trouble in river city
date: June 11th, 2008 2:29 pm - Subscribe
mood: domestic
music: defiance, ohio - share what ya got
i have been terrible for writing, which is really a pity because there are loads of things that deserved documentation. i've been neglecting my paper journal is well, which is good for quick notes and remembering things i would like to 'blog' about later. blogging is good for the inclusion of photographs, which i'll unabashedly provide.
here we go...
career suicide was amazing. the turnout wasn't what it should be and all of my friendships didn't mend like i had hoped, but it was still amazing. during one of the first songs phillips accidentally elbowed me right in my eye socket. luckily i came out without a black eye and my nose wasn't broken, but it still hurts when i sneeze.
to honor john power's wishes, when i was leaving i gave dave brown a big kiss on the cheek. it was the most nerve wrecking thing ever, solely because he is so handsome. alright, alright... i'm boytarded.
i'm actually in this picture, green shirt and big boobs, my face is hidden.
i got a little more introverted for a while. everything was a little too fast for me, i guess. i tried to be productive and cleaned my room and sent letters and packages, worked and went to fort amherst one day with phillips when the sun showed it's face.
now jess is leaving way too soon and there has been way too much drama, so i've started to blow all of my money on cover again. dance parties to the gramercy riffs, mercy the sexton, mark bragg, texas chainsaw, the kremlin, and (shame shame shame) even the idlers. stephen dunn also left, so i went to his party and we went downtown and danced and then when everybody found their way home, stephen and i found our way to the cotton club. i made friends with a stripper named 'paris' who was from cbs, chamberlains more specifically. we talked about them building new subdivisions in cbs. she offered me a free lap dance if stephen paid $20 to watch. we didn't have any money at all, but when she left she gave me a raspberry in my cleavage. it was unreal.
after one particularly dramatic and dance-filled night, jess and i somehow almost got in a fight, and found jaclyn, jen king and matthew dawe and went to luke major's house for a party. i ended up there until about 5:30am because i never want to go home. daniel banoub walked me as far as his house. a bunch of cop cars drove by and we were wondering what's going on. the story surfaced later that a man killed this woman, amanda power, and put her torso in a suitcase. as far as i know, he is being charged with second degree murder and indignity to a dead body and they are still looking for her extremities.
luckily, to keep me warm at night and to keep me coming home... i have my little baby kitten matilda back.
this is us playing with a hair ribbon in my bedroom. she is very skinny and very skiddish. she still feels awkward in the main part of the house (she lives in my bedroom) and is weary of my brother and mom. she hates my father. when jess and steve (aylward) came to visit the other day she was very affectionate, so that's a good sign.
other than all this, i have done some nice things. jonny and i went to a benefit lunch for building schools. $10 got us two different kinds of curry, basmati rice, dahl, two kinds of bread, sweet and sour chutney, chai tea, and desert. afterwards i walked downtown and then eventually home. stopping along the way so that steve and jess could get french fries and then so we could all get ice cream.
i started my new bank account, so money will be less confusing now.
last night i went to meet jess and erika at the ship to see old man luedecke. they came late and couldn't get in but i managed to get in. even though i feel like his whole personality is contrived, it was really good. i am really scared to walk home, but luckily phillips and neil were out and walked me as far as their house.
xxx,
bee
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best friends with that girl
date: May 20th, 2008 2:17 am - Subscribe
mood: loyal
music: dd/mm/yyyy
this weekend was pretty good. i thought i would have earlier nights. they were certainly less wild, but no earlier.
thursday, i think i fell in love all over again. maybe. it's a secret though, very hush hush.
friday i slept late and hung out in my pajamas and then went to the dd/mm/yyyy and video hippos all ages. it was really great to see judge dread again. i should brush up my lyrics so that i can sing along for more than just the part that any chump could manage. during crusades, robert broke two mic stands. there were a bunch of kids there that don't normally go to shows/these kind of shows/don't know robert and seemed pretty scared of him. they created one of, if not the largest horse shoe i have ever seen.
the blue leader opened for video hippos. 'we dream of infinite rooms. we are the first person shooters.' video hippos were really great. as if i hadn't been won over already, they had a whole video made based on 'they live' starring rowdy roddy piper.
dd/mm/yyyy had a smart idea and set up in the corner for a more intimate experience. they played a really great set. everyone seemed pretty impressed.
this is a picture that someone took. i'm in it. i must be about four feet tall.
matt, the one i have a huge crush on, fell on my feet and i pretty much melted. handsome boys kill me.
i went to the rose and thistle afterwards for four of a kind, cock sparrer tribute and midnight heat!!!
i was too tired from a late night thursday and a long day of watching bands. i half napped for a while on a bench and watched everyone's coats and bags and only stood up for midnight heat. i liked seeing them play again, but i guess i had really bad anxiety or something. maybe it was just the bar girls dancing up front and trying to get me to dance with them. sometimes i need my space at shows, and everywhere. sometimes i want to just stand at a comfortable distance from someone and not talk to them. sometimes i really like not talking.
phillips and i walked home together, which was nice considering how sketchy my walks home have been lately.
i had work saturday but it wasn't very busy at all. i made a bunch of pita chips for dd/mm/yyyy because i figured they might be hungry. i drew a keyboard on the bag and brought them greek feta and tangy thai sauce to dip them in. they thanked me profusely and i got to hang out with them. i know that sounds lame, but i really like making new friends in other places, even though i end up spending a fortune on postage to keep in touch. i think i like some distance. maybe i'm not as good close up. i don't know.
