Frusterated to the core
Date: Mar 16th, 2007 10:04:31 pm - Subscribe
What's playin: "Dreams In Digital" - Orgy
Damn damn damn damn damn
I feel so lost and confused.
I dont even kno where to start.
I guess we could start with the insane mood swings..
I one minute im happy as hell, singing and dancing, whatever....then i could snap my fingers and be so depressed i could quite literally kill myself. And i get upset over the tiniest things.
For example, today i went to the skate park at like 8:30pm with my 2 friends Vanessa and Dennis to practice. Well they got cold so we got in the car and just drove around for a bit. We come back, me and Dennis get out of the car, open the trunk and get our skateboards out. But Vanessa just sits in the car.
Im like "Dude, what are you waiting for?" and shes like "I dont wanna get out, its cold and my legs hurt."
And idk why but that made me so mad. I got so pissed, i threw my skateboard back in the trunk, slammed it, swung the car door open and yelled at her to get in the backseat and told dennis to "Get his happy ass back in the fucking car".
Everyones like "Oh you're probly bipolar" blah blah blah. I even did this test online: "Screening for Bipolar Disorder". It sed if ur score was higher than a 25 then theres a really good chane you have it. I got a 37. I told my mom..actually ive told her repeatedly that i think im bipolar and i wanna get it checked out and shes like "Oh no, you're a moody teenager, blah blah blah." Its really goddamn frusterating.
So im streesing from that trying to control my moods, as if the anger part wasnt enough i cry like everyday just out of nowhere. It bitesss.
And now im falling in love with my ex girlfriend all over again. The relationship the first time was terrible and shes a mich better friend. But its how she acts as a friend that makes me fall in love with her over and over. Shes so sweet at first and i can tell she likes me again....but idk wut to do. Should i try it with her again and see if its different or just ignore it?
And my ex bf likes me again too and i never really got over him in the first place. But hes coming back up from Florida this weekend and wants to talk to me with no one else around, "just us". and im like Ohhhhhh no. Hell probly tell me he still loves me like he did before he left and ill be all goo goo over him again. That would suck.
Oh and my ex gf is also like my best friend and she means a lot to me, more than she thinks but i havent heard from her all day. She left with her bro last night but sed she would call me when she got back but never did. Ive called her 4 times, stopped by her house and even had Dennis call her and still no answer. im gettin worried but i cant just break into her house and be like "Hey are you home?" and her parents dont answer the phone or the door so they're no help. Should i be worried?
i need help. bah!
Date: Jan 3rd, 2006 5:48:18 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Sadish...happyish cuz im thinking about austin
What's playin: \"Vermillion pt. 2\" - Slipknot
Welp, the jig is up, Austin knows about my "problem"...safety pins, skin, bleeding..not good not good. He noticed it in art today cuz i had my sleeves rolled up when he was talkin to me. Hes like "Sticky, you slit your wrist" and im just like "no i didnt" and hes like "Yes you did! I see the slash mark right there!" and i just sed i didnt and hes like "Ok fine u didnt" and continued talking. At least he just dropped cuz he realized i didnt wanna talk about it, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE! *points to friends* Its not like Im proud of it...i have a problem...im sorry...im not sure if he was really worried or ne thing tho...cuz he was a little concerned cuz he kept asking about it, but then he changed the subject so fast that im not sure...I wish he would care..
I\'m not a slave to a gun that doesn\'t exist
Date: Dec 30th, 2005 1:25:24 pm - Subscribe
Im in a semi good mood today. Goin to my grandpas for a very late christmas dinner with my cuzin. The only reason we wanna go is cuz our cuzin nick might go this time. We love him and miss him a lot so we're crossin our fingers. I hope he comes, otherwise this dinner is gunna be a total bust. I finally found Austin's myspace!! Im so happy! I have such a huge crush on him, its rediculous. I cant help it tho hes just so cute and wonderful!! The only thing that someone has sed to me recently that has meant much of ne thing is sut he sed. We got on the convo of cutting or something in that area and he turned to me and sed "Do u slit your wrist's, Sticky? I hope not." I shook my head, no and he sed "Good, Im glad". It doesnt seem like much but it meant a lot to me. Isnt it weird how someone can do or say something so small its almost unimportant but it can mean so much to you? The thing is I dont kno if I lied to him or not. Depends on if he meant Do i cut myself or Have I ever slit my wrist and tried to kill myself...if its the 2nd thing then i didnt lie. *sigh* found a pic of me and jason in my laundry...dont kno why it was there...im givin all the pics of us to him, i cant stand to look at them it just makes me angry and brings up bad feelings. So he can keep em cuz i sure dont want them.
but on a happy note, i got an avenged sevenfold belt buckle!! It awesome, i love it sooo much! and i got bout 6 cds that i play in my new stereo!! wut a great christmas, i got a new digital camera too...dang, i got spoiled this christmas...
