now...i noe tat there's noe point staying by his side 3 months ago ..until now...but i juz couldnt take up my courage n leave...mayb this is wat they call love...n no matter wat i do he wont notice...mayb this is the selfishness of love...n the generousity of love...
i burn my life 4 this man...slowly slowly day by day i feel like dying but ...i live through it bcoz of him...i'd sacrifice anything 4 him even my future...no1 ever noe y i wana stidy culinary art...i did it bcoz of him...bcoz he likes ppl cooking 4 him...
i do not ask 4 anything..mayb i'll b8urn my whole life down juz 4 this man...i noe tat i could not stop ..i tried..but i could leave him.. those feelings is pulling me back
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