After a few months of hecticness, I've finally found time to blot down something new on this piece of electronic paper. It would be extremely gruelling to describe the numerous details of my extended hiatus, therefore I'll just skip to the basics.Practically a year went by, and all I did was blink. What should have been a more productive year ended up to be one of utter disappointment. Promises I made with myself have evidently been broken, for there is a lack of feeling of accomplishment in my life, as well as an absence of joy and appreciation. Why is it, that it took me until the end of the school year to actually start involving myself in school activities? How come it's only now that I've realized the value and benefit of participating in such programs? What's worse is that this isn't the worst regret I hold...
I've had two years to get acquainted; although I don't blame myself for not "being able" to in my freshman year.
But this year was no excuse. One moment. That's all it took for dozens of new and amazingly inspirational people to enter my life. As if I wasn't already contented with my current social circle. Yeah, I've told Reah this already... I wish I had earlier opportunities to spend time with them, 'cause they're cool people. Perhaps I have known them from before, but my eyes were still premature and unable to understand the full importance of such relationships. And as much as I want to say that I'll forget them, I know I'll have some difficulty doing so. I understand from experience that certain people won't stay in your life forever. But can't there be exceptions to those who seem to stand out more in your eyes than the rest?I've learned that there are just some people that you can't forget. They're way too important, or they've made too big an impact on you that they can't just vanish out of your life.
What gives me hope is the example of my older sister, who still keeps her long distance relationships alive. But that's only because both sides cooperate... At this point, I don't know whether my friendships with some of my friends that are leaving are strong enough to prolong into the future years. It's a two way street. I'm the only one walking; no one else bothers to meet me halfway.At least, that's how I feel. If only I could read minds, then I could gain a little, well, a lot of assurance. Funny thing is, my social life should "apparently" be the least of my worries, especially during an academically critical time such as this (finals). It's comprehendable, but still... Isn't building a foundation for my social future important too?
My greatest hope is that they don't forget me even if they're off with their busy lives. I'll be content with a conversation here and there, that's probably what will assure me that they want the relationship to sustain. Even now, my impatience for a reply gets the best of me. It's as if one late reply is taken as utter ignorance by the other party. Sometimes I think I'm going mental.
Then, there's the financial crisis at home. Sure I'd like to help, so I'll apply for a job. Yet, getting declined by practically every place I apply to makes getting a job a difficult task. Sorry for being a constant bother, but in a situation like this, I need to be or else I know you won't make the effort to help.
Or perhaps it's due to your busy schedule. Whatever it is, you could at least make that small bit of effort to get back to me. Job or not, sending me a reply wouldn't hurt. I would still appreciate it even if I don't get the job.
Well enough of that. I still can't believe the year's done. I could have sworn it just started. And although summer's coming, I sort of wish that it didn't. Too many things I missed out on, and too many people I didn't get a chance to build friendships with. Regrets. That's all I'll remember from this year. Someone make me a time machine. I'm going to pull a Book Three Hermione and go back in time to fix things.
But I guess it makes sense, 'cause you really can't just get a proper job without having some background in the workplace. And apparently, McDonalds is the place to get that backbround; everybody starts off there... So much for my ambition of defying the norm. I'm going to be a blue visor-wearing pound of depressing flesh.
. 
Sometimes when I just sit down to play, I zone out of everything and all I notice is the music playing. The use of my fingers to generate such a sound by pressing keys gives me the feeling of being connected to the song.