I hate my life, end of story
Date: Dec 23rd, 2005 2:04:42 pm - Subscribe
Mood: depressed and angry
What's playin: \"My Confession\" - Otep
I hate my life....I kno some ppl have it WAAAAY worse than me but sometimes i just HATE it SO much. I hate the ppl in it, mostly my stepdad, especially today. Hes sayin after highschool im gunna work at McDonalds and im like "Uh, NO IM NOT" and he says "Yea you are" (with a chuckle added to it) and im like "OMG NO IM NOT!!!!!" and he's like "Fine, Burger King then" then he says im gunna become a stay at home mom...NOOOOOOO!!!!! over my dead and decaying body! Im like "stop planning my future!" "Im not planning it, im predicting it" "Well you're predicting wrong!" oh i just wanted punch him in his ugly good for nuthin face. AHHHHHHHH!!!! I hate him the most. Then there's Jason, he ruined my life, broke my heart 3 different times and i finally told myself (and him) that he doesnt mean ne thing to me and im never gunna talk to him again and that im just gunna forget about him...but i have to see him everyday and bring up bad memories and things i regret, like him giving me my first kiss, i shoulda saved that for someone that for someon that actually loved me, not his stupid lying ass. DIE DIE DIE.
Christmas is gunna suck...i have 3 presents under the tree while my mom has 6 and my step dad has 4 or 5 but i kno they went ALL OUT for each other and got each other the most they could and its all kind of expensive stuff...out of my 3 i kno at least 2 of them are socks and a photo album...yippee do da day. I better get either a car or a stereo. All i wanted was a $100 stereo and i kno im not gettin it, obviously. But all their stuff put together is like $200 or more. I hate them..i hate christmas, i hate my life. The only things that keep me dealin with it are, Amanda P., Vanessa, Austin and the fact that im only a few years from movin out and away from the ppl i hate and i wont have to deal with them. GRRRRRR
Date: Dec 19th, 2005 5:03:02 pm - Subscribe
What's playin: \"Dance, Dance\" - Fall Out Boy
Eh, so who loves ghosts, huh? ME! We got on the subject of ghosts and hauntings in art class today (that class is always fun...especially cuz austin's there!) But ne ways, my friend beth started tellin me about this ghost thats haunting her house. She says hes been known to throw things in the house, flicker the lights and all that ghostly stuff. Hes been haunting her and her house since she was 8, shes now 15. It gets weirder tho. He has appeared in her dreams and talked to her so she knos wut he looks like, she says hes about 17-20 years old. Oh it gets weirder....he talks to her...in her head, they hold actual conversations, he can get in her head and read wut shes thinking and they talk to each other like everyday. Not only that but he has a crush on her and hes very protective. im like thats soo weird, it seems like it would be very uncomfortable to have someone with you all the time, but hes been around for so long that shes just used to him, they're like friends. She said one time she had a friend over and this ghost posessed her friend while she was sleeping, her friend was like sitting up and talking with her eyes closed and it was the guy's voice and Beth was just like "OMG leave me alone ur freakin me out, i just want to sleep!"
its so weird! She was talkin to him at lunch after that, she was tellin me stories about him and she paused for a minute and shes like "See, he just sed he didnt like me telling you that but he doesnt really care".
At first i was like thats just too freaky, i mean ive heard of ppl talkin to ghosts but ive never heard of one getting inside someones head and talking to them all the time. But after thinking about it, i thought it would be kinda cool, cuz i love the whole paranormal ghost thing and it would be kinda kool to always have someone to talk to. She sed shes never alone tho, hes ALWAYS talkin to her. Hes polite tho..well sometimes...she sed he walked in on her in her bra and underwear and all she heard was "oh shit! Sorry!!" and he walked out. But she sed he's thrown stuff at her before...and missed and then apologized so i guess he is polite, hm...weird?
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