it was a great show. i kind of feel like i never want to set foot in a bar again, but the ship full of under agers is not as bad. i stuck around until pretty late with the boys. i am usually not ready to go home when everyone else is. party animal. not really. i just wanted someone to tuck me in.
yesterday i worked an excruciating eight hours and tomorrow i work nine and will probably die.
at least i really like my coworkers. tonight kaitlyn and i sat down for an hour and talked about sex. i don't really have any girlfriends that i can talk about sex with like that so it was definitely appreciated. somehow, even though we sat down for so long, and even though it was really busy earlier, we got all the work done by the time i got off.
i have been listening to daniel johnston in my bedroom late at night and also in the day when nobody is home. i sit on my bed and i want to cry so bad but i must have forgotten how.
i embarrassed myself very badly thursday night as well and wanted to cry but couldn't muster it up.
i don't know what the hell i'm doing. trying to avoid being lonely.
handsome boys kill me. they always have great eyelashes and charming smiles and sweaters that you know would be good to cuddle into. they smell like outdoors and scraping your knee and pushing back tears. their hands are rougher than yours and make you feel safe when you put them together. they let you ride shotgun if they drive, or double you up on their bikes. when you show them your bedroom all they wanna do is go through your record collection. they try to not show when they're impressed. they die if you're bold enough to wink.
i just want to be best friends and make out.
xxx,
bee
p.s.
this photo surfaced from 'threaded' at the anna templeton centre.
a. while this photo was being taken, some dickhole was stealing my purse
b. are you ever afraid that maybe you're mentally retarded and nobody has the guts to tell you? photos like this evoke this fear
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go put yr records on
date: May 14th, 2008 6:54 pm - Subscribe
mood: gross
i think i might have seen the end of my wild times and late nights.
i have been staying pretty low key lately. i havne't had my cell phone which allows me to be a little more elusive. however, sunday night thea got a room at the battery for her going away party. somehow, as the only sober person at the party, i am the one instigating everything. some of the more memorable include erika and i working out, 'shoes in the house' which involved everyone switching shoes but was somehow totally chaotic and wrestling with erika and burke. long before the night was over i had burke's hoodie on and then took off my pants. we broke the pull-out couch bed and tried to hide it.
there were way too many pictures taken, and my face is ridiculous in all of them.
in the morning we tried to clean up the bottles and when we went outside we found the most hilarious sign.
the battery is fucking ridiculous.
jess, erika and i dropped burke's keys off at his house and got ziggy's and then i went to work. i have never felt so haggard in my life. i caught a brutal cold. for some reason i thought that i had tuesday off when really i had wednesday (today) off. i woke up a half an hour before i was supposed to work with the worst headache of my life. i mean, i could've gotten a cab and just looked haggard as fuck but i was way too sick. i had to call in, which i felt really shitty about. they are totally understaffed there right now since kayla left and kaitlyn, one of the other part time girls is still in high school so she wouldn't have been able to take my day shift. i feel like an asshole. they even gave me friday off this week. they're really nice too...
i'll make it up to them and not use the internet at work anymore and always pay for my food from now on.
i slept all day.
today i'm feeling a bit better but then went out in the pouring rain so will probably feel shitty again soon. threaded is tonight, and i think it should be nice. and the dd/mm/yyyy shows are this weekend as well as midnight heat and he cock sparrer cover band friday at the rose and thistle.
i got paid friday and now i only have a little over $130 left...
one might wonder what a straight edge girl spends all that money on...
- debts to my mother
- birthday present for my little brother
- mother's day presents (i went a bit overboard this year)
- food from work (they are cracking down on free food and half off still adds up after a while...)
- admission to bar shows i don't even necessarily want to go to
- chocolate (chocolate bars and today a $6 piece of cake)
- coffee (banana hot chocolates from coffee&company, soy capps from hava java, regular coffee from everywhere else)
- french fries (celtic hearth and ziggy's)
- tipping (after working in three restaurants, i always tip)
- merch (new at both ends shark attack shirt and demo)
- records (i have such a problem that i couldn't even remember what records i had on hold at fred's)
tonight is threaded at the anna templeton centre which i'm pretty excited about. it should be nice. this weekend should be good too, the dd/mm/yyyy shows as well as midnight heat at the rose and thistle.
going out in the rain was definitely a bad idea.
xxx,
bee
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whites
date: May 10th, 2008 5:07 pm - Subscribe
mood: forgotten
music: library tapes
is it cold here? or is it just me?
xxx,
bee
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solidarity
date: May 8th, 2008 2:03 am - Subscribe
mood: glowing
music: joanna newsom
sometimes all i want to do is go back to where i came from.
my family is from merachine, an island off of placentia. nobody lives there anymore, since jerseyside was settled. sometimes i just daydream about me and a boy building a log cabin out there. i'd write a great novel or book and appreciate the forest and the sun like beatrix potter and virginia woolf and even miss honey from matilda.
we would use quilts when it was cold. there probably wouldn't be any electricity.
i would learn how to jig cod and take care of myself.
it would be hard, but rewarding.
we would wake up at the break of dawn and have breakfast together and start the day.
we would enjoy being away from each other and enjoy meeting in bed when the sun goes down.
surrounded with tools and with books.
living the life, i suppose.
xxx,
bee